If This Is You, You Shouldn’t Be Dating

There was this darkly comedic quote I read once (though, for the life of me, I just can’t remember where), “Dating after 30 is a lot like bargain hunting. You’re just trying to find something that fits you that has the least damage.”

It’s a cynical look at dating, but most of us know by now that dating the wrong person can leave a stain that just won’t wash off.

Unfortunately, if you date someone just because they’re not your ex, you can become the wrong person for that someone.

Maybe it’s time you pay attention to your own red flags before someone else has to spot them for you.

You Can’t Help Bad Mouthing Your Ex

Well, she’s bad-mouthing you too! There’s a lot of anger and bitterness involved in some breakups, and as awful as it all feels, it’s understandable.

But if you find yourself on a date and all you can talk about are your ex’s faults, then you should question whether you’re even ready to date just yet.

You’re Jaded and Believe You Hate Women

Do you? Or are you still just hurting?

Some ends take longer than others and leave wounds that fester. When the wound is still fresh, there’s not much room for any other feeling in you, like excitement, hope, or, yes, love.

The worst part is, you could inflict the same kind of hurt on someone whose only similarity to your ex is that she, too, is a woman.

You’ve Met Someone Great, And It Depresses You

If only you’d met her when you were still whole, right? You could be just the man a great woman like her deserves. Sadly, your evil ex got her hooks on you first, and now you’re just a shell of the man you used to be.

It sounds dramatic, but it’s all too real. If you find yourself telling your awesome date that you don’t deserve her and actually mean it, you’re right.

No, it’s not that you’re a loser. It means that you have more work to do.

You’re Going Too Fast

By the second date, you’re telling her you want her to meet your mother.

Well, hey, maybe you’ve actually known each other for a while, and only now have you dated. But are you really sure about your new date, or are you just in a rush to replace your ex?

That’s not fair to either of you.

She’s Not Your Ex

Caught you by surprise?

A relationship can end before the feelings run out. That doesn’t mean you have to stay with your ex. But that also doesn’t mean you’re over her.

Maybe you still love her and wish it was her you were with. That doesn’t make you a chump. It just means you’re human enough to feel that deeply.

A broken heart is like a broken bone in that way — you need to give it time to heal before putting any weight on it.

If you’re feeling impatient, again, perfectly understandable. Who wants to stay down in the dumps?

But taking your time is preferable to wasting your time.

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In a perfect world, we’d all be able to heal from our pasts before moving toward our futures. But we’re nowhere near perfect, and sometimes, all we can do is take responsibility for our own well-being instead of putting it on someone else’s shoulders.

Bright side? There’s no one better qualified for the job of taking care of yourself than you are.

about the author, Liliana Andrino

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This post was previously published on medium.com.

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