I Thought the Worst Thing in Life Was ‘Being Single’ — I Was Wrong

Single is no longer a lack of options — but a choice. A choice to refuse to let your life be defined by your relationship status but to live every day happily and let your “Ever After” work itself out.

~ Mandy Hale

It seems like the whole world is paired off, and you’re left standing on your own when you get questions like:

What’s wrong with you; why are you still single?
Why aren’t you dating anyone?

We are often told that being single is a bad thing. We are social creatures, it is said, and we need other people “to be happy.”

But what if this equation isn’t true? What if being single and alone is a good thing?

When I was in college, I spent a lot of time alone. I loved going to movies, restaurants, long walks by myself, and I would spend hours in the library reading and studying. I was happy then, and I didn’t feel like I needed anyone else to make me happy. In fact, being alone allowed me to focus on my life and figure out who I was.

“I wish I could show you the luminance of your own being when you are alone.”
— Khalil Gibran

I am not insulting relationships. I am not an anti-relationship person. There is no harm in getting hitched if it makes you happy!

However, it isn’t the only way to be content with yourself, as society proposes!

I’ve fallen into the trap of forcing myself into a relationship due to societal pressure. After the breakup, I’ve also suffered mentally and emotionally from thinking that if you are single, something is wrong with you, especially when most people around you seem to be coupling up!

My life and perception of the world changed when I realized the value of solitude.

The more you know yourself, the lesser you need/want anyone.

When I learned to love myself, I became happier and craved my own company more than anyone else’s. It’s not that I don’t want/need people in my life. But I am okay having a “single” status.

Being single doesn’t bother me, even when my friends and relatives make me look like an alien.

Here’s how I realized that being single is a superpower and can be harnessed to live a happy and contented life.

A relationship isn’t a goal of life. It’s a part of life (if you want it to be).

Being single used to mean that nobody wanted you.

Now it means you’re pretty sexy and you’re taking your time deciding how you want your life to be and who you want to spend it with.

– Carrie Bradshaw

I realized the importance of time alone when I saw a close friend get into an unhealthy relationship. His girlfriend belittled him for no reason, and she demanded his time.

I realized that this was something similar I’d faced and how it could have been averted.

I feel like we’re living in a society where people don’t know what they want, and all the pressure to conform makes it difficult for single people. Even if you want to be alone, there’s so much pressure from everyone else to find someone that you might cave in just to satisfy them.

This enforcement has to stop. We must realize that it’s okay to be single, and we should respect ourselves enough to know what we want and need.

It’s not the end of the world if you’re alone right now.

One reason singles are so poorly treated is that our society emphasizes marriage as a goal. There’s nothing wrong with wanting to find someone and settle down, but it shouldn’t be something everyone is expected to do.

The problem is that people think the only way to be happy or successful is to have a partner. Doesn’t that advice/ proposal/expectation make your happiness dependent on anyone/anything?

“Until you get comfortable with being alone, you’ll never know if you’re choosing someone out of love or loneliness.” — Mandy Hale

Being single is a different pace of life.

It was a quiet Sunday afternoon, and I was flipping pages of a book in my room. I had just finished a long shift at work, and all I wanted to do was relax.

But even though I was home, I couldn’t seem to calm down. Every time I was alone, I felt this sense of dread. Like there was something wrong with me because I didn’t want to date anyone.

I eventually put everything down and decided to go for a walk. As I walked, I started to feel better. The sun was shining, and the birds were singing. And by the time I got back, I had calmed down. I realized then that being alone isn’t as bad as you think.

It can be a great change of pace.

Sometimes you need some alone time to relax and recharge. When you’re on your own, it’s easier to focus on yourself and your needs. It can also give you some perspective. You might find that other things in life make you happy, besides spending time with people.

I know what it’s like to feel lonely and depressed on your own. But now, I’ve learned that being alone is a superpower. You don’t need someone else to enjoy life, and sometimes “by yourself” is the best way to be.

Just because you’re home alone doesn’t mean there’s something wrong with you.

“I thought the worst thing in life was being single, it’s not! The worst thing in life is to be with people that make you feel single.”

Don’t compare apples to oranges.

Being single is about celebrating and appreciating your own space that you’re in.

~ Kelly Rowland

One of the biggest reasons why people feel bad about being single is because they compare themselves to those in relationships.

This is a mistake because you are not comparing yourself to your equals. You are comparing yourself to people in a different situation than you are.

This illogical comparison makes you feel worse about being single because it makes you feel like you’re missing out on something. It can be anything like sex, company, conversation, cuddle, etc., but the truth is none of these are wants or needs — they’re just an illusion society has created that you can’t live without.

Tom Hardy recently quoted:

“Remove sex from a relationship and you will discover that a lot of people have nothing to offer.”

You are the only one who knows what you want.

I know that it feels like everyone else is in a relationship but you. This is not the case, though. People often get into relationships just because it seems like everyone else wants one.

Being single can be just as fulfilling as being in a relationship if you know and love yourself as you are.

You’re not inadequate that any significant other can complete you.

Final Words

Being single is not as bad as everyone thinks. It can provide you with opportunities to be more self-aware and introspective while also allowing you to explore your interests without interference from others.

Being single means, you are in a different stage of your life than others. You’re not alone, and you don’t need to feel lonely just because you’re home alone.

You can be happy and successful without a partner, but if you want one, then make it happen for yourself. Don’t wait around for someone else to come along because this will prevent you from discovering the right person.

No matter what life you choose to live — being single or committed, always remember:

Just because you don’t fit the mold, doesn’t mean you’re wrong.

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Previously Published on medium

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