I cautiously tread around people who are in circumstances of obvious impending doom. I do not like to be a prophet of doom because even in the Bible, God would send his prophets with a message and then punish them for being prophets of doom.
It is easy to tell when someone is really deeply in love with you.
However, for my friend, Amy, it was always like the warning sirens were constantly being triggered. I knew for sure her relationship with Mark would not last long before it ended.
They both exhibited damaging habits to their relationship.
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Habits in Relationships
“Habits can make you, But they can also break you. You become what you think about, But you also become what you DO consistently.” — Anonymous
In every relationship, it’s natural for certain habits to form over time. While some habits can strengthen the bond between partners, others can slowly erode the foundation of love and intimacy.
I believe that for lasting love, there are some common damaging habits that should be avoided because they can negatively impact relationships. and provide actionable steps to break free from them.
By identifying and addressing these habits, you can create a healthier and more lasting love.
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Amy and Mark
I met Amy in high school and we became fast friends. As time went on, however, we lost touch with each other. I ran into her at a networking event a few months ago and we got to reconnect over the past couple of weeks.
When I had last spoken to her in 2015, she was going strong with her then boyfriend, Mark. But they both had certain habits that made me feel like their relationship would not last long.
I was not too surprised to find out they broke up two years down the road.
“Habit is everything, even in love.” — Luc de Clapiers
Amy and Mark had been together for several years. As their relationship progressed, they found themselves falling into patterns that were detrimental to their connection.
Arguments became heated, communication faltered, and trust started to wane.
It wasn’t until they recognized and addressed their bad habits that they were able to rebuild their relationship on a stronger foundation.
Let’s delve into these bad habits and learn how to overcome them.
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9 Damaging Habits You Should Stop If You Want To Build a Lasting Relationship
1. Neglecting Quality Time
Spending quality time together is one of the most efficient ways people in healthy relationships express their love for each other.
In the midst of busy schedules and endless distractions, it is easy to neglect quality time with our partners. We may find ourselves engrossed in work, social media, or other obligations, leaving little room for meaningful connection.
Couples who make time for each other, who prioritize their relationship, and who regularly connect emotionally have a greater chance of lasting love.
How you can overcome this bad habit in your relationships:
Commit to creating dedicated moments of connection with your partner by implementing a weekly date night and setting boundaries around technology during your time together.
You might discover the joy of rekindling your shared interests, exploring new activities, and simply enjoying each other’s company.
Amy and Mark realized that they had been neglecting quality time together. By being intentional about spending quality time with each other, they deepened their bond and revitalized their love.
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2. Neglecting Communication
“Good communication is the key to emotional connection. Without it, couples cannot understand each other’s needs, desires, and concerns.” — Dr John Gottman
Healthy communication is the lifeblood of any successful relationship.
However, many couples fall into the habit of neglecting or mismanaging their communication.
It could be avoiding difficult conversations, bottling up emotions, or failing to actively listen to one another.
Dr. John Gottman, a renowned relationship expert, emphasizes the importance of open and effective communication in building lasting love.
How you can overcome this bad habit in your relationships:
You need to start making intentional efforts to create a safe space for open dialogue.
Amy and Mark realized that their lack of communication had been driving them apart before they broke up. When they got back together, they set aside dedicated time each week for meaningful conversations and actively listened to each other’s perspectives.
By breaking the habit of neglecting communication, they were able to strengthen their emotional connection.
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3. Allowing Resentment to Accumulate
“Resentment is like drinking poison and waiting for the other person to die.” — Saint Augustine
Resentment can silently poison a relationship.
It often stems from unresolved conflicts, unmet expectations, or past hurts.
When left unaddressed, resentment can fester and create a toxic environment.
According to experts, resentment builds when needs and concerns go unaddressed. It erodes the love and trust in a relationship.
How you can overcome this bad habit in your relationships:
Amy and Mark realized that they had been harboring resentment towards each other for unresolved issues. They committed to addressing these concerns honestly and respectfully. Through open dialogue, forgiveness, and a willingness to let go of past grievances, they started healing their relationship. By breaking the habit of allowing resentment to accumulate, they could rebuild trust and foster a more loving connection.
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4. Taking Each Other for Granted
Taking your partner for granted affects your relationship and love for each other.
In the busyness of everyday life, it’s easy to take our partners for granted.
We may become complacent, assuming they will always be there and neglecting to express appreciation for their presence and efforts. This habit can slowly chip away at the foundation of love and intimacy.
According to Dr. Sue Johnson, a leading expert in couples therapy, it is very important not to take our partners for granted in relationships. She says, “Appreciation of the role our partners play in our lives opens our hearts and makes us more loving. It’s a powerful antidote to taking each other for granted.”
How you can overcome this bad habit in your relationships:
Make a conscious effort to express gratitude and appreciation for even the smallest acts of kindness that your partner accords you.
Amy and Mark realized that they had fallen into the habit of taking each other for granted. They started leaving little notes of appreciation, surprising each other with thoughtful gestures, and regularly expressing their love and gratitude.
By breaking the habit of taking each other for granted, they reignited the spark in their relationship and deepened their emotional connection.
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5. Lack of Emotional Support
Emotional support is crucial in any relationship, as it creates a sense of safety, understanding, and validation.
However, couples can fall into the habit of neglecting emotional support, leaving one or both partners feeling unheard or unsupported.
We need to be open, accessible, and responsive to our partner’s emotional needs. It is the foundation of a secure and lasting connection.
Amy and Mark realized that they had been lacking emotional support for each other. They made a commitment to actively listen and validate each other’s feelings without judgment.
They created a safe space for vulnerability and offered empathy and comfort during difficult times.
By breaking the habit of neglecting emotional support, they fostered a deeper sense of emotional intimacy and strengthened their bond.
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6. Engaging in Negative Communication Patterns
Unhealthy communication patterns, such as criticism, defensiveness, stonewalling, and contempt, can deteriorate a relationship over time.
These negative patterns can become habitual, damaging the emotional connection between partners.
Harsh words and negative interactions are corrosive and create emotional distance.
How you can overcome this bad habit in your relationships:
You can break these habits by practicing healthy communication strategies, such as using “I” statements, active listening, and expressing your needs and concerns to your partner in a constructive manner.
Amy and Mark realized that they had fallen into negative communication patterns. They sought out relationship resources and counseling to learn effective communication techniques.
By breaking the habit of engaging in negative communication patterns, they created a healthier and more harmonious dynamic in their relationship.
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7. Lack of Individuality and Independence
In a relationship, it is important to maintain a sense of individuality and independence.
However, some couples develop a habit of losing themselves in the relationship, neglecting their own hobbies, interests, and personal growth.
I strongly believe that couples need to maintain a balance between ‘we’ and ‘me.’
Healthy relationships are built on two individuals who support each other’s growth and autonomy. Individuality and independence will make you irresistible in your relationships.
How you can overcome this bad habit in your relationships:
Make a conscious effort to pursue your own passions and interests while still nurturing the bond with your partner.
Amy and Mark realized that they had neglected their individuality in their relationship. They henceforth encouraged each other’s personal growth, celebrated achievements, and respected each other’s need for alone time.
This brought new energy and vitality into their relationship.
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8. Avoiding Conflict Resolution
For the time I have known her, Amy has always hated conflict. She runs away at the mere whiff of any form of confrontation. I was not surprised to discover that her and Mark had no form of conflict resolution in their relationship.
Conflict is a natural part of any relationship, and avoiding it can be detrimental in the long run. Some couples develop a habit of sweeping issues under the rug, hoping they will resolve themselves.
However, unresolved conflicts can breed resentment and distance.
Relationships experts emphasizes the importance of addressing conflicts head-on. Successful couples know how to engage in productive conflict discussions, finding common ground and understanding.
How you can overcome this bad habit in your relationships:
Commit to open and honest communication, addressing each other’s concerns and disagreements with respect and empathy.
Amy and Mark learned effective conflict resolution techniques, such as active listening, compromise, and seeking win-win solutions. This created a space for understanding, growth, and deeper intimacy.
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9. Not Cultivating an Attitude of Gratitude
Gratitude in relationships is so important. A simple heartfelt “Thank You!” can help your otherwise weary partner feel rejuvenated.
Couples who express appreciation and gratitude for each other have a stronger emotional connection and greater relationship satisfaction.
How you can overcome this bad habit in your relationships:
Give thanks to your partner, with a genuine and grateful heart.
Express your appreciation and gratitude for their efforts, big and small.
You can also implement a daily practice of sharing things you are grateful for in your relationship. This will help you nurture a culture of positivity, love, and appreciation.
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Final Thoughts
The key to lasting love lies in everyday habits of kindness, appreciation, and effective communication.
Take the necessary steps to break free from these detrimental habits, and cultivate a love that stands the test of time.
Breaking bad habits in a relationship is not easy, but it is essential for creating a lasting and fulfilling love.
As you can probably tell, Amy and Mark worked on their habits and got back together and are now engaged to be married.
❤ I love stories with happy endings! ❤
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Your Thoughts
Share your thoughts and experiences on how these habits have impacted your relationship in the comments below.
Thank you for reading.
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This post was previously published on medium.com.
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