Confident people are optimistic, believing in their own power to make things happen. But they never hesitate to ask for help if outside input will improve their chances for success.
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When you’re an adult, you feel confident when you know you’re loved, valued, important, and worthy. Sadly, not every couple lived in a place that was so emotionally perfect.
Even a well-intentioned married couple may have sent mixed signals because they didn’t have enough confidence in themselves. Because of their own worries and doubts, they may not have installed confidence in their kids.
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How can I optimize self-confidence?
1. Spend time with people who give you confidence
Find people who are self-assured, optimistic, and don’t seem to have any trouble letting themselves succeed. Try to find more than one person who has these qualities.
Having a wide range of influences will show you how confident people act in general, which you can use to build your own style of self-confidence.
You become like the people (coworkers, bosses, friends, and family) you spend the most time with, so be smart about who you choose.
2. Get a pet
Animals love you no matter what, and they have a unique way of taking on your problems and making you feel better by being so thankful for you. When you have a pet, you feel loved, important, understood, and accepted for who you are. It can be soothing.
In an article in the New York Times, the benefits of having a pet were summed up from several academic studies. Some of the benefits are lower blood pressure, lower levels of triglycerides and cholesterol, and a 3% drop in heart attack deaths. These three things alone save 30,000 lives every year.
3. Participate
Get out of your own problems and help people who are in need. Go to a nursing home often, plant a community garden, or work in a soup kitchen.
Getting praise from other people for what you’ve done can do a lot to boost your confidence. (Please don’t take this in the wrong way)
It helps you see things from someone else’s point of view and gives you a bigger picture of the world and your place in it.
4. Do something together as a group
When we spend too much time alone and just think about our flaws, we often start to doubt ourselves. Try something new and join a group activity that forces you to talk to other people.
Take a class, go camping, or sign up for paintball, all of which are ways to meet new people.
Meeting a wide range of people helps you understand yourself better.
5. Avoid doing things you know are wrong
When you don’t like the choices you’ve made, you start to feel less sure of yourself. It’s hard to feel sure of yourself if you don’t do something you know you should (like pay the bills), tell a white lie, or don’t put as much effort into a project or activity as you could have.
Not that you shouldn’t have fun. It means you should always follow your own sense of what is right and honest. Don’t make promises if you aren’t sure you can keep them, and do what you say you will do.
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Final message
When you don’t trust yourself, you have a lot of self-doubts. Self-doubt can lead you to hesitate when it’s time to express yourself, articulate what you want, and ask for help.
This in turn can keep you from going after your vision, or having the courage to remain empty-handed until your new direction.
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This post was previously published on medium.com.
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You may also like these posts on The Good Men Project:
White Fragility: Talking to White People About Racism | Escape the “Act Like a Man” Box | The Lack of Gentle Platonic Touch in Men’s Lives is a Killer | What We Talk About When We Talk About Men |
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Photo credit: Luemen Rutkowski on Unsplash