I’m Childfree — Get the Hell Over It

I’m noticing that as I get older the men who approach me are increasingly affected by me not having any children.

For those who don’t know, I’m child-free.

And once men (especially catcallers) initiate a conversation with me and learn this information after asking me the inevitable,

You got any kids?

Only to hear a —

No.

in response, things seem to get… weird.

They always ask me,

Why?/Why not?

but every single one of them is also visibly

annoyed
shocked
and angered

by the fact that I’m childless before even asking me why I am.

This is massively alarming to me.

Not only because none of this pushback is coming from women (at all) but because the majority of these men have kids — many kids.

…

Leave my womb alone

The way I see it, if you have your own children why are you so concerned about whether or not I have any? Because even if I did, they wouldn’t have been yours?

The entitlement has never ceased to amaze me specifically when a couple of these men went on to insinuate that they would be the ones to get me pregnant.

Yes.

Complete strangers on the street have said this to me.

Unprovoked.

In fact, one guy who stopped me on my way home today actually told me,

I’m gonna put a ring on your finger. I mean, you don’t want to be a baby mama — you’d rather be a wife, right?

(I’d rather be neither.)

He said this after learning I had no children.

Once he made this statement I let him know I wasn’t interested in ever getting married — or having kids, which I normally don’t do.

I may be childfree but I don’t push my decision on anyone nor do I go around announcing it as if it were some badge of honor or bashing those who choose a different lifestyle.

Because that’s what being childfree is, a lifestyle.

Plain and simple.

But the response I received this past Saturday to this lifestyle of not having any children, especially at my current age of 29, has been the vilest so far.

And it opened my eyes to how badly some men really want to put us, as women, in our “places” and by that I mean, in the role of being somebody’s mother.

…

Saturday, August 5th, 2023

(shortly before 10:30 a.m.)

I was headed to my favorite deli at the end of the block across the street from my house when this man approached me and said,

HEY!

Before putting his fist out for a fist bump.

I recognized him immediately.

Waleed.

The manager of another deli on the same block.

Last I knew Waleed was battling an ongoing illness and within a couple of months his sons took over and he disappeared.

I was worried that Waleed had died so I was genuinely happy to see him alive and well.

Initially.

I returned his fist bump when he suddenly pointed to my stomach and said,

You don’t have any kids.

He said it like a statement but I realized he was asking me which caught me off guard because of all the things to be concerned about I couldn’t see why my having, or not having, kids was at the top of his specific list.

I told him no and he asked me why not.

I repeated his question to make sure I was hearing him right,

Why don’t I have kids?

He looked irritated as he said yea.

I just don’t —

Before I could finish, he cut me off with another question.

You have a boyfriend?

Do I have a boyfriend?

Yea.

No.

Why?

He looked confused, irritated, and in disbelief.

Meanwhile, I was shocked, nearly speechless, and trying to figure out where this was coming from. This man hadn’t seen me in over a year and this was his concern?

Why?

Why did any of this information matter so much to him?

Well, I was about to get my answer.

…

He Made Me an Offer I Could (Easily) Refuse

I told him that I’m not dating right now when Waleed cut me off with the most disrespectful question I think I’ve been asked in a long while.

You need me to give you kids?

I actually thought I was hearing him wrong so I repeated what I thought he asked me.

Do I want you to give me kids? Like, get me pregnant?

Yea.

He was dead serious.

He actually meant this.

The look on his face wasn’t that of a regular cat caller who seems to wear this invisible smirk on his face.

He really couldn’t understand the concept of a woman nearing thirty and not having any children, let alone not having a boyfriend (apparently).

And being in both positions by choice.

He figured me not having a man was the sole reason I had no kids when in reality I did my best to make sure I didn’t get pregnant when I did have a man.

He felt the only other option I had was for him to inseminate me to give me a kid. That’s how bad he wanted me to have one.

He said,

Why? Why you don’t have kids?

I told him the truth,

I like being free

I kid you not (no pun intended), this man got so angry.

He was actually offended for some reason.

I would even say he was disgusted with me at this point because his face twisted up as if he’d heard me wrong before he asked me to repeat what I’d just said.

So I did.

I like being free.

And that’s when it happened.

The truth — his truth — came out.

No. God didn’t intend for you to be free. You’re a woman. That’s not what he wants.

(He even pointed at the sky to emphasize his point.)

The problem is, that’s what I want.

This is my life.

And this is also where our conversation ended because he went back to his initial offer while also telling me that back in his country he has two wives and kids with each one.

That’s fine but I’m not going to be his third so I wished him well and walked away, leaving him standing on the sidewalk,

Riled up over my life choices.

My stance still stands,

I am child-free.

Get the hell over it.

About Me — Linda Sharp
The writer who has to write in order to stay alive — I am not kidding.
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This post was previously published on medium.com.

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