Chris Forte looked inside with prayer, reading, and meditation before he chose to say goodbye to his 17 year marriage. And when he moved on, he did so with strength.
Part of my spiritual fitness practice is writing. I love writing for The Good Men Project as I feel a great connection to many men who are contributing to such a wonderful website. I thought this was a good time to share my experience with divorce as the writing process helps me heal.
I filed for the Death of my Marriage in November 2014. Before doing this I wanted to be 100% sure, so in the months prior I prayed, meditated, and read a certain proverb daily, The Path With A Heart which was posted on my blog. I called my former wife and told her about the filing. It didn’t come much as a surprise for her. The 17 year marriage was coming to an end. It was time now to lean on all my spiritual teachings and practices, and put them into high gear.
I recalled a teaching from one of my spiritual mentors who studied the Native American traditions, she said that when someone died the Native Americans gave themselves permission to grieve for one year. I took that approach with my divorce. I personally like the Death of a Marriage better than the term divorce. It seems like it gives it more meaning, which it should. Over the last year I grieved, accepted, surrendered, leaned into the pain, and most importantly looked within. I needed to get myself spiritually, physically, mentally, and emotionally healthy. Every day there was some form of daily prayer, mediation, reading or writing. I did the rosaries while I walked so I was getting fresh air and exercise. When I mediated I looked right in the mirror so I could get into the depth of my soul, with powerful experiences of vulnerability, forgiveness and love. Daily yoga was the perfect medicine, combining mind and body. I read certain books like The Book of Awakening by Mark Nepo. This is a daily reader in which Mark shares his life obstacles and the insights he uses to persevere.
I will tell you what I didn’t do over the last year. I didn’t hit the bar scene, jump into any type of relationship or abuse my mind, body or spirit. I didn’t run from the pain, I leaned into it. I took responsibility for my three daughters. I started to write again which keeps me committed to my path, The Path With A Heart.
Here I am a year later around the holidays. I feel much better than a year ago. Am I over the divorce, the Death of my Marriage? I view it as a major obstacle in my life that has given me the opportunity to grow more spiritually and become a more loving human being. The Humble Warrior moves on.
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