Question: When two people have two completely different styles of communicating, how do they find a common ground/language to talk to each other? I feel like the list of triggers words between myself and my husband can stretch from end to end on a football field. Once everything dies down, we understand the miscommunication. I want to skip the frustration and just be able to talk to each other.
Answer: Well my friend, with a list of triggers as long as the football field it sounds like this difference in communicating styles has been going on for a while, yes? How frustrating and exhausting, yes? The cycle of miscommunication and then understanding destroys any growth and respect or intimacy or connectedness… It’s like a ceiling you can’t get past that keeps lowering down upon you.
I’m thrilled you’ve reached out as indeed there are many things we can do to find a common ground and language to speak to one another. In fact it’s why I’ve created Soul Shaking Conscious Relationship Week where I’m giving my community a complementary Workshop on how to navigate intense emotions, stay connected and have conscious intimate relationship success! Granted we are raised with different styles and growing up, we develop certain survival mechanisms to feel safe. It could be that each of your survival mechanisms are triggering the other and that you are the most perfect combination to heal one another and grow closer than ever 🙂
It could also be that something has occurred and is now an elephant in the living room as they say… Which means as you each communicate to one another there’s actually a subtitle or another communication energetically or in parentheses that triggers the other person… Just like when somebody says I love you they either mean it or you can hear the question in the tone of their statement… and do you love me tooooooooo? Make sense?
So the most effective efficient way to get the best results fast is always to go to the core. Let’s see if there is an elephant in the living room, let’s see if each of your communication styles are based in fear or loving truth, let’s see if there is the desire to do the work so that you can be the gift of kindness to each other, and let’s create some hot healthy intimacy and flowing ease as we dissolve that list as long as the football field into nothing! Let’s give you the skills to communicate through difficult moments and navigate intense emotions while staying honoring connected and respectful of one another… Let’s really help your marriage thrive 🙂 go to AllanaPratt.com/connect to apply for a complementary strategy session.
Whether your husband joins us or not honestly doesn’t matter… Just like a scale… if one side of the scale altars, the other side is inherently instantly affected… If there’s no one to fight with… there is no fight. If you put down your side of the tug-of-war… There’s nowhere to go and the sabotaging pattern ends 🙂 However I hope that he’s willing to play as it could be the most intimacy, understanding and connection the two of you have experienced in a very long while as is the case with all of my couples clients.
He may enjoy getting to know me by enjoying my complementary How To Be A Noble Badass Training at www.GetHerToSayYes.com. And you will be supported in communicating more vulnerably to invite his nobility in my complementary training for women, Vulnerability is the New Sexy at www.AllanaPratt.com 🙂 Great love XO XO