Do you ever find yourself inexplicably sexually attracted to other people even though you are in a happy, committed relationship?
If you answer yes, you are not alone.
This phenomenon is relatively common, and contrary to popular belief, it’s not just men who are the offending party.
I love my husband, but I enjoy fantasizing about other people.
We’ve had our ups and downs, but our marriage has been fantastic as of late. In the bedroom too! My sex drive is pretty high, probably a bit higher than his. We are in our 30s.
That said…I downright enjoy fantasizing about other men too. Friends or famous, it doesn’t matter as long as I find them attractive (which for me is a combo between physical and personality). I used to feel guilty and not indulge in these thoughts but stopped because, well, I don’t see the use in fighting my imagination.
I wish I could ask if we could get into swinging, but every time I mention it in passing or make a comment about the subject (always unrelated to our relationship!) he doesn’t seem to have a positive opinion.
And I don’t want to lose or hurt my husband. So he will never know and I stick with my imagination I guess.
Just needed a vent.
The above is one of many posts I find regularly on Reddit. It almost feels like people are creating these conversation threads about how they fantasize and even wish they could sleep with people other than their spouse on a weekly if not daily basis. And, more often than not, their spouses are oblivious or willfully ignorant of the situation.
It goes to show that just because someone is married doesn’t mean they are sexually committed, in mind and soul.
The problem seems to be that too many people lie to themselves and their partners and enter into obligated monogamous relationships.
And I say obligated because while these individuals most likely are entering monogamous relationships voluntarily, they are still doing it because they feel it’s needed to keep their partner happy, maintain the relationship or meet societal expectations. But deep down, that’s not who they are. They might be loosely monogamous, but definitely not strictly monogamous.
Ideally, it would be better for them to be honest from the get-go, instead of spending years slowly dying inside from a lack of authentic sexual expression.
The bitter truth is that almost everyone will find different people sexually attractive, and being in a relationship won’t stop those feelings. Most of us will be able to control the urges to act on those feelings, but some will struggle. It doesn’t mean they are broken they are just different.
The sooner we accept this fact, the sooner we can stop vilifying non-monogamous relationships and just maybe, make it easier for those who prefer those types of arrangements to be honest and upfront about it sooner rather than later.
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This post was previously published on medium.com.
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From The Good Men Project on Medium
What Does Being in Love and Loving Someone Really Mean? | My 9-Year-Old Accidentally Explained Why His Mom Divorced Me | The One Thing Men Want More Than Sex | The Internal Struggle Men Battle in Silence |
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Photo credit: Deon Black on Unsplash