Today I’m going to step out of my usual dead-serious mode, and take a satiric look at some of the ridiculous and dangerous BS that the far right is pushing in today’s U.S. This a new genre that I’m exploring — so please be gentle, and enjoy!
First, there was the huge ‘anti-woke’ backlash that began under Trump. Once upon a time, in a galaxy far, far away, the idea of being awake, aware, and ‘woke’ was seen as a good thing — something to strive for and embrace. I mean, who wouldn’t want to be more awake and aware? Right? (Wrong!)
But then, along came the election deniers, equality-deniers, climate-change deniers, anti-vaxxers, and other modern-day idiots … and suddenly, stupidity, racism, and hate were all the rage (pun intended).
Suddenly, it was A-OK to be mean, cruel, racist, and violent — even more, it was great fun, and with Trump in office, it was politically correct too! Wow, what a fantastic two-fer!
Yep, the right-wingers finally woke up and realized, to their horror, that they’d been had. They’d been pressured and scammed into thinking that rights and freedom are for everyone — every American citizen — and that today’s multi-racial ‘liberal democracy’ is supposed to be inclusive and fair.
God, what a crock of shit (that word ‘liberal’ is a dead give-away)! What a crooked, disgusting bill of goods!
They all realized, to their horror, that they had succumbed to RADICAL LEFTIST POLITICAL CORRECTNESS, and had betrayed their roots and their basic conservative principles.
They were misled and hypnotized by the socialist radicals, and forgot (briefly) that this nation was created by and for White males — and that everyone else is irrelevant … or a second-class citizen, at best.
The name of the game is ‘Anti-woke’
So, these sad, befuddled right-wingers made up their minds then and there: No more listening to radical leftist garbage about ‘freedom for all’!
No more catering to radical socialists — who are busy taking over America, and giving it away to dark-skinned people and invading immigrant hordes! No more of this liberal, artsy-fartsy ‘woke agenda’!
It’s high time to hold our heads high and be defiantly “Anti-woke!”
Here’s the real, God-given truth: if ANY democracy-loving ‘libtard’ ideals are allowed to flourish, the U.S. is done for. DONE. Like our savior Donald Trump says, we’ve got to fight, and fight hard — or we “won’t have a country anymore!” Any Democreep/’libtard’/socialist initiatives or laws are automatically weak and wrong, and need to GO — fast!
When the Democreeps talk about freedom and bodily autonomy for women — scream, yell, and shut ’em down! When they try to expand voting rights for all those poor, helpless (no, manipulative and greedy) minorities — scream, yell, and shut ’em down!
When the godless liberals talk about the separation of church and state — well, their hatred of God, religion, and all us good American Christians is blinding them, so we have to resist with all our might — and attack, attack, attack!
Scream, yell, and shut ’em down!
‘Equal opportunity’ is a bunch of ‘libtard’ CRAP
Anytime these friggin’ radical socialists talk about a free, just society that works for everyone — well, that’s just obvious ‘libtard’ crap, since we all know that America is here mainly to support rich White folks.
Anytime the ‘libtard’ socialists start spouting off about racial equality or that absurd left-wing bugaboo ‘equal opportunity’ — it’s time to shut ’em down!
Thank God, the right woke up just in time — and realized we had to violently oppose ‘wokeness’ in all its forms. And it’s working!
Now our manly creed is “Destroy the liberal-socialist ‘woke agenda’!” — so we can Make America Great Again, and bring back our former glory days when men were men, women were inferior, and Blacks were even more inferior!
Truly, the right wing wised up just in time. Now the truth is out about the liberal-socialist plot to undo and remake America — and it’s clear that ‘wokeness’ is just a liberal-socialist trap! Plus, it’s all just crazy, godless, liberal-socialist crap. (Wow, I’m a poet, and didn’t know it!)
Now — thank you, Jesus! — any self-respecting, God-fearing White right-winger wouldn’t be caught dead being ‘woke’!
It’s clear as day: re-creating a White-centric, misogynist, and openly racist nation is the best and ONLY way forward. MAGA forever! It’s all about restoring our past glory — and ‘woke’ has no place in it!
In fact, being ‘woke’ does the exact opposite: it persecutes Whites and drags us down! Screw ‘woke’! We’ll take being asleep, unaware, and superior any day!
Whites are the ones who are REALLY oppressed
Writer’s aside: Now that we’ve sliced and diced ‘anti-wokism,’ let’s move on to a closely related subject — the rabid anti-DEI movement. This should be fun, ’cause there’s just so much here to tear apart and poke fun at.
But before we get to the juicy meat of the issue, there’s an underlying trend that demands our attention: a bizarre right-wing ploy that sits in the background like a leering Buddha … er, Jesus.
I’m talking about the recent Whitey-righty declaration that now White folks are the ones being limited, oppressed, and persecuted … while Black folks have it made in the shade!
Yep, that’s right, all that talk about Black Lives Matter, true equality for darker-skinned folks, and equal opportunity for Blacks and Hispanics is just more ‘woke’ garbage: radical-socialist BS designed to steal White Americans’ freedom and opportunities!
Yes, indeed — it’s a seditious left-wing conspiracy! There’s a vast Democreep-sponsored invasion of illegals and dark-skinned folks — and they’re trying really hard to turn us Whites into a powerless minority.
The damn ‘Great Replacement’ is happening — fast — and Whites are about to lose everything! Grab your guns!
Photo by Sushil Nash on Unsplash
The many evils of DEI
Now that we’re clear that Whites are the ones who are really being oppressed — while having their country stolen right out from under them — we can begin to grasp the horrendous, multitudinous evils of DEI.
I mean, DAMN — it’s all right there in the friggin’ acronym: the disgusting ‘libtards’ actually want Diversity, Equity, and Inclusion! I mean, WTF is wrong with them?!
It’s all a bunch of socialist crap, designed to strip power from Whites, and give it to all the damn dark-skinned invaders instead!
Let’s forge ahead, patriots, and break DEI down into its three super-messed-up, disgustingly anti-American parts:
‘D’ is for Diversity — which is just liberal code for “let’s get more Democreep-voting immigrants and dark-skinned people into the country, so we can steal it away from the God-fearing White folks!” All the ‘libtard’ nonsense about the benefits of a multi-cultural society is exactly that: total nonsense. Any White person who favors diversity is a traitor to his race!
Every sane American knows that racial and ethnic diversity sucks, and this idiotic idea of ‘multi-culturalism’ sucks even worse! White, Black, brown, yellow, and red folks should all stay in their corners — and leave each other in peace (and forget intermarriage!).
And BTW — the Whites’ corner is bigger, better, and richer … and we fully intend to keep it that way!
‘E’ is for Equality — which is one of the most ridiculous and UNfair ideas ever! White folks made this country great, and rich White men create all the jobs — so the Whites deserve to be on top, and the other races deserve second-class status, second-class perks, and a few crumbs.
Why should all the lazy, undeserving dark-skinned folks get just as much as their White overlords? It just ain’t right! It’s not the ‘natural order’ of things — so right-wing patriots need to oppose equality with all their might.
Our motto should be: “An equal America is a screwed-up America!” Three cheers for rampant inequality!
‘I’ is for Inclusion — which is just another terrible, anti-American ‘libtard’ idea. Hell, the world is full of ugly, poor, resentful people who all want what we — the Whites — already have. But why should we share our hard-earned spoils? Who says we have to include all these bothersome ‘others’ in our freedom and prosperity? Fuck ‘em!
The only people we need to worry about including and supporting are our White families and their wonderful White children … and all the others can suffer and scrape along, begging for scraps. That’s the American/capitalist way — and a great and wonderful way it is!
We’ve had enough of this socialist ‘inclusion’ nonsense! Enough already! We’re all for exclusion and White superiority — and the more dark-skinned people we can limit, oppress, and exclude, the better!
Enough of this ridiculous Diversity, Equity, and Inclusion crap! We demand better — so we want and demand UGH!
It’s time for all patriotic Americans to rise up, and with one voice demand UN-diversity and God-awful Hatefulness!
Frozen embryos are children — and masturbators are murderers
One last (non-DEI) absurdity to skewer: Recently the Alabama Supreme Court decided that frozen embryos are actual children — so IVF clinics that lose an embryo or dispose of unneeded embryos are … you guessed it … guilty of murder.
Suddenly, IVF clinics, doctors, and hospitals were in a panic, and some temporarily shut their doors. Now the Alabama legislature is trying to sort out the medical/legal mess, and allow IVF clinics to keep providing services.
But here’s my take: Nobody’s gone far enough yet. If a fertilized egg/embryo is a person, why stop there? Why not keep extending this ‘logic’ — say, concerning the billions of sperm that are wasted and KILLED when guys masturbate?
Think about it: Every day, billions of sperm are murdered — and for what? A moment’s pleasure! Since sperm are absolutely necessary for reproduction, killing them means you’re killing a potential human being.
All this spilling and killing of sperm must STOP! Masturbators are murderers!
Of course, we also need to ban ALL contraception pronto, because anything that interferes with procreation is ‘anti-life’ — and displeasing to God the Father. American women and men all need to forget about having any personal control, choice, or freedom — since creating new humans ASAP is the only thing that really matters.
The bottom line is: We should ban all male masturbation and all contraception outright — RIGHT NOW! The penalty for non-compliance should be life in prison — at a minimum!
You hear that, you murdering, masturbating scum?!
DEI totally sucks. UGH to the rescue!
What a hot friggin’ mess — ALL of it.
But UGH is here, riding to the rescue!
It’s really true: There’s no comparison, none at all, between that God-forsaken, liberal/socialist DEI bullshit and the valiant right-wing alternative, UGH.
There’s no comparison because those awful DEI laws and initiatives make sense, are compassionate, and further America’s (supposed) goal of ‘equality and justice for all.’ They’re just incredibly unfair and horrible.
Making sense and having compassion are now verboten.
But wait! Isn’t creating more UN-diversity and God-awful Hatefulness a truly horrific and un-American ‘ideal’? Isn’t it an idiotic and terrifying concept?
But wait — again! The right wing doesn’t care about any of that — at all — and they love to hate. And the far right certainly isn’t aligned with any of that reasonable, caring, ‘libtard’ BS.
See, they don’t really care about our freedom — not one bit. They’re angry; they’re furious about ‘wokeness’; they’re enraged about DEI and ‘losing their power’ — and they’re up to their necks in bullshit, and are ‘stuck’ there for the long haul!
So let’s all get right in there with them — and all be stuck in deep, deep doo-doo together!
Down with DEI! All hail UGH!
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This post was previously published on MEDIUM.COM.
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You may also like these posts on The Good Men Project:
Escape the Act Like a Man Box | What We Talk About When We Talk About Men | Why I Don’t Want to Talk About Race | The First Myth of the Patriarchy: The Acorn on the Pillow |
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It’s always easier to knock down the ‘straw man’ version of a genuinely bad argument, even than it is to knock down the genuinely bad argument itself. But knocking over straw people just makes one’s own position look anemic, no matter how legitimate it may be. Consider this: Nothing is actually ‘woke’ until it is done only for the sake of being woke.