Is Your Solution Good or Fast?

The two most powerful warriors are patience and time.

~Leo Tolstoy

How often have you successfully solved a major problem at your job on the fly?

In most cases, you would do some research to determine what the problem is and then spend some time thinking through solutions and the ensuing consequences of each option.

Because if you got it wrong it would be costly. To the company and probably to your job.

So, why? Why would you try to resolve an issue with your spouse without taking time to give it some thought?

My kids used to try to get me to agree to things by giving me an arbitrary time frame. They would ask if they could participate in some activity that would cost time or money as they were heading out the door for school.

My standard response was, “I need to think about it.” To which the response would be, “But I need to know now.”

I would reply, “If you need to know now, the answer is ‘no’.” Suddenly, I had all the time I needed to make a decision.

And, believe it or not, you do too.

I’ve long said that the only thing that requires an immediate decision is “does the doctor perform emergency surgery?”.

But people don’t like uncertainty. When confronted with a challenge, most of us want it to go away quickly.

But in your marriage, like in your job, you want the best solution to a problem. Not necessarily the fastest one.

And one of you may need more time or more conversations to reach a decision than the other. And that can add to the challenge of finding a good solution.

It is important for that person to get the time they need. This doesn’t mean the conversations or decision making can go on indefinitely.

But when you are willing to slow things down, deal with your own or your partner’s anxiety over not having an answer, and give voice to all concerns, you can get a real and lasting resolution to an issue.

And isn’t that worth a little time?

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Previously Published on The Hero Husband Project and is republished on Medium.

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