How To Identify an Emotionally Dangerous Person

Have you ever been around someone and immediately felt like something was off? Like there was something about the other person that made you feel uncomfortable but couldn’t quite identify what that something was?

Or maybe, there’s currently a specific person in your life that makes you feel that way? A person who always leaves you feeling emotionally drained after your encounters?

If those things sound familiar, you might have invited in your life an emotionally dangerous person. And dealing with an emotionally dangerous person is a complicated and emotionally draining process, as they create unnecessary complexity, conflict, chaos, and endless stress.

In order to help you avoid any potential future pain, as well as a loss of valuable time and emotional energy, in this article, we will dive in and take a closer look at what an emotionally dangerous person looks like and how you can spot them.

Let’s begin, shall we?

. . .

#1. They Repeatedly Violate Your Boundaries

Setting healthy boundaries is essential for forming and maintaining healthy relationships.

Unfortunately, emotionally dangerous people have a tendency to violate other people’s boundaries.

They’re used to being in charge and in control, so they have no respect whatsoever for personal boundaries. In fact, they might even find it insulting that someone would dare set any kind of physical or emotional boundaries with them.

We usually set boundaries to define ourselves as individuals, communicate our limits to the people around us, and make sure we remain emotionally stable and safe. So, when someone goes ahead and violates them, they automatically become a danger to our emotional well-being.

Signs this is true in your case:

1. They keep pushing you to do things they already know you don’t want to do.
2. They get angry whenever you tell them you need some alone time.
3. They repeatedly ignore your requests.
4. They make decisions without taking your feelings into consideration.

. . .

#2. They Don’t Appreciate the Things You Do for Them

It sucks when you’re always there for someone who doesn’t appreciate it. When you’re going out of your way to help someone, who never recognizes the things you do for them.

And that’s exactly how an emotionally dangerous person behaves. Why that behavior makes them dangerous, you ask?

Because feeling repeatedly unappreciated by someone you care about can mess with your head and take a significant toll on your mental health.

The more that person ignores all the things you do for them, the more you’ll start wondering if you’re the problem, or if you’re doing something wrong. As a result, your confidence, sense of self-worth, as well as your self-esteem, might significantly decrease.

Signs this is true in your case:

1. They keep telling you you’re not doing enough for them, even though you clearly do.
2. You never get a “thank you” in return.
3. You’re always at the other person’s disposal when they are never there for you when you need them.
4. You feel unnoticed and constantly dissapointed.

. . .

#3. You Never Quite Know Where You Stand With Them

Emotionally dangerous people like playing toxic mind games and send mixed signals, which means they repeatedly make you feel uncertain about their feelings toward you.

One day, they draw you in, make you feel like you’re the most important person in the world. The next day, they push you away and act as if you were complete strangers.

They might tell you one thing and then go ahead and do the exact opposite. For example, they might tell you how much they want to spend time with you, or how much they missed you, and then disappearing and not talk to you for days.

With them, you can never quite know where you stand. And that can be awfully frustrating and make you feel emotionally devastated.

Signs this is true in your case:

1. They never talk about their feelings or thoughts with you.
2. They often leave your calls or text messages unanswered as well disappear for no reason.
3. There are always long gaps in between your dates.
4. You feel like your relationship is a cat and mouse game.
5. The majority of your contact is initiated and maintained by you.

. . .

#4. They Want to Take Control of Your Life

Emotionally dangerous people love power and control. In fact, they usually have an uncontrollable desire for both of these things.

As a result, they might attempt to control every area of your life. From what you eat or wear to who you socialize with or how you should spend your money. You might notice them being overly invested in your personal life and your daily activities, even though you’ve clearly asked them not to.

The problem is that, when someone tries to control you, they don’t respect you or your choices. They try to change you and convince you to live your life according to their standards. As a result, they make you feel small and weak and make it difficult to live by your own rules.

Ultimately, trying to control another person is a form of emotional manipulation as well as emotional abuse.

Signs this is true in your case:

1. They make various demands/requests and expect you to fulfill them immediately.
2. They criticize you all the time.
3. They ask to check your phone, texts, or browser history.
4. They undermine your perceptions and make fun of your choices.

. . .

#5. They Manipulate Your Feelings by Gaslighting You

Gaslighting is a common technique emotionally dangerous people use to manipulate and gain power and control over other people.

Psychology Today defines gaslighting as:

When someone gaslights you, they manipulate your feelings by making you question your sense of reality as well as your sanity. You might notice them often saying things like:

• “That’s not how things happened.”
• “You’re crazy.”
• “You’re always making a big deal out of things.”
• “We already discussed this. Don’t you remember?”

Signs this is true in your case:

1. They often make you second-guess yourself and your memories.
2. You’ve caught them lying multiple times.
3. Their actions don’t match their words.

. . .

Putting It All Together…

Socializing with an emotionally dangerous person, be it a partner, a friend, or a relative is a bad idea since they will make your life complicated and pose a threat to your emotional well-being.

Make sure you pay attention and keep an eye out for the following red flags that can indicate a person is emotionally dangerous:

• a tendency to violate your boundaries
• an inability or unwillingness to appreciate the things you do for them
• a tendency to play mind games that leave you confused and unable to identify where you stand with them
• a desire to take control of your life
• an attempt to manipulate your feelings through gaslighting

If you recognize most of the above signs in someone you’re interacting with, you should take a step back and consider cut all ties with them. If that’s not possible (e.g. if the person in question is one of your relatives) make sure to significantly reduce the amount of time you spend with them.

It’s important to remember that you can’t change emotionally dangerous people; they can only change themselves, when and if they recognize their toxic behavior. You can, of course, openly discuss with them the way they make you feel, but it’s unlikely they will admit to their mistakes.

Your mental health is more important than anything. You should protect it at any cost and under circumstances let toxic people ruin it.

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This post was previously published on Hello, Love.

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