I’m Growing but My Wife Refuses to Join Me

hey brother it’s Dan with good guys to

Great Men thanks again for watching this

week today I’m going to talk to you

about one of the most powerful tools

that is available to you in your life in

your relationship in your relationship

with other any other people whether it’s

your kids whether it’s friends whether

it’s family members whether it’s people

at work uh but especially in your

intimate romantic relationship which is

where we always start because this is

the Battleground right this is this is

the place where it’s hardest place for

us to stay consistent in our own sense

of value and worth and confidence with

the other person where whenever they’re

going through whatever they’re going

through for us to be able to stay

consistent in ourselves and our own

sense of worthiness and so the tool that

I want to talk to you about today is

actually unconditional love now

everybody’s going to say ah

unconditional love end the video right

now okay let’s just listen to what I

have to say a little a little bit and

just see whether you get something

different from today’s video than you

might have got from before so how does

this normally show up in our coaching

that we do with guys it normally shows

up in the way that somebody comes along

and says I’m in this relationship I’ve

been doing this work for a while I feel

like I’m getting more confident more

clear about what I want and the other

person my partner is kind of staying

where they are and every time I want to

talk to her about the relationship every

time I want to move things forward I

just get we get stuck we go into a

spiral we go into the same old cycle and

I feel like we don’t go anywhere and I

feel like I can’t take it where I want

to take it what do I do what are my

options how do I move this forward and

so the reason I talk about unconditional

love is because right now in the

situation that you’re in the main

question I want to ask you is can you

accept the other person exactly as they

are right now not just that but can you

love the other person exactly as they

are right now and if you can’t answer

that question with a wholehearted yes

then maybe can you do it for a period of

time give yourself a certain time frame

and say for this time frame I’m going to

put aside all of my all of the things I

need to be different about this person

in this relationship and I’m just going

to I’m just going to give them my

unconditional love right I’m just going

to accept them for exactly who they are

and where they are right now and I’m

going to just love them for that and so

what does that look like for you what

does that feel like for you get a clear

understanding of of that so that you can

start to do that and the reason that

this is such a powerful tool is that the

other person if you have some in some

way or another holding back or if you’re

in some way or another thinking about

all of the reasons as to why this

relationship can’t get to or isn’t going

where you want it to go and you are

thinking about those things while you’re

interacting with the other person or

even if you’re just around the other

person it’s

there that judgment is in the container

of your relationship it’s being felt

between the two of you and not only that

but as you’re moving forward and

sometimes we can get a little bit you

know overzealous and think I’m far far

ahead of where the other person is but

as you’re moving forward the other

person can feel the dissonance you know

they can feel the Gap growing of course

we we’re connected to each other so we

know when one person’s changing and

moving in a certain direction we can

feel the difference there and of course

the initial reaction that happens in the

person who sees someone else changing is

fear right they’re scared what does this

mean for me and so what happens they go

into self- protection mode they go into

you know defensive mode whenever you

bring things up whenever you want to

talk about stuff whenever you want to

talk about what you want in the

relationship so how do you move it

forward well unconditional love says if

I truly love you then I want you to be

happy right I want you to be happy

whever and whatever and whoever you are

being in this moment or where you go in

the future that’s what unconditional

love really says and when you bring that

into a relationship with somebody it can

dramatically change their ability to

hear what you have to say right their

ability to understand what it is you

really want their willingness to open up

and try new things and move in a certain

direction and most

importantly it actually really affects

their willingness to look at themselves

but you don’t actually need to talk

about that which is the crazy Paradox of

this when you bring unconditional

acceptance and unconditional love into

your relationship with your romantic

sexual partner you don’t need to talk

about the differences the dissonance

what you want and how things are not

where they need to be the other person

knows it and those things will naturally

come up in conversation As you move

through your relationship as you move in

the direction that you want to go

because the way you’re being with them

communicates a thousand times louder

than anything you can possibly say and

most of the time when we’re in this

situation doesn’t seem like the other

person is moving I feel like I’m moving

forward doesn’t how do I help help them

move forward with me most of the time

when we’re in this situation

we are not able to inspire them because

we’re not feeling inspired ourselves

we’re actually feeling kind of Trapped

and kind of stuck and we’re often

thinking that it’s them that’s causing

us to feel trapped and stuck and so when

you start going huh this person what if

I was to look at this person and say

this this person is not a problem this

person is not what’s causing the trouble

in the relationship what if I was just

to bring the best most optimistic most

in

enthusiastic excited vision of what I

want to create and I don’t know whether

it’s going to be with this person right

now and in fact that doesn’t really

matter because what I need to do is to

create the opportunity is to make the

invitation so that starts with me okay

so if I have an unconditional love

firstly for myself and then for the

future that I’m creating and for the

person that I’m spending time with and

inviting into this future with me you

allow everything to open up you allow

the other person to feel safe you allow

the other person to feel inspired you

allow the other person to connect to

your vision you allow the other person

to connect to though the energy that you

are bringing to that that F future

movement that forward motion that is

something that’s really exciting and

really intriguing and that is the best

possible tool that you can bring to your

relationship is come join me in this

energy right this is where I’m going

this is what I’m going to be experien

experiencing more of and I would love

for you to be part of that so are you

willing are you ready do you want to

come and have some of this and so it’s

letting go of all that stuff that could

get in the way or that has got in the

way in the past and actually it’s like

clearing the path and saying I’m

creating a new pathway and this new

pathway is going somewhere new so

unconditional love I have seen

unconditional love turn a relationship

that is completely disconnected you know

not talking to each other total

isolation not wanting to have anything

to do with each other even talking about

divorce to the point of going I know

that you love me the way you look at me

now is is different to the to the last

25 years of our relationship I don’t

need you to tell me I doesn’t know it

and so this is how much of an impact

unconditional love can have in your

relationship and it’s not that easy

that’s the tricky thing being able to

bring that full acceptance of somebody

but that is like the ground you’re

laying new ground and you’re saying

right here this is Ground Zero from here

we can jump off into any direction that

we want to go and do you want to come

with me and so it’s your responsibility

as the man to lead the relationship and

to lead the relationship in the

direction that you want it to go with

unconditional love unconditional love

says I invite you to come and join me on

this journey and if you can’t yeah I’m

probably going to be sad I’m maybe going

to be frustrated

a little bit you know upset for a while

but it doesn’t change the fact that I

love you now and I’ll love you then we

may not be in the same kind of

relationship but I still love you and

that’s what I have for you today guys

it’s an incredibly powerful tool and I

would love for you to put some comments

in in the below this video and just let

me know whenever you’ve had an

experience of this sometimes it looks

like some bad news and you just stand

firmly in your care for the other person

and you just say it’s okay everything’s

going to be all right and and this

catastrophe that was happening for the

other person instantly

disappears that’s the kind of thing that

you can do with unconditional love so

I’d love to hear some of your stories

take care brother see you bye