Let’s say you met a guy, you’re on your first date and he seems quiet or he lets you do the talking.
You’re there talking away, letting him know about your dog, what you do for work — just talking. And you’re wondering ‘Wow this guy is quiet, he must be shy’.
Nope, not at all.
He’s just observing everything you’re saying.
He’s testing you.
The Nature of Tests
Testing stems from wanting to gauge compatibility.
Men will sit there with their hands folded and test you.
How women manage their jealousy in social situations is an indication to a man of the emotional stability or insecurities a woman may have.
How women speak of their friends and family is an indication to a man of how important she values them.
How women react in situations is an indication to a man of how she would react in situations with him.
How women present themselves is an indication to a man of the kind of woman she is.
During the courting stage, we women think that we are the ones testing the waters with men — but we are the ones under the silent tests.
& why do men do this?
Because they are determining if you are the woman for them.
They are assessing your commitment, loyalty, femininity, and ability to be a good wife/mother.
They are asking themselves, is this the person right for me in the long term?
& sadly, a lot of women fail the tests and could potentially see a good man walk away.
Why are Women Failing These Tests?
Because they don’t know they are under these tests.
If you don’t know you’re under some sort of pressure, you’re going to act how you want and not care.
Women will vocalize their questions and ask things straight up during the dating phase. Whereas men will assess your behaviour, mannerisms, and reactions whilst listening to what you’re saying.
Women want to hear that a man is motivationally driven, that he has aspirations, that he can provide for her, and that he has stability.
And with this knowledge, they are judging him on his ability to be a good husband and father.
But what they forget is that a man is doing the same thing.
Men also want to hear about your aspirations, goals, attributes of being a loving wife, and how you see yourself as a mother.
And with this, men are judging your ability to be a loving wife and mother.
It’s not only a man who has to sell himself — you have to sell yourself too!
Test Each Other
It’s not only a man that should test a woman. Women should test men too.
Play them at their own game.
Sometimes sit back and listen to what they’re saying and judge if it aligns with your wants and needs.
Your natural reaction may not always align with the tester’s expectations, but does that mean failing the test is a bad thing?
If you’re out here being yourself and it doesn’t align with what the other person is, there’s no harm in that.
Dating is a process and in some cases, you should see it as: you didn’t fail the test but saved yourself from being in a possibly unhappy relationship.
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This post was previously published on medium.com.
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From The Good Men Project on Medium
What Does Being in Love and Loving Someone Really Mean? | My 9-Year-Old Accidentally Explained Why His Mom Divorced Me | The One Thing Men Want More Than Sex | The Internal Struggle Men Battle in Silence |
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Photo credit: Shardar Tarikul Islam on Unsplash