In society, women are judged based on their physical attractiveness.
In most corners of the world, this is the reality. Attractiveness in the dating sphere tends to center around a woman’s looks, her age (or perceived fertility), and her previous sexual experience.
A woman who is young, beautiful, has no children, and is sexually inexperienced tends to be seen as more “attractive” than a woman who is older, overweight, has children from previous relationships, and has had many sexual partners.
Not that a woman in the first camp is guaranteed love and attention, nor is the latter banned from it entirely.
This is just the state of things in the modern dating world.
Men — on the other hand — are judged based on their financial assets and ability to provide.
A man doesn’t have to be young or conventionally attractive — if he’s got money. The adage goes:
“Any man can be six feet tall if he stands on his wallet.”
Now, is this true for most men?
Of course not.
But for the ones who were born into wealth (or otherwise acquired it), it’s quite possible that finding a female partner will not be as difficult. This is why men with perceived higher-paying jobs are typically seen as “more attractive” than men who work perceived lower-paying jobs.
Of course, the world needs store managers, security guards, electricians, and bus drivers. But when women hear these types of occupations, they run. A lot of the time, even white-collar industries — like education, philanthropy, or social work — are viewed negatively by women.
To make things worse, women will jump through all kinds of hoops to not sound like an a-hole on this matter.
“I just want a man who’s ambitious.”
“I want a man who can provide for a family.”
“I want a man who can take care of me.”
This is all good and well, except it tends to result in the “I want a top one-percenter” mentality. The majority of jobs these days simply do not pay enough to have the financial burden fall entirely on one salary.
The few jobs that do — like medicine, finance, or software engineering — are often extremely demanding, so men in these industries don’t have tons of time to spend wine-ing and dining their dates, anyway.
Career-oriented women have it the worst.
If a woman has a successful, high-paying career, she may want a man who has the same. She might argue, “I just want someone on my level, someone who can meet me where I am.”
This is good and well, except all of the men at this level have options.
He can choose between a soft, feminine woman who admires him and treats him with respect — or an ambitious, independent woman who makes it known that she doesn’t need him.
Which of the two do you think men go for?
For highly educated, high-earning women, the pool of men is extremely small. A man can date below his earning potential or “social status.”
A woman seldom will.
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What are women to do?
I would never advise anyone to date a deadbeat.
But, I don’t think it’s fair to expect all men to meet certain criteria in order to even be considered a potential partner.
Be realistic with your standards — expecting a man to be the sole breadwinner just isn’t realistic anymore.
Be independent — but don’t make a man feel like you don’t need him.
Have standards — but don’t let them price you off the dating market.
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This post was previously published on medium.com.
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From The Good Men Project on Medium
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