Iwas going down the Reddit hole the other day and stumbled upon a funny story of how one woman came up with a genius way to stop her family and friends from asking, “when are you going to have a baby?” I am lucky to have family that doesn’t ask this question, and my friends are well-adjusted people who don’t behave in such a way either. Unfortunately, some people are less lucky, and their inner circle tends to ask deeply intimate questions all the time. But according to one Reddit lady, there is a solution.
That solution is a “pregnancy jar.” Sounds crazy, right? No! It’s brilliant and funny at the same time. Let me elaborate — maybe you’ll consider using this strategy too.
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What is a “Pregnancy Jar”?
The idea is in the name: it’s a money jar dedicated to inappropriate pregnancy questions. Just like a swear jar — that’s where the idea came from. You put $1 in with a swear jar every time you swear. The “pregnancy jar” is identical: you must cough up $1 each time you ask the jar owner a baby-related question.
The Reddit lady has been married for a while and got annoyed and sometimes even hurt by contact badgering that came from her family and friends. The older she got, the more frequently her family started pressing her about having a baby. In recent years, their behavior started resembling harassment. So, instead of arguing, fighting and throwing temper tantrums, she thought of a funny and amazing idea: a “pregnancy jar.”
It was a small jar that fit into a handbag, and this girl started carrying it everywhere. Let’s say she met a cousin for lunch during the workday and got asked about a potential baby. Put $1 into the jar, cousin. Did her aunt come over for a movie yesterday? Well, if the aunt raised the pregnancy topic, she surely became $1 poorer. Every time someone dared to start the baby topic despite knowing how uncomfortable and annoyed the Reddit lady got, they now had to PAY UP.
Why Should You Never Ask Pregnancy-Related Questions?
There are many baby questions people tend to ask without realizing how unacceptable they are. Our families love and care about us, but some boundaries must exist. You don’t know what your daughter, niece, or cousin may be going through, so it’s inappropriate to ask personal and intimate questions about pregnancy.
What if a woman who’s being subjected to the questioning has been trying to conceive for the longest time but was unable to? According to the CDC, 19% of heterosexual women ages 15 to 49 have trouble getting pregnant within the first year, and 26% of this group have difficulty carrying the pregnancy to term.
Infertility is a serious issue and a painful one at that. Miscarriages are an extremely upsetting and devastating experience that isn’t widely discussed in our society, and miscarrying a baby you have been waiting for is a huge trauma for women! For men too, but it’s more personal for ladies who experience this tragedy emotionally and physically.
Why would anyone invade someone’s personal space and privacy and ask such questions that may potentially cause even more grief and pain? No one should ever harass others with baby questions — you never know what that person might be experiencing.
What Kind of Questions Would Require a $1 “Fine”?
Questions and statements about having children and fertility qualify for the $1 “fine-for-noisy-people-who-should-stay-out-of-other-people’s-business.” But here are a few examples:
- When are you going to have a baby?
- Are you planning to get pregnant soon?
- You’ve been married for the longest time. Why don’t you have a child already?
- Are you guys even trying?
- Are you guys having issues? I know an excellent fertility doctor.
- Maria’s niece got pregnant after going through fertility therapy. You should ask her about it.
You aren’t a spring chicken anymore. You should have children asap, or it might be too late. - Why wouldn’t you bless your family with a baby? Everyone would be so excited!
Ella and Mike have been married for only a year, but they have their first kid already. Why wouldn’t you do the same? - Don’t you love your mom/dad/aunt/uncle/Santa Clause enough to surprise them with a baby announcement?
The list goes on. If you choose to resort to the “pregnancy jar” practice, you decide which questions get a pass and which ones aren’t appropriate. All you do is announce that from now on, every baby question will require a $1 payment/donation/fine to the jar — and you pull out and shake the jar in front of their faces.
Wouldn’t Your Family Get Mad?
The genius “pregnancy jar” inventor said her family and friends were confused at first, but she pressured all of them to give her $1 each time they asked baby questions — just like they pressured her to have a kid. In the beginning, they were lost for words, but after she explained that she demands $1 every time they bring up the topic of pregnancy despite her asking many times to stop, they sighed and pulled out their wallets.
If you constantly ask everyone to stop discussing a particular topic and indicate you are upset, yet they continue to do it — well, it’s time for the “pregnancy jar”! Or any other kind of jar. “When are you going to med school?” jar. “When are you taking the bar exams?” jar. “When are you getting married?” jar. The world is your oyster — feel free to introduce any jar your heart desires!
The Reddit lady said her family tried to guilt-trip her about the silly jar idea. But she reiterated once again that she’s been begging them to cease the uncomfortable baby interrogation for the longest time. And since they had no regard for her feelings, she will now “fine” them for such behavior. And guess what? They stopped asking! A few months in, her family and friends got annoyed and tired of putting money into the “pregnancy jar.” The baby questions were no longer flying around. The girl said it was probably because of the embarrassment of “paying a fine,” often publicly or at family events, rather than saying goodbye to their money. One dollar isn’t a huge amount of money, but being put on a spot and getting called out for inappropriate behavior is quite a “price” to “pay.” It’s embarrassing when someone dramatically pulls a jar out of their bag and demands you drop $1 in. Well, if you ask me, it’s karma for harassing someone about a sensitive topic.
What Do You Do with Money?
The Reddit lady said she didn’t get a ton of money from this venture. Her goal wasn’t to shake her family down and force them to give her cash; it would make them stop behaving inappropriately. And it worked!
As for the money, the girl said she and her husband would spend it on snacks, coffee or charitable donations. It wasn’t a significant amount of money by any means, and they couldn’t pay significant bills with it. However, the peace of mind and reduced stress the jar gave them were PRICELESS.
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Conclusion
I don’t think one should ever ask pregnancy questions. If you’re close to someone and you ask them once in a while, as in a few times a year — that might be okay. If the person brings up the topic and shows they are happy to discuss it — sure, why not. But otherwise, such behavior is not acceptable. Moreover, if someone indicated these questions hurt and stressed them out, you must stop asking them.
You can never know what’s going on in someone else’s life. You don’t know what they have experienced in the past or going through right now. So, the best course of action is to act like a nice human being and not an a**hole.
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This post was previously published on medium.com.
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