I didn’t have my first serious boyfriend until I was 22.
In Gen Z years, that is seriously old. It may be unusual for a relatively normal young woman to have never dated anyone by that time in her life.
But is it a red flag?
Short answer — it depends.
Long answer — it depends on a person’s reasons for not dating. If a woman’s reasons for not dating are because nobody meets her unrealistically high standards, it could be a red flag. But there could also be situations where a particular set of values are hard to find.
Part of the reason I waited until my early twenties to commit to someone was that it was important to me that I found a man who shared my Catholic faith. I’m glad I waited, instead of settling for someone who I couldn’t share this huge part of my life with.
But even for secular women, finding someone who shares certain values — whether it’s work ethic, prioritization of family, an athletic lifestyle, or otherwise — can be really difficult.
In modern dating culture, people try on partners as they try on shoes.
With the internet and dating apps, dating has become far more accessible. Social stigmas around dating strictly for marriage or dating as “courtship” are no longer prevalent in most parts of the Western world.
It’s common now for people to have many boyfriends or girlfriends throughout their lives. Children dating as young as 13 or 14 aren’t even seen as premature or taboo anymore.
In a world where everyone has had a few partners by the time they graduate high school, young men and women are concerned that their lack of “dating” experience can make them appear unattractive or undesirable.
The question here is — what does a person’s dating experience say about them?
Does a series of former relationships “prove” that a person was desirable, or that this same person couldn’t make a relationship last?
Does a history of exes mean that a person was attractive enough to get them, or not attractive enough to keep them around?
It really just depends on how a person interprets relationships and their impact on a person’s life.
So is not having previous dating experience a “red flag?”
I would have to say no. The greater red flag to me would be someone who’s had many partners that didn’t stick around.
Regardless of whether you’ve had 100 relationships or none whatsoever, the right person for you will like you for who you are.
Most people would agree that when you really like someone, their dating history is not as important as the qualities that they presently bring to the table. Of course, we all have a past and we all bring past experiences with us into the present. But that past shaped us into the people we are today.
If you are a young person who has limited dating experience or has never dated in general, it is only an insecurity as much as you make it one.
If you wear it on your sleeve as something to be embarrassed about or ashamed of, it will likely come across that way. But if you keep it unapologetically as part of your story, it could be a sign of strength. It could be a sign that you know what you’re looking for and what you can offer — without compromising out of desperation for love.
Don’t date just to say that you’ve dated.
Date when you find the right person to start a relationship with.
The person you do end up with will thank you.
—
This post was previously published on medium.com.
***
From The Good Men Project on Medium
What Does Being in Love and Loving Someone Really Mean? | My 9-Year-Old Accidentally Explained Why His Mom Divorced Me | The One Thing Men Want More Than Sex | The Internal Struggle Men Battle in Silence |
***
Join The Good Men Project as a Premium Member today.
All Premium Members get to view The Good Men Project with NO ADS.
A $50 annual membership gives you an all access pass. You can be a part of every call, group, class and community.
A $25 annual membership gives you access to one class, one Social Interest group and our online communities.
A $12 annual membership gives you access to our Friday calls with the publisher, our online community.
Register New Account
Need more info? A complete list of benefits is here.
—–
Photo credit: Sasha Freemind on Unsplash