Keep Moving Forward

On my Friday off, I took my walk at my favorite park in Torrance during lunchtime. It was a beautiful sunny day. As I walked uphill to cross the wooden bridge, a lovely older African American couple walked downhill. I say older with mad love and respect. I’m 60 years old. The couple was maybe 15 years older than me.

The man smiled and said, “You can come over first. She (his wife) walks in slow-motion.” I looked at him and laughed out loud. I said, “But she keeps moving!” His wife laughed. She said, “Yes, I do.” I loved them.

Through my own trials and tribulations, I keep moving forward. In Aikido, the late Mizukami Sensei said, “Wait it out. Enter the attack. Take a glancing blow if you have to. You’re not going to get away scot-free. It’s one time.” I train to be the greater version of me, be the greater man. O-Sensei Morihei Ueshiba said, “True victory is victory over oneself.” I work on myself, not on others. Just train.

In Aikido, I enter the attack and die with honor. I move forward into the attack. I match the attack in my attack. In the center of the attack, in what I fear, I choose who I am and what I do. I let go of my fear inside that I’m not good enough. Although that fear inside may never completely disappear, every time I enter what I fear, I let go more of my fear. I free me.

I take my hits in life. I take life’s glancing blows for what is meaningful to me. I keep moving forward. I move into what I fear, move into the danger. I choose who I am and what I do. I reinvent myself, the best version of me.

In Rocky Balboa (2006), Sylvester Stallone’s Rocky Balboa tells his estranged son Robert, played by Milo Ventimiglia, to keep moving forward:

Let me tell you something you already know. The world ain’t all sunshine and rainbows. It’s a very mean and nasty place and I don’t care how tough you are it will beat you to your knees and keep you there permanently if you let it. You, me, or nobody is gonna hit as hard as life. But it ain’t about how hard you hit. It’s about how hard you can get hit and keep moving forward. How much you can take and keep moving forward. That’s how winning is done! Now if you know what you’re worth then go out and get what you’re worth. But ya gotta be willing to take the hits, and not point fingers saying you ain’t where you wanna be because of him, or her, or anybody! Cowards do that and that ain’t you! You’re better than that!

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At work, I transitioned from requirements development to enterprise integration (system engineering management). Although I loved working on system requirements, I got that I wasn’t very useful to my Project Manager, John. My Functional Manager, Jeff, recommended that I move over to enterprise integration, where they needed and wanted me. That made a whole lot of sense. A no-brainer. I kept moving forward. I enjoy what I do now. I contribute in meaningful and satisfying ways.

On the journey to fall madly and deeply in love, I’m clearly not what women want. I’m 5’3″. I’m not handsome. I’m not exactly rich. Although I’m Godan (5^th degree black belt) in Aikido, which is useful when some 250-pound dude attacks, it’s not all that useful in dating women. At least, I think so. My overall dating resume is distinctly lacking.

Ishibashi Sensei, pointing to his heart, reminds, “It’s what’s here.” The most powerful person I can be is myself. I open up to the possibility of falling in love. I keep my heart open. Keep moving forward.

Maybe there’s a woman who appreciates the purpose of my Aikido training and my teaching in guiding others to invent the greater-than versions of themselves. Maybe she gets meaning from my writing about loving and forgiving thine own self. Maybe she too wants to make a difference for others and leave the world a better place than when we came into it. Maybe she’s out there. Who knows? Lightning could strike.

I keep my heart open. Keep moving forward.