Apologizing isn’t always about admitting one’s guilt.
I don’t think there’s been a relationship in the history of relationships that didn’t survive entirely on apologies. We all do dumb things from time to time and find ourselves having to explain our actions and thinking.
You’re only human and humans are flawed creatures. Mistakes will happen no matter how hard you try to make it otherwise.
It may not have been your fault — it may not have been anyone’s fault. The truth is: It doesn’t matter.
Pointing fingers never helped keep a relationship together — ever. Apologizing isn’t always about admitting one’s guilt. Sometimes — in relationships especially — it’s showing how much you care about the other.
1. Starting fights and arguments.
There is never a good reason for a fight or argument. I understand that all relationships have them, but I am fairly certain that you can have a more than healthy relationship without having to succumb to them.
Anything that can be said screaming can be said with your indoor voices. I understand that partners make us emotional, but how you respond to your emotions is your decision.
Instead of blowing things out of proportion, talk to your partner. I understand that this can be difficult when your partner is unwilling to talk, but what can I say… relationships only work when both parties are mature.
2. Slacking and not doing your share of the errands or chores.
We all have things to do. Most of us are very busy. But what it usually comes down to is pure and simple laziness.
Whatever it is that you promised your partner to do surely doesn’t involve something that you’re not physically capable of doing. You may be tired from working all day, but guess what — so is your partner.
If things need to get done, then they need to get done. If you’re giving your lover no choice but to pick up your slack for you, then you ought to apologize. In this case, such laziness is just rude.
3. Not trying hard enough to make the small changes your partner would appreciate you making.
No one is ever happy with any other person 100 percent of the time. We all have our less-than-ideal habits or tendencies that can easily get on other people’s nerves.
The thing is, your lover isn’t just “other people”; he or she is a huge part of your life.
If you plan on making it work in the long run, then you’re going to have to make compromises so you don’t drive the other insane.
To be completely honest, no one should be asking you to do things that you don’t want to do.
If you don’t want to make these small changes for the person you apparently love, however, then are you sure you care about him or her much as you believe you do?
4. Not bothering to make special occasions special.
The term “special occasion” is rather misleading. It leads us to believe that special occasions are innately special — that they are special on their own accord.
Unfortunately, it doesn’t work that way. Nothing in this world is special unless we believe it to be special, and in order for us to believe it to be special, we have to work to make it special.
Special occasions are special because they leave a lasting memory in our minds. In order for magical moments to take place, you have to make an effort to make them magical. If you want your dream romance then create it.
5. Not paying enough attention.
Every person wants attention in some shape or form. When it comes to our lovers, we expect to receive that intention from them.
More than that, we expect that attention to be filled with love and care. People only date other people because it makes them feel good — the person they are with makes them happy.
Being loved and loving makes them happy. When you remove the attention — all the actions that remind our partners we love them — there is little left to make them want to stick around.
You presumably love and care about your partner. If the lack of attention you are giving them or lack of time you are devoting to them is hurting their feelings, then the least you could do is say you’re sorry and that you’ll do your best to change.
6. Losing your cool and saying things you instantly regret.
When two people enter a relationship, they don’t stop being themselves. They continue being their own entity, with their own problems, their own worries, their own failures and demons.
Life can be difficult to deal with and, partner or no partner, sometimes we lose our sh*t. It happens to the best of us. We get angry, frustrated or pissed off and say something we never should have said. Apologize.
I know that your ego may be coercing you to do otherwise, but you made a mistake — own up to it and ask your partner for forgiveness. Hopefully, this isn’t a repeat offense and your partner will be more than willing to forgive you.
7. For not being there when your partner needed you.
This one usually hits us the hardest — when we expect the love of our lives, the person who promised us would be there to the ends of the world, to be there for us when we need it most and is nowhere to be found.
Sometimes we forget and lose track of time. Sometimes we couldn’t manage to be there regardless of how much we wish we could have been. The fact is that it doesn’t matter why you weren’t there.
You weren’t there and that’s enough to hurt your partner. Regardless of whether or not it’s being held against you, not having you there when your partner needed you must have been a frightening experience. Tell him or her you’re sorry. Say it will never happen again and then do your best never to break that promise.
8. For not having the guts to apologize in the first place.
Relationships are… complicated. Anything involving two or more people is complicated. Hell, anything involving a single person is complicated. We all make mistakes, yet a lot of the time we find it difficult to admit that we did.
No one likes to appear flawed or weak. No one wants anyone else to realize how fallible we all actually are.
Remember this: It’s the individual that can own up to his or her mistakes that is strong and wise — not the other way around. If you can never own up to your mistakes then you will never learn from them.
In the context of relationships, if you don’t own up to your mistakes and apologize for them, then you may end up finding yourself alone for a very long time. If you can’t apologize to your partner then you can’t love them either.
by Paul Hudson
This post originally appeared at Elite Daily. Reprinted with permission.
A young writer, philosopher, and entrepreneur, Paul Hudson (@MrPaulHudson) has been writing for Elite Daily nearly since the start. He primarily addresses the successes and downfalls of love and life.
Photo: J.K. Califf/Flickr