Table of contents
1. The criteria of victim selection
1.1 Low confidence
1.2 Less consequence
2. The process of victim selection
2.1 Submissive
2.2 Less Privilege
3. The life history of a potential victim
4. How I protect myself from revictimization
4.1 Appearance
4.2 Financial Privilege
4.3 Confidence
The abuser does not abuse all hundred people they know. They choose one out of those hundred as the victim.
A bunch of people do not abuse or commit crimes because they simply did not get an opportunity to commit a crime. That’s why it’s important to notice how a person behaves with another person who is less privileged and more vulnerable than them. The abuser is generally a person with more power and the victim is someone who is vulnerable.
There are two criteria a victim should fulfill:
They should be submissive or low in confidence:
A person who is submissive or low in confidence opposes less conflict. They would likely agree to whatever the other person says until it’s too late to agree any further. I met a girl 2 years ago who had experienced sexual assault by her landlord. Her personality was submissive because she had experienced previous forms of assault too. The landlord was chatting and buttering and playfully touching her until he could get her in a suspicious position. Once the victim gets into a suspicious position, it is difficult to get out regardless of the fact of how much she revolts.
A submissive person will not object to the nice buttering phase in the beginning. They have not seen much empathy before in life and their need to gain empathy from someone else is so high that they would confuse the buttering with empathy.
There will not be many consequences if they choose to abuse them.
One of the great consequences of why people chose not to assault is the risk of losing one’s social status or one’s image or reputation. An abuser doesn’t want to go to get convicted in a court of law because it would ruin their reputation. They would do anything to avoid the conviction even if the conviction does not result in imprisonment or a fine. Human beings are social animals to the core, we live our lives to fit into the social norm and gain a reputation. Everyone and each one of us. Everyone just has a different degree of need to fit into the social norm.
If someone belongs from an influential family, they will not be a good fit as a victim. If the abuser decides to abuse them, they have a higher consequence of losing their reputation. This is why the chances of being raped for a lower-caste woman like a Dalit is way higher than a higher-caste woman. A simple reason, raping a Dalit woman will result in fewer risks of consequences.
The victim selection process
About 80% of communication takes place non-verbally. Language does not exist naturally. A language is a man-made tool that was developed to make communication easy. People with higher scores on narcissism and psychopathy are more accurate in reading body language. Body language is directly co-related with the process of victim selection.
https://www.girlswhofight.co/post/presenting-a-powerful-self this is an excellent article I found that explains vulnerable body language.
Submissive body language: It indicates “Low confidence” or “vulnerability”. A person with low confidence lacks the skill to fight back. The ability to fight back or stand up for oneself depends on whether the person has been given the opportunity before to stand up for themselves. It includes having closed body language like walking slowly, not making eye contact, being reserved, being unaware of their surroundings, etc.
The only cases that end up in a court of law are when the victim selection process is poorly done by the abuser.
Belonging from a place of less privilege: This can be belonging to a place of less financial privilege or belonging to a place where no one would recognize a person’s rights. It mostly addresses the appearance and the way one is carrying oneself.
A huge deal of times, the victim has been victimized before. They were either bullied, assaulted, or born into abusive families. If not victimized before, they have a personality of low confidence.
A large number of studies and my personal experience show that: Being a victim of sexual or physical assault puts you at a much higher risk of experiencing the crime again in the future.
How I protect myself from revictimization
My appearance
When I got out of my abusive home, fashion was the very first thing I changed in myself. The way a person dress tells a lot about where they come from. A person who is dressed confidently gives a subconscious signal that they have been given the freedom to choose their clothing by the society they belong to. An abusive society is also a controlling society. If there is a husband abusing his wife or there is a mother abusing her child, there is a huge possibility that their dressing choices have been controlled too. If the abuser is controlling their safety, they would also control their clothing. I wasn’t allowed to wear anything below my knees. My back, shoulders, and thighs were supposed to be covered. The first time I wore shorts was in 12th grade on a school trip and the second time was when I came to Canada.
I have a good sense of fashion which confuses people to believe that I come from a society that lets me take my decisions. If someone comes from a free society, the consequences to abuse them would be much higher as the society would acknowledge their rights. If someone is coming from a controlled society, the consequence to abuse them would be much lesser as the society does acknowledge their rights.
My illusion of financial privilege
I completed my undergrad degree in Canada and yes, my biological father is a financially privileged man. He paid for my degree so he could enjoy a social status of sending his daughter to Canada back in India. He didn’t care what I wanted. He doesn’t know what exactly my degree is. He didn’t care about my safety. Even though being a financially powerful man, he chose not to support me when I had to file a police complaint about domestic violence. This illusion gave a subconscious message to people that I come from a financially privileged area and that if they abused me, they would face consequences. Having more financial freedom means that the person has more capability to fight for his rights.
Developing confidence
I liked fashion and tattoos and colored hair and all those creative stuff. It gave me confidence and I needed confidence desperately. If I did not have confidence in saying that I have a different hair color, I will never have the confidence in saying that I had a different childhood. Another thing that gave me confidence were my travels. Traveling alone gave me a confidence that I can handle things alone. Both of the skills that I desperately needed.
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This post was previously published on MEDIUM.COM.
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