How Do You Experience Love?

“Where there is love there is life.”

Mahatma Gandhi

I’ve been working with clients around their relationships for more than 25 years. So I often think I’ve heard just about anything and everything.

But last week, my client Matt surprised me.

He asked—“What does love feel like?”

It’s not often I’m left speechless in a session. But this deeply profound and truly vulnerable question stopped me in my tracks.

You see, love is a word that gets thrown around a lot. But have you ever really stopped to think about what it actually feels like?

Take a moment and think about all the ways you use the word. You love chocolate, your dog, your wife, your kids, playing golf, watching football, AC/DC or Luke Combs, Game of Thrones, etc.

But those things aren’t interchangeable as you well know.

No, the type of love my client was asking about was the deep, connected kind that is the foundation of strong marriages.

Unfortunately, too many people confuse this type of love with being “in love”. That type of love feels amazing. But it’s simply the biological process that gets us to meet, mate, and procreate. It is designed to be short term because your body can’t stay in that condition for a long time.

It’s a form of love that occurs without much control. It’s a combination of attraction, lust, and out of control hormones.

But real and lasting love is different. It’s about feeling safe, seen, and valued. The experience you had as an infant if you were lucky enough to grow up in a stable, attentive home.

When you are loved by someone you feel like you matter. That there is interest and acceptance in what you think, feel, and experience. You can share your deepest self without fear of rejection or judgment.

And when you love someone, you give them that same sense of safety and acceptance. And it’s intentional.

Real love is about kindness, curiosity, generosity, and trust. It’s being willing to accommodate each other’s needs without resentment or expecting anything in return.

While it is not challenge free, real love makes you feel good. It makes you feel connected to another person on a deep and accepting level.

And that is what makes life worth it.

Previously Published on The Hero Husband Project republished with permission and is republished on Medium.

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