Finding the Reset Button: Day Two

I am in a rut and need to fill my bucket. My capacity box is full, and my fulfillment box is empty. Things are disproportionate; they need to change. I need to make some changes.

I am on a ten-day journey of trying different self-care tactics and filling my bucket. Maybe, hopefully, it will extend beyond the ten days, but I am trying to set myself up for success — keeping the attempt “bite-size” and realistic. I am sure some of what I explore will be conventional and others, not so much. And, if I am being honest, I hope some of what I am doing during these ten days will inspire further behavioural changes. Through expressive writing (a new term I learned just yesterday on this journey), I am letting my emotions show.

To understand where this particular journey began, read day one. With that, how will day two take shape?

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The Family Bike Ride

My eight and eleven-year-old children love biking, just not too far. Me, on the other hand, I prefer to get out and about for more than 30 minutes.

We have a destination, approximately 12 kilometres each way: a slight incline one way, which is met with a gradual decline on the return trip. I am documenting this before we begin. My kids know this is the plan for today. We are leaving at 10:00 a.m. As of last night, they share that they are not so keen.

We did this route last week. It took us 2 hours one way and 54 minutes the other. We didn’t exactly know where we were going, so I anticipate the route to our destination to be that much more efficient this time.

Once the kids get going, they will have fun — I know it. I know them. But, their reservation to start the journey angers me. In all honestly, their attitude to not be willing participants makes me feel like they are selfish — this is something I really want to do. Can they not just do this for me? I am looking in a mirror and am equally selfish with my motivation.

My motivation goes beyond my personal desire for “a workout”. It is not much of a workout: rather, this bike ride is valuable physical activity, fresh air and stunning scenery — bathing in nature. Of course, the time without any distraction of sharing this activity as a family unit is a true gift.

Before becoming parents, it was moments like this that I envisioned. Moments where the family unit journeyed (literally and figuratively) together, working towards a common goal and enjoying the peace and tranquility that exists in nature. Even writing this is filling my bucket. Will expectations disappoint?

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Expectations may not align, but they did not disappoint. The expectation of four individuals seamlessly journeying literally and figuratively down the path seems close to ridiculous now. It is an unrealistic expectation; however, letting go of these preconceived notions is much easier said than done.

The vision of a family bike ride that I had held onto is a metaphor for so much more. That — what I envisioned, is the vision I need to let go of.

Self-care: the practice of taking an active role in protecting one’s own well-being and happiness, in particular during periods of stress.

Being present is a means for me to protect my well-being. So, as much as this self-care tactic began as a family bike ride, the self-care tactic is really about choosing an activity where I can be wholly present.

My lack of balance and coordination means biking takes my full concentration — this is why, for me, biking is a valuable self-care tactic. Of course, this experience is enhanced by great company.

My eight-year-old’s legs spinning as he navigates the gears; his rapid peddling with a proportionate backpack is a sight that makes my heart smile. But why? The vision is filled with signals of independence — his physical abilities to cover the 24-kilometre journey and carry his belongings without assistance signals pride in me.

My perspective has shifted.

Before becoming parents, it was moments like this that I envisioned. Moments where the family unit journeyed (literally and figuratively) together, working towards a common goal and enjoying the peace and tranquillity that exists in nature.

And yet, the self-care and joy I am finding come from the demonstrations of independence. For me, the concentration required to maintain balance, and in my youngest, his self-determination and sufficiency to tackle the challenge by himself, are examples of such independence.

Maybe self-care for me is less about the checklist of ideas such as facials, a massage or a glass of wine (or two) and is more about taking being in my own thoughts and stepping into varied perspectives.

It is about being real and about being realistic.

It is about letting go of the perspective my subconscious has held onto all of these years and stepping into a new light.

Don’t get me wrong, I am sure there will be a facial, massage and a glass of wine on this exploration of self-care tactics… or not. In any case, I am learning more about myself, my needs and how to fill my bucket.

Self-care is about taking an ACTIVE role in protecting one’s own well-being and happiness: peddling to keep the gears turning in mind and body seems to be a good tactic for me.

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This post was previously published on Medium.

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