Inside the mind of a man there are many things going on, even when it doesn’t seem like it. Somewhere along the line, men were encouraged to mask any form of weakness, that being any hurt, pain, sadness, tears or similar feelings they may be experiencing(caps.umich.edu/).
One can honestly understand that in the earlier years of humanity and social development, this mode of behavior may have been considered the difference between life and death. Also, its not difficult to see how masking pain and feelings could be required in unique circumstances such as battle, competition or survival.
However, today we see the social conversations shifting toward promoting men to express or talk about how they feel (https://www.yourtango.com/). Many believe the masking or suppressing of feelings and emotions in men, may be linked to mental illness, substance abuse and violence.
You can find volumes of documentation and references on this subject. There are some very smart practitioners, psychologists and hundreds of organizations who are experts in this area. However, what I offer below is a humble assessment from personal experience, and insight from several men we’ve had discussions with.
What we found was quite interesting and looks to be true in most men. From the conversions, we chose to highlight three areas of a man’s life that men are known to talk about when going well, but not so much if at all, when things are not going well in those areas of their lives. We’ve listed the three below:
1) Health
2) Sex Life
3) Mood
Photo by Norbert Buduczki on Unsplash
Health
When a man’s health is good and he is in great shape, you’ll often hear him speaking about it. He’ll conversationally share how many miles he ran. He’ll share how many times a week he hits the gym. Even through non verbal expression, you’ll see it in his posture and presence.
However, when a man’s health is not so good or if they’re experiencing some sort of sudden physical pain or discomfort, many men will simply wait for it to pass. In many instances, even if these unknown pains or discomforts are experienced often or for longer durations, many men will still not share it openly.
Sex Life
It’s not uncommon for men, at least among single men, to openly mention their sex life if it’s thriving. They’ll often go on about how much sex they’re having and how well they performed. However, it’s likely that you’ll never over-hear a group of men publicly sharing that they’re experiencing erectile dysfunction or that they’re not getting any sex at all.
Sex is something many men directly associate to their manhood, so issues in that area can have a profound impact on a man’s psyche. Yet, we find that most men just won’t talk about it.
There are now several prescriptions and supplements to address some of the physical or biological challenges men might be experiencing sexually. However, there are many psychological and emotional challenges involving a man’s sex life that they may be reluctant to speak about.
For instance, some men can have sexual encounters without emotional or mental attachment. Other men cannot, and have challenges with attachment, possessiveness and utter infatuation with a person they’ve had casual sex with.
Sex can trigger many confusing feelings and emotions in a man. If those feelings and emotions are not appropriately addressed, they often end up being expressed in other not-so-desirable ways such as aggression, anger or even depression. See, a man usually won’t openly discuss or admit when a woman has him sexually turned out.
Photo by Nik Shuliahin on Unsplash
Mood
When a man is feeling good and in a good mood, it’s not hard to tell. He’ll openly tell you directly. He’ll speak about how things are going great, what he’s looking forward to and how good he’s feeling about it.
On the other hand, it’s a challenge for most men to openly say when they’re feeling sad, depressed or angry. To the public, most men cover it up and act as if everything is going well. However, people closest to them, like family and friends, can often tell when a man is in a bad mood, they just won’t know why.
We could tell when grandpa was in a bad mood by his facial expression and tone of voice. However, I doubt if my big, strong, blue collar grandfather ever had open conversations with anyone about his feelings and what was bothering him.
The Effects
It’s been shown in several instances that suppression of certain emotions and feelings can indeed impact mental as well as physical health. Mental stress has even been linked to high blood pressure, aneurisms and other serious health issues(https://www.heart.org).
Though men may know the impact to their health and well being, they still may not start openly discussing their feelings all at once. However, we can encourage our men to take time and browse through the many resources of support information available out there.
Photo by John Fornander on Unsplash
Find and share links to groups and forums they can join anonymously. This can help provide men a setting or space to release and express some of the heavier things they may be holding in their minds and hearts. This can also help a man to see that he’s not alone in the challenges he’s facing and that there’re many other men feeling the same.
Encourage our men to find at least one person in their lives, they can trust and confide in from time to time. Maybe the idea that men have to always hide their feelings and “suck it up” is just not healthy.
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This post was previously published on medium.com.
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White Fragility: Talking to White People About Racism | Escape the “Act Like a Man” Box | The Lack of Gentle Platonic Touch in Men’s Lives is a Killer | What We Talk About When We Talk About Men |
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