Kindness Can Seem So Simple Yet It Is Such a Powerful Attribute

We are all capable of kindness. Yes, there are people on the softer side and people that believe more in a tougher approach. But without kindness, we would all have killed each other a long time ago, more than we already have that is.

Kindness is the factor that creates openness to us being ourselves. Feeling safe and seen also prompts us to communicate more effectively.

Kindness is a state where the ego is integrated and feels safe. In this state, we listen to each other. We want to create a resolution as opposed to the ego being in a full-blown battle over who is right.

We all know how it feels when someone is kind to us. Like everything that once was cold and hard melts away, and like we are not alone in our struggle. Imagine having this in your closest relationships.

We all deserve relationships where we get treated with dignity and respect. But we also know that reality can be very different.

Think about that one friend you feel you can tell anything to, the one that never judges but tries to understand. This is the type of person you go to for emotional support.

So how does kindness play into romantic relationships?

How can it not? I spent way too much time accepting downright selfish behaviour. In doing so, I suppressed my kindness. Today I value consideration for people more than ever.

Growing up I was shamed for my sensitive heart. Today I want it to be at the forefront of every one of my relationships.

I used to carry an adopted belief that kindness was my weakness, that it will be the end of me. Today, after a lot of years of personal growth and awareness I know it is one of my biggest strengths. And the people that think it is a weakness. I feel for them. Many times they have not felt someone truly caring about them. They suppressed their own kindness. And without it, when the infatuation wears of.. we are left with a battlefield. One where everyone loses.

Symbiotic relationships are what the world needs. We need to be able to consider each other and be able to rely on each other. If something feels one-sided, it’s toxic. No exceptions to this rule.

The issue in our closest relationships is our subconscious dynamics playing out. We are drawn to people and environments that mirror what is going on inside of us. And if we grew up with harsh people, meeting someone kind can feel very uncomfortable.

Many of us feel guilty because we are taught love is not something you just receive, it is earned. So instead of enjoying someone seeing us and considering us, we end up feeling like we owe them something.

Interpersonal relationships are important but I want to address the most important one of them all. The one with ourselves.

We talk so much about toxicity and how bad it is to be surrounded by them. Yet we gloss over the fact that many times we are the ones being toxic towards ourselves. This is not only going to dim your light, it is a belief that we have to hold ourselves accountable for everything. Even when it is not our responsibility. This can make us stuck in abusive relationships for years.

Have compassion for the inner critic as well, it doesn’t know any other way. It is part of the adopted narrative from our caregivers and the rest of the world.

But we as adults today know better. So we need to take the kindness in our hearts and lead the way. Not in an aggressive way but, in a soft yet firm manner. The more we can ease into our being, the more willing we will be to attune to our partners.

We all want to be understood so it’s important to develop the capacity to understand as well.

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Previously Published on medium

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