My journey with Polycystic Ovaries did not stop me from my unwavering goal to become a mother. Not only did I want to be a mum, I felt kind of greedy. I claimed not just one baby, but two. In fact, I want more, and I know they will come when the time is right.
My natural instinct to mother has always been there. I am destined to embody the version of the perfect mother that I have always had in my head, and I am a walking example of manifestation in that regard.
But I’m tested.
Daily.
Because that’s what the world does. It tests you — with everything in life. It tests you because it wants you to constantly grow. The thing that’s often wrongly perceived in this world is the test being a sign of defeat rather than a goal to be surpassed.
I take the challenge and run with it.
Growing up speaking two languages? OK, I got this — I know no different, so it just has to be. While I’m at it, let me add a third one because I like French.
Moving country at age 11? A little hard, but that’s cool, I’ll just make new friends.
Bullying? I’ll just hit them back with my kindness.
Cheated on me, boyfriend? That’s cool, your loss.
Childhood issues? A constant work in progress.
PCOS? OK, let me read up on this real quick on my way to the doctor’s, and then watch me go to the baby clothes shop and browse because I KNOW that he’s coming.
“Mum cliques” and judgy behavior? I’m no longer at school — thanks, but no thanks.
Sleep deprivation?
Well, sh*t… I’ve hit a wall.
Everyone has their journey. It’s what you do with the tests that determine what progress you’ll make.
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“Be Yourself; Everyone Else is Already Taken” — Oscar Wilde
Isn’t it beautiful?
My 4-year-old son, Andriel, is always playing superheroes and he loves to dress up as Spin or Black Panther. I recently encouraged him to create his own superhero costume because I believe other kids will soon want to emulate him; he’s just that AWESOME.
You’ve got to be your own biggest fan.
You can be anything you absolutely want. But it’ll still be YOU. You literally have full control of what you do, at every point in the journey of life. Yes, of course, there are some things that are out of your control, but they will never stop you from actually achieving unless you give that thing the power to. That in itself is controlled, only we often don’t realise it because we react to things impulsively.
You literally have no one but yourself to rely on — so you might as well step up, by default.
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My Sleep, My Joy
This is where the first REAL test came in for me in my ability to perform as mother, and, well, myself.
I was tired.
But not just the kind of tired where coffee would save me.
The kind of tired that made me unsure of whether I could drive safely with my child in the back.
The kind of tired where it was actually funny sometimes, but deep down, I knew I had to do something about it.
The kind of tired where my husband found me cradling air in the middle of the night because I thought I was breastfeeding my baby, when in fact, he was lying asleep next to me.
Chronic tiredness, where it’s just the norm, is even more dangerous because that’s when you get used to it and you learn to just about function. That’s where people get stuck in a cycle of living day-to-day, rather than for the days.
I nipped it in the bud before it became chronic because that’s where you REALLY lose control of your circumstances and get stuck in a cycle of life being done for you. You become a self-sabotaging soul whose only goal is survival.
I know that my joy was slowly being robbed of me when I was sleep-deprived with my firstborn.
Yes, I still felt glimpses of joy — I was my son’s mum, so there was no question there.
YES, I loved my precious smiley baby, but my days were going by without me really diving into the little details of my day. Rather, I was just constantly thinking about sleep logistics. For everyone, including ME. Because I was SO tired.
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Which is My Main Reason for Working on Sleep
Reconciling this has been a challenge, as it often seems that there are not many mothers openly acknowledging self-care as a priority outside of social media. To say it is one thing, but to practice it still has eyes rolling.
I devoted myself to meeting my son’s sleep needs, with him napping on me during the day and tirelessly working to ensure he slept through the night. However, this came at the expense of my own rest. Looking back, it’s evident that he wasn’t getting the sleep he needed either. I was so fixated on meeting the sleep hours required for his age that I’d convinced myself he “must” have been sleeping adequately.
Thankfully, Andriel’s sleep drastically improved when I implemented sleep training.
I didn’t always openly and confidently admit that I needed to prioritize my own sleep and mental health to raise my child. I didn’t want to merely survive day by day, focusing solely on ensuring my son was clothed, clean, and fed. It was about more than survival; I wanted us to savor our days, not just count down the hours until bedtime. (Yes, I still count the hours until bedtime four years later, just like everyone does — but it’s different — and most parents will know what I mean here.)
But I can say that I absolutely enjoy my days with my boys, and that’s because I have
set times that are just for me, and set times that are just for them. I have set my life up in such a way that I can deliver and surpass expectations for my children and for myself.
Mindful presence is what unlocks everyone’s potential to enjoy each day.
It’s what makes the mundane fun.
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Takeaway
When you’re just about functioning, the mundane stays mundane. I smile at the Sun. I literally get excited when I see a butterfly because the world is absolutely stunning when your presence is deliberate.
When you lift the fog of tiredness, everything actually sparkles, it’s like you’re looking at the world with an HD Instagram filter lens. You can feel the excitement when you look at a hot air balloon as you’re doing the washing up with music on.
This is why I sleep-trained my child.
I parent with intention so that my child can live intentionally.
So, if you are a tired parent, give yourself permission to make the appropriate changes in order to align your own goals and live your life with an elevated purpose. This will undoubtedly help your child to unlock their potential to thrive too.
I became a Paediatric Sleep Coach because I realized that there are so many parents out there who are desperate to sleep better at home. They just don’t give themselves permission to improve things. I am here to give you that permission if you won’t give it to yourself.
I have helped many families transform their lives and become more in tune with their children, and more mindful in their journey of life, not just with parenting, because we unlocked the power of sleep at home.
So, get in touch if you’d like some help. You need a supportive ally who understands your journey, and I am here to provide insights to help your child meet their sleep needs independently so you can begin your own journey of transformation, starting with getting the basics right — sleep.
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Sylvia Emokpae is a successful businesswoman, wife, and mother, passionate about motherhood, self-love, and all things that equal abundance and growth.
Follow her Baby and Toddler Sleep page on Instagram.
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This post was previously published on medium.com.
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From The Good Men Project on Medium
What Does Being in Love and Loving Someone Really Mean? | My 9-Year-Old Accidentally Explained Why His Mom Divorced Me | The One Thing Men Want More Than Sex | The Internal Struggle Men Battle in Silence |
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Photo credit: Rajesh Rajput on Unsplash