Fear or Love – What’s Driving Your Marriage?

In a recent interview with Business Coach Tad Stephens for my upcoming book on The Hero Husband, he shared that we are always living either from fear or from love. And the truth of that statement stopped me in my tracks. It explained so much about what I see in a lot of relationships.

And this contrast is everywhere!

It’s what drives Social Media, advertising, competition, and self-worth. Or, in reality, a lack of it.

And it also drives your marriage.

What you want from this crucial relationship is to be seen, heard, witnessed, and valued. But stepping into that requires courage. Courage is what lets you move from fear into love. Because love is where intimacy lies. And intimacy requires vulnerability.

What came up for you when you read the “V” word? It’s an ability that it is admired when others exhibit it and terrifying for most of us to contemplate. And it’s uniquely challenging in the one relationship where it truly has the most power to make a difference.

But I believe that fear is the most powerful emotion out there. It’s what keeps you alive, but it also keeps you from living.

Fear is behind the decision to withhold your deepest thoughts and feelings from your wife. The person you promised to love, honor, and cherish. Fear makes a mockery of those vows. Because you cannot truly honor them and be afraid at the same time. It’s one or the other and fear is frequently the victor.

And your wife is driven by that same fear. Holding things in instead of sharing because it’s scary.

All of your fights are about fear. Fear of being wrong. Fear of being disappointed. Fear of being hurt. Fear of having to change. Fear of not being in control.

Because that’s what love is. Letting go of the need to control. Life. Her. Your image.

Love is acceptance of who you are and who she is. Only when you stop fighting that can you make choices about how you want to be in the world and what kind of marriage you want to have.

You can choose what you want to do better.

What you want to let go of.

What you want to make room for.

What you’re not willing to live without.

These decisions can only be made and adhered to from love. Fear makes them impossible. You can’t move forward if you’re afraid to take a step. Which means you and your marriage will never thrive, only survive.

And I want more for you.

If you’re ready to let love drive your marriage, let’s talk.

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This post was previously published on Foundationscoachingnc.com and is republished on Medium.

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