How Presumptuous of me!
I can hear you saying- (although it’s probably just the voices in my head).
“But M Davis… sir….
How in the ($#%!) could you write something so innately fanciful as a guide on how to do ANYTHING! “
To which I say…
“Easy sailor, let’s keep down the language, there may be kids present!”
Here’s how:
- Situations present themselves as obstacles and opportunities.
- I overcome them with Positivity.
- Thanks for Reading!! — Now go enjoy your life!!
OK, OK, Just kidding!!
You FIRST need to hit a wall REALLY HARD
- * Picture of a wall to insert here* (people tend to like pictures to illustrate stuff)
Ok, no picture… why?? … because everyone’s wall looks different.
Here’s mine:
Fanciful indeed.
My wall usually comes right after the moment when I thought I was doing something that I assumed would be a simple task, only to realize that is MUCH more complicated than I expected it to be.
Case in Point…
I have a general knowledge of SALES and Marketing and how to make you buy a product; raising expectations, making it your idea, so you see me as an assistant buyer, rather than trying to sell you something for a tangible product (in the real world).
BUT…
For some reason, the more ethereal concepts of Viral Marketing, Passive income, Online ads that lead to massive conversion, ie… Promotion… seem to present themselves as unforeseen barriers to my progress. after all, People say you can make millions online…People say alot of things.
Another case in point…
I say to myself that Today is the day.
Let’s build that website. Let’s master all the intricacies of WordPress and make an ad SO compelling that no mere mortal could NOT possibly resist in clicking or subscribing to something I feel has value, hoping that my Enthusiasm will catch on and transform itself into millions of new customers and, of course, millions….
But, no… doesn’t happen today, there’s always tomorrow…
Yet,
It just seems to leave me flatlined!!
Yes? no? Still with me?
Perhaps, I see it as too simple. You create and post something you feel has meaningful content online.
Maybe if I think really positive thoughts — maybe even implore a bit of the Law of Attraction , a little creative dash of the manifest, and suddenly, wallah!
“You’ve got Mastery!!”
You have achieved completion and proficiency… Congratulations to your wishful thinking. Kudos to your positivity!!
The reality is…
Something cannot be overcome if you have not taken the time to comeover to it.
Just sitting on the sidelines from a distance and waiting does not produce results. OH, you may THINK you are making progress, because the wheels are turning in a clockwise direction, but in reality you are at a complete and utter stand still.
Just the illusion of progress — You have to do the Work.
THEN…
THE Wall NEEDS to hit you back!
How does this happen? A wall is typically seen as an immovable object, not capable of movement.
Yes, I get it.
But remember the impact, the force of the blow.
Embrace the collision
Remember the feeling of waking up stunned next to it. Stars swirling around your head. The pain of the blow. The state of your affairs.
How did you get here?
- You made the decision to follow a path.
- The path led you to the wall.
- You crashed.. and Burned
Remember the BURN too, it leaves behind scars…
Remember the scars too… they remind us of where we have come.
Maybe you’ll be observant enough to remember how it feels to fail, and learn for the next time. Stoves burn for a reason, just don’t touch them.
Maybe, this is what your wall looks like.
Sheltered in place, yet propped up by your own sense of progress. Lost in thought as to your next move.
It’s ok to sit and ponder. To bask in the knowing’s glow and well-intentioned. Cathartic and peaceful conclusions to just “being”, but don’t let that define you.
So many things left to accomplish, this father of 4 has yet to experience. This is ok for me. I need to relish the times my children say to me, “Dad, come look at this.” or Dad, why is…? Although, the why questions come few and far between. I thought there would be more.
I truly thought Fatherhood would be different .
More questions, more interactions, more of so much more. I’m here, but sometimes, I feel distant. Too many shut doors and children who prefer solitude over socializing. Maybe it’s the culture, the times, the situation we are all in, the parents, the children…
Their sense of independence is strong.
I truly respect their right to privacy, but I feel sometimes I’m intruding on their space.
Forgive me for being so sensitive to their need to be alone… To a large degree, I get it. Netflix can be addicting. I played tons of video games growing up — Atari, Nintendo… I get it… It’s an escape. My son, plays not only drums, but guitar, and keyboard. My other son, loves sports, basketball and Playstation. My oldest daughter loves cosplay, and anime. My youngest daughter loves anything miniature or doll related. We make little YouTube videos. Does it matter if they go anywhere and lead to fame and fortune? No.
It matters that we are doing this together.
It’s so amazing seeing what is important to them and how they are making choices in life. Such life skills on display. Unfolding and growing.
But too many of these things are done in private, often behind closed doors. It’s all a part of growing up.
I need to let them have their “aha” moments.
But to what end? In the midst of these things in life we put so much emphasis on, (that admittedly give pleasure, expand horizons, improve skills), there is still an inherent caution to keep too many things to ourselves.
Maybe I was different growing up.
I remember asking my teacher what we were going to be talking about in class today. It drove them crazy, but satisfied my curiosity.
Often, by keeping things to ourselves, we lose sight of the joy that people closest to us would love to share in. We substitute our need to keep things personal for lack of disclosure. Communication, a sender/receiver interaction. A relationship. Something that seems to be lost.
If you feel this distance with members of your own family, please feel free to comment.
I’m still learning how to adjust from what I thought things would be like, to the reality of how they are.
Perhaps the second line of my headline is misleading…
There is no magic book with magical words that provide the blueprint for life. Its all up to interpretation.
You rise and fall by your own merit. The results of careful planning, or diving in head-first while throwing caution to the wind. The choices are yours.
Growing up, I would experiment with a recurring idea… what if…
There was a HUGE convention was held. And on the convention floor would be a HUGE book containing all the names of the attendees. And next to YOUR name was the name of the person you would marry, where you would live, your occupation and the plan for your life.
We played a similar game growing up with paper and making a column for each category listed above, each with 5 choices. The fifth choice was always the most outrageous (Married to a supermodel, driving a blue ice cream truck, as a rock star, and living on the moon). The player would choose a number and by a process of elimination, it would seal the fate as to how their life would unfold. Looking back, it was just a silly childish game.
If such a thing were to be true in real life, would we want to know? Would we accept the invitation to attend? How many excuses would we make?
How many decisions would we choose to alter, if we knew the outcome?
Probably all of them.
My path is not clear, and I can almost see the forest for the trees, but I am too distracted by the colors of the changing leaves. It’s temporary, pretty to look at, but not firm enough to build a solid foundation on.
Contentment, for contentment’s sake.
Still looking for that clarity — That “Aha” moment when it all comes together.
Hopefully, I’ll be aware enough to recognize it when it comes.
Thanks to Steve Campbell.
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This post was previously published on Medium.com.
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Photo credit: Joshua Earle on Unsplash