It’s Ok To Pay for the Guy

I talked to a friend this afternoon.

Her boyfriend lost his job a year ago due to Covid and has had a hard time finding a new one. He’s managed to get occasional temp work but he is earning a lot less than he used to.

My friend was unhappy about this.

“It’s tough on him, isn’t it,” I asked, sympathetically.

“Well, and it’s tough on me, too,” she said.

“How so?” I asked, expecting her to complain about having to give more emotional support or dealing with a lack of sex drive.

“We don’t go out anymore,” she griped.

“Well, no one is going out,” I pointed out. “Covid.”

“It’s not just that,” she said. “There are some things we could do, but he doesn’t have the money and I don’t want to treat him all the time.”

I was surprised. I knew she had a well paying job.

“Does your boyfriend pay his own bills?” I asked.

“Well, yeah,” she said.

“Then, I don’t see the problem,” I said. “I mean, turn this around. Let’s say that you were out of work and he was making a decent income. Wouldn’t he treat you to fun stuff, and would anyone have a problem with that?”

“Well, I would still pay my own bills,” she said.

“Sure,” I said. “But he’s doing that. It’s just the fun stuff he can’t afford.”

She didn’t say anything for a bit, then acknowledged my point.

“It’s a partnership,” I said, gently. “Is he a good partner in other ways? Does he provide emotional support, does he help out with chores?”

My friend had to admit that he did these things.

“Then I don’t see why you don’t treat him to fun things once in a while. I mean, with Covid… but if there are things you both feel safe doing, why is it such a big deal that you’re the one paying? You’re supposed to be partners.”

She laughed. “It’s just that… well, my sister was getting upset when I was treating him to stuff.”

“And it’s her business… why? I mean, don’t get me wrong, I know your sister loves you. And, if he’s sitting on the couch in his underwear drinking beer all day while you work, or borrowing money from you, then yeah… But that’s not the situation. You’ve got a partner that is doing the best he can. He just can’t afford non-essentials right now. So… forget what anyone else thinks. If there is something fun the two of you want to do, go ahead and treat him as long as you can afford it.”

“Yeah,” she said. “I guess I will.” She seemed happier.

We moved on and talked about other things, but the conversation made me wonder — why are people still hung up on stereotypes?

Ladies, we now live in a modern era where we can earn more than our partners. When we do, there is nothing wrong with treating him (or her) to stuff, just like men have traditionally treated women. In fact, there is nothing wrong with the woman being the breadwinner and the man staying home with the kids, if that is what a couple decides is best.

Stop being fixated on antiquated stereotypes and enjoy your partners for who they are, not who you think they should be.

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This post was previously published on medium.com.

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