'If They Wanted to, They Would': When Actions Don't Equal Effort

How many of you have heard, “If they wanted to, they would”?

When you are trying hard, so hard, to be a good lover with very little in return.

Stop with the rationalizations. Yes, stop it.

Are you always initiating contact?
Do you find yourself going out of your way to text and return calls?

If they aren’t reciprocating — don’t chase someone that doesn’t want to be pursued. It’s simple, really. If you question their level of interest, that’s a sign right there. A BIG HONKING RED FLAG.

You can see the writing on the wall. The distance, the infrequent communication, and the tightening of access.

“Are you free now?”
“Can I text you?”
“Would love to hear from you…”

Instead, the welcome mat is pulled up, and the lights are turned off, one by one. Sure, he still says what you want to hear.

“Nothing has changed. I still love you.”
“Baby, we are perfect.”
“Don’t you worry about a thing.”

Except, the distance between his words and actions is becoming a chasm.

Don’t waste your time crying.

No more swallowing lies. No believing in a fairy tale. Happily ever afters are hard to come by in adultery. I’m cynical for a reason. This lifestyle burns you a little bit with each lover and every promise.

“I don’t want anyone but you, babe.”

Affairs are deception. Pure and simple. We lie to our spouses, and we lie to ourselves. The bottom line is if he wanted to be with you that badly, he’d leave.

Human action is like a scale. If you want anything bad enough, you’ll take steps to make it happen.

Right now, the scale tips towards the wife. She’s got more to offer, perhaps. Maybe he doesn’t want to be the “bad guy” by leaving. Perhaps, he’s got a strong sense of loyalty and won’t “abandon” his spouse.

“I’m leaving in the next two years, once I get my finances together.”
“She and I are together in name only.”
“It’s all over, I promise.”

Rarely does an affair partner leave their spouse.

Until the scale slides in your favor, you are out of luck. Nothing will change. You won’t be the exception to the rule. Maybe, you might be lucky. But I’m doubtful.

But never, for one single second, believe it will happen until it does.

Take this as a sign to pull back. Let go of the dream. Take care of yourself. Being the “other woman” is no life to live. It’s not your white knight charging to your rescue. Don’t get caught up in the fantasy, the escape. The shimmer of happiness you experience with a lover is an illusion.

If they wanted to, they would.

NOTHING would get in his way if he decided you were “it.”
Remember that.

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If you liked this one, read about breadcrumbing:

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This post was previously published on medium.com.

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