On Variety Actors on Actors, Academy Award Best Actress Nominee Cynthia Erivo and Best Actor Nominee Hugh Jackman discussed their movies, Wicked: For Good and Song Sung Blue.
In Song Sung Blue, Hugh said that he could trust and let go in his performance as Neil Diamond interpreter Mike. Cynthia asked Hugh what his turning point was.
Hugh said, “That the turning point for me. I know what I have.”
Cynthia asked, “When did you know?”
Hugh smiled and said, “Just after I was fifty.”
Hugh said, “I know what I have… It’s okay.”
Cynthia said, “You can just be.”
Hugh smiled, “Yes.”
Hugh Jackman is 57 years old. I’m 63 years old. I think I knew that “I know what I have”, when I was about 60 years old. As Cynthia reminded Hugh: It happens when it happens. What’s important is that it does happen. I think there’s also two sides to that coin: I know what I have; I know what I don’t have. In the Way of the Tao, we discover life in balance: Yin and Yang.
I’m not tall. I’m 5’ 3”. I’m not handsome. I’m not what women want. I wanted to be tall, handsome, and rich. That’s the no brainer. That would make a difference on the journey to fall madly and deeply in love with a woman, who would love me back the same way. Although as I’ve grown older and a just little bit wiser, that all would have been good. What’s more important than that is having a meaningful life.
Over the years, I healed my childhood trauma and depression and thinking that I’m not good enough in Aikido with the late Mizukami Sensei and Ishibashi Sensei, in therapy with Lance Miller, and discovering my narrative voice in writing for the Good Men Project with my Editor Lisa Hickey.
In Aikido, the late Mizukami Sensei said, “Wait it out. Enter the attack. Take a glancing blow if you have to. You’re not always going to get away scot-free. It’s one time.” Sensei taught me to take a risk, take a glancing blow for what’s meaningful to me. That’s the possibility of having a meaningful life.
Ishibashi Sensei said, “The purpose of Aikido is to release your fear.” He said, “The safest place to be is under the attack, in the danger.” When the bigger stronger man attacks, I wait it out, get under the attack, in the distance. I hold my position. I apply the Aikido technique to myself, not to the attacker. It’s only me against me. I open up. I let go my fear inside that I’m not good enough. I let it go over, and over, and over again. I’m quiet inside. I find peace inside. I know what I have.
When I teach Aikido to kids, I pass on all that Mizukami Sensei and Ishibashi Sensei bestowed upon me. I give it away all way to them. I know what I’ve been gifted. Legacy is about the possibility of the future, not the past. I know what I have.
In therapy with Lance Miller, I love myself for who I am and forgive myself for who I’m not. I know what I have. I know what I don’t have. I have peace inside me.
I write about loving and forgiving thine own self on the Good Men Project. I write for someone out there who could have been me, who worried too much, maybe hated on themselves too much, too. I let them know that they can work on themselves, not on others. Just train. That it’s okay. That they’re okay. They were always good enough. They just have to look inside themselves to get that.
Werner Erhard said, “The only meaning in life is the meaning that we give it.” I know what I have. I also know what I don’t have. Both give my life meaning. I have a meaningful life. As for finding the great love of my life, there are always possibilities. Who knows? Maybe lighting could strike. I have a life I love.
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Photo by Lina Trochez on Unsplash
