I’ve been in an online dating site for two-plus years before I came across my fiance’s dating profile. I live in the Philippines and he’s from the United States. Back then, we were dealing with a 13-hour time difference when our relationship was just virtually starting.
The odds weren’t exactly in our favor, and through all the ups and downs, we did find a system that worked well for us, as a long-distance couple.
. . .
First impressions can make or break you, but it doesn’t last.
Truth be told, my dating profile’s first impression to my fiance wasn’t exactly noteworthy.
Why? Because I had an average and an uninteresting profile.
It’s fine, it’s the truth… looking back to it now, we would often enjoy a few good laughs every time we talk about how I had the gal to use a grainy profile photo and type in a few cheesy descriptors about myself.
First impressions matter, but it’s not the end of the world if you didn’t make it to a second date, or in the case of online dating, a second round of conversation.
. . .
Don’t be afraid to make the first move, or send the first message.
We’re not talking about the walk-up-to-him-and-kiss-him-kind-of-gestures here.
Nor is it anything like stalking-her-profile-and-calling-her-right-away. Because those are the kind of things we might want to steer clear of. I did have some second thoughts before I hit send, but then I realized I had nothing to lose by sending that first message. It was just a few kilobytes of data after all.
Just make sure to express your thoughts sincerely, without coming off as too forward or without being ‘too much’.
. . .
Don’t care about other people’s opinions.
There is still a lot of stigmas and stereotyping when it comes to online dating. (Trust me, I come from a country with a culture that scoffs at the idea of dating online.)
Believe me when I tell you that we’ve both heard some of the weirdest comments during his first visit in my country when we first personally met each other. But you shouldn’t let other people’s thoughts ruin the experience for both of you.
Other people’s comments, especially the negative ones, shouldn’t matter. If you find yourself dwelling too much on other people’s opinions, ask your self these questions:
- Is she your BFF, or is he his best friend?
- Do they offer wise counsel when you two need an arbiter for arguments?
- Do they pay for your telephone and internet bills?
- Did they pay for the plane ticket when your Significant Other (SO) visited?
If you answered NO to even one of those questions, then you most certainly have nothing to worry about their opinions.
. . .
Set couple goals, but always compromise.
We’ve all heard of the term ‘Couple Goals’, and everybody raves about all these milestones that we all want to get to. This should never be treated as just a trend that we could just share in social media. It’s more than that.
This is the real deal.
A relationship isn’t all about the lovey-dovey feels that we experience. It’s not all highs and good vibes. The two of you need to talk seriously as well. Set goals as a couple. Achieve life’s milestones together.
Yes, you can still set goals for yourself.
But make sure that each of your goals, as an individual, are in sync with what you two have in mind as partners. You can’t exactly get your HEA if no one wants to move across States, our countries, to eventually live together. It won’t work if you want a kid or two in the future, but your SO prefers to only have a family of two.
. . .
Be honest with your intentions.
You might have often come across ‘How-to-make-him-fall-in-love-with-you’ kind of articles in your feeds. They’ll even give you a course of action to follow, telling you how you can get to your HEA by doing this and that. It might or it might not work.
But the thing is, we live in a dating culture where we are taught to:
- Tell him/her this, when you mean something else;
- Act like this, when you want to do something else; and
- Fall in love, but don’t really fall in love.
This is madness. The kind of crazy that’s not good for your heart. Instead of following these, just be true to yourself. Express your true intentions from the very start.
Honesty… a brutal streak of it can lead your relationship even through the toughest of times.
. . .
It’s already a given that you should be with someone who complements you in your preferences, likes, hobbies, and interests. It doesn’t have to be 100% all the same really, but at least someone who gets you for who you really are.
But there is something much more important than this.
Be with someone who has the same morals, values, and ethics in life.
Your commitment as a couple will be tested, but if you have these three things aligned, and your character and personalities complement each other.
Then staying in love would be as easy as spelling L-O-V-E.
. . .
@Ester Deluna-Thompson is a BSEd and MAEd graduate who loves to write about Relationships and Dating; Education; Environmental Science; Health and Fitness; and the occasional Academic Researches. Her writing career started with campus journalism before she was introduced to the freelance writing industry in 2008. She also became the Associate Editor of a college student publication, The Mentor, in 2013.
Currently, she’s a Senior High School teacher who has a penchant for Books, Writing, Journals, amateur Switch Gaming, Eating Healthy Grubs, Running, and Biking. During her free time, she’s either devouring a new Urban Fantasy series, writing an article or two, or thinking about what to write while half of her heart is in America. ❤💍
This post was previously published on Hello, Love and is republished here with permission from the author.
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