Here’s how to avoid them.
“I don’t understand, it seemed to be going so well… We even went to Vegas together, and had a great time. But then she said via text that she needs to take the time for herself. WTF?”
My client was expressing his frustration.
Have you ever been taken by surprise like that? You are not alone. Some men lose their family before realizing their relationship was in jeopardy.
To save you potential frustration, it’s important for you to know the 3 massive mistakes most men make that turn women off and how to avoid them. To help you remember these nuggets better, I’ve created graphic characters for each mistake. This way, once you catch yourself becoming one of them, you can stop this behavior in its tracks.
Mistake # 1 The Average Guy
This is astounding to me that many guys not only identify with being “average,” but are ok with it.
The fear of rejection and loneliness drives the desire to fit in.
“Average” means that natural uniqueness and personality have been suppressed in attempt to blend in with others. The fear of rejection and loneliness drives the desire to fit in.
Saying “I’m average” is admitting that there’s nothing special about you. Sorry, I don’t buy it!
Years of practice being average make a man invisible. This translates into being boring, dull, unattractive, and… pathetic.
Hiding who you truly are behind the “normal” is depriving others of the real, awesome you.
This is a HUGE turn off for women…
Guess what? This is a HUGE turn off for women, and it should be!
A woman’s mission is to inspire greatness in a man. It’s disgracing for a woman to settle for a mediocre man. That’s why beautiful women, who have self-respect, will never go for an Average Joe.
What makes you unlike any one else? Embrace it, highlight it…
Refuse to be average! There ARE many traits in you that are far from average. It can be your quirky sense of humor, your extreme geekiness, or creativity. Every person is unique. What makes you weird or abnormal? What makes you unlike any one else? Embrace it, highlight it, and leverage your distinctive qualities.
Popular men are not always the most tall and handsome alpha types, or the smartest, the funniest, or the richest. But attractive men stand out from the crowd, always!
Mistake # 2 Mr. Right
Mr. Right is always… right. Nothing is his fault, and his opinion always wins… because no one else has the stamina to argue with him. He’s an ultimate blame-shifter who points a finger at everyone and everything, but himself.
He’ll preach taking responsibility, while assuming none. He’ll reproach others for being selfish, because, in his opinion, they need to cater to him…
Sounds pretty horrible, right?
…notice if your need to be right ever overrides your desire for happiness or your care for others
But I urge you to make an honest assessment and notice if your need to be right ever overrides your desire for happiness or your care for others. How much are you accountable for the results in your life, including your relationships? And if your honest answer is less than 100%, then there is room for improvement.
Mr. Right is a bully…
Mr. Right is a bully, who’ll emotionally abuse the heck out of everyone in his vicinity. This is a very dangerous and destructive trait. The worst part is that since Mr. Right is the last one to look in the mirror, he remains ignorant to his problem for the longest time.
If you desire love and deep connection, guard your character vigilantly and eradicate even the slightest symptoms of Mr. Right.
Mistake # 3 Validation Junkie
Do you remember, when you were a boy, you had to ask your mom’s permission to do things? If you were fortunate to have a caring mother, you were trained to get her approval from day one of your life. She decided what you’ll eat, what you’ll wear, and what’s right or wrong for you for many years.
Such a grown up male transfers his mother’s role onto his woman and seeks validation from her.
Many men entered adulthood, but kept the habit of dependency on their mother’s stamp of approval. Such a grown up male transfers his mother’s role onto his woman and seeks validation from her. “What do you want to do tonight?” “Can I kiss you?” “What do you think I should wear?” “What should I say to my boss?” etc.
While it’s important to take into consideration your woman’s desires and preferences, depending on her opinion or approval is dangerous. A woman senses when a man clings to her for certainty. This kills her respect and destroys sexual attraction.
Being decisive and respectful at the same time can be confusing, especially during sexual escalation…
Being decisive and respectful at the same time can be confusing, especially during sexual escalation, as concerns like “is she ready to be kissed?” or “what if she thinks I’m sleazy?” come up. The best way to navigate these situations is by being attuned to your woman, paying attention to her reactions (body language, facial expressions, tone of voice), and responding accordingly. Before you ask for permission verbally, make a statement with your words or body language and allow for her response before you move forward. Creating space for clarity is sexy, asking for permission is not.
A woman trusts a leader who’s clear on his intentions and stays in integrity with his values.
Freedom is sexy. A man who is free from the need for approval and fear of rejection, and who claims his power over any circumstance is ultimately attractive. Kindness and care paired with freedom is irresistible!
Own your power, claim your woman, and live your life to the fullest!
Photo by Flickr/Nate Edwards
There is truth to #2 and #3. However number one is terrible advice. This society has become very narcissistic…People feeling the need to be “special” in some way and forever convincing themselves of it. This tendency to grandiosity is a huge character flaw. It is a sickness in our culture…that being an ordinary person is not enough. Honestly being a kind, caring, honorable person is more than enough. Those who cling to the idea that they have a “special” sense of humor…special talents…etc…must hold to that inflated sense of self…and are only “ok” when with someone who strokes these feelings..reaffirms… Read more »
I think this article makes a lot of sense. Particularly this quote drives it home: “Freedom is sexy. A man who is free from the need for approval and fear of rejection, and who claims his power over any circumstance is ultimately attractive. Kindness and care paired with freedom is irresistible!”
You can be assertive and confident and, at the same time, attentive and sensitive to your woman. This is where kindness and care combined with self-confidence can do wonders…
Mistake # 3 Validation Junkie… It seems like you’ve put the words straight out of my mind and into your article ! My current bf is one such example and while it was cute during the initial stages, it has certainly become a sore point for me now. I feel when a guy senses a strong, independent woman and is with her, he does shift responsibility of that of his mother to his woman. But that only infuriates her more! A strong independent woman who knows her worth would like to be with a man who is perhaps more stronger… Read more »
“A woman trusts a leader who’s clear on his intentions and stays in integrity with his values.” Because every girl grows up dreaming to find a ‘leader’ who will ‘lead her’ and tell her what to do and what not.
“Own your power, claim your woman, and live your life to the fullest!” Yes, thats right. Your woman is your property, you need to assert your rights over your property.
Now I am beginning to think that a substantial portion of sexism is perpetrated by women themselves…..
I think the point you were trying to get across with ‘mistake #1’ was particularly ill-served by your choice of the word “average” there. Not to burst anyone’s bubble or get too deep into semantics, but -by definition- most people *are* ‘average’ – wonderfully, ingloriously, typically average. In fact, that’s precisely why we have the term. I think you’ve misrepresented the word “average” (with all its median, mundane-sounding averageness) as something that can be used interchangeably with ‘blandness’ or ‘apathetic’ or ‘disengaged’. But that a person is, by and large, *average* (or describes themselves thusly) certainly doesn’t mean that they have… Read more »
It’s like when the doctor examines you and records his findings as “unremarkable” – yea see generally that’s a good thing even though it sounds insulting. 🙂
“asking for permission is not [sexy]”
*silently points to EVERY SINGLE ARTICLE ON THIS DAMN SITE ABOUT CONSENT*
You guys… I dunno… maybe wanna go into a quick huddle and figure this one out, and then get back to me or….?
I think you might be reading the article differently then me. I read it as “a woman doesn’t want to feel like she’s your mother and has to take care of you.” You shouldn’t need to ask permission to call a friend. You also shouldn’t need someone to pick out your clothes or plan your career. Need a significant other to coach you and lead you through life is exhausting. That isn’t a partnership. It’s a subtle way of tying to make the relationship all about you, while under the guise of trust and appreciation. Telling men not to constantly… Read more »
I’d be willing to buy that except for the fact the sentence I quoted came from a paragraph that talked about escalating a sexual situation.
Dear 8Ball, My sincere apologies if the wording came across not in a way it was intended. As a woman, I’d never encourage a man to act without a woman’s consent. And this is a territory where many men get lost, because there are mixed messages: “wait for green lights, make sure you have consent” and “asking for permission is not sexy.” A man’s purpose is the answer to this conundrum. When a man is driven by love and devotion, he’s able to attune to his woman and can guide both of them through the fears and defenses that come… Read more »
“A man’s purpose is the answer to this conundrum. When a man is driven by love and devotion, he’s able to attune to his woman and can guide both of them through the fears and defenses that come up into unity and deeper intimacy… It’s a matter of integrity for men… Every person a man or a woman senses when their actions or words are aligned with their soul or not. Misalignment feels like resistance or unpleasantness.” 8Ball was right- I think you really need to examine and appreciate the orthodoxies of consent, affirmative consent and rape culture, in regards to how they normatively… Read more »
Spot on with respect to consent. Both you and 8ball as well.
We’re flooding our young people with many confusing notions of what consent means and what we’re now socially (if not legally) requiring them to obtain before they engage – on pain of prosecution. Freedom and responsibility is all good, but sending mixed messages and expecting (especially) teenage brains to parse out those messages and apply them…we all would need written sex contracts before we have intercourse. There’s some totally un-sexy (and totally unnecessary) for you.
When a man is driven by love and devotion, he’s able to attune to his woman and can guide both of them through the fears and defenses that come up into unity and deeper intimacy. Ah, fallign to the old canard of “If he loved me he would just know what I want!” It’s a blessing that fewer people are faling for this crap now than they used to. You will get there eventually too. Waiting for a knight on a shining horse who with his miraculous sensitivity and superhuman confidence guides you through your fears and defenses to save… Read more »
I’m sorry Dr. Blossoms, but any man who has paid even the tiniest bit of attention to current events can no longer afford to take that chance. Not when sex that is regretted later on can (at least on college campuses) retroactively be considered rape: http://www.thecollegefix.com/post/23709/ (well, if you’re a woman. I doubt they’d take a man claiming this seriously. Or any man claiming to be raped seriously.) So, that’s the world we live in now. And frankly if my choices are on the one hand: “she won’t find this sexy” and on the other: “I go to jail for… Read more »
Completely agree with you 8ball. “Mistake #3” goes completely against all the talk about consent. The most obvious green lights, can be turned around after the fact. Women want consent, but at the same time want the guy who doesn’t ask, Mistake #3 above. Guys can be screwed either way, even with the most genuine intentions.
“When a man is driven by love and devotion, he’s able to attune to his woman and can guide both of them through the fears and defenses that come up into unity and deeper intimacy.” Wow. As a feminist, I have to believe that women are capable of, and responsible for, guiding their own selves through the fears and defenses of intimacy. Some of my experience says that that’s not the case for all people, but I’ll be damned if others’ inability to accept intimacy reflects on my manhood or has anything to do with the ability to project love… Read more »
“Own your power, claim your woman, and live your life to the fullest!”
Take her back to your cave!
If they get a good plate from your car the police will be waiting back at the cave.