Men’s Movement Founder Calls Older Men to Help With Emotional Health
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Young men have been led to believe that there is a superior state of being, called the ”real man” which is in dichotomy with a “weak man” or God forbid: a “woman.” This concept of a “real man” has been developed over many decades. The concept is of course false, it’s unhealthy and in the worst cases it’s even a deadly understanding of what it means to be a masculine human being. This “real man” could best be described by what he is not:
This “real man” is not “feminine” – “feminine” according to this stereotyping consciousness means; caring, supportive, need of support, communicative, relational, socially competent, empathic, emotionally present, responsible for the impact of one’s state of being on others’ and considering the need and wants of others.
This limiting belief of what it means to be a “real man” pushes young men into a search for a brotherhood of neglect. This path of neglect is devastating simply because it leaves the young men without the most important thing for us human beings: the feeling of connection. Many young men cut off their emotional cord and trade this connection for a false sense of belonging to a brotherhood of neglect; it could be the gang, the firm or the unit.As young men do have feelings (as our human emotions in most cases comes with having a body), these young men are pushed into a constant neglect of the body’s emotions and an endless lack of healthy brotherhood.
My own conviction is that this systemic neglect is one of the main reasons for a systemically poor masculine gender health: medical health, emotional health, mental health, as well as the reason for men’s poor social and spiritual health.
The pixel density in your inner emotional screen will determine the pixel density of your emotional screening of every other human being. Simple as that.
Which of your own emotions and experiences you are willing and psychologically able to sit with will determine which of your brothers’ emotions and experiences you have the social competence to sit with.
The care for others demands the care for oneself, as my attention to others feelings demands my ability to pay attention to my own feelings. As a man, my relationship to my brother demands a relationship to my own masculine self.
It is funny how a widespread learned masculine social and emotional incompetence by some are argued to be something intrinsically in the male human being, as if men always has been and always will be emotionally incompetent, socially immature and in constant neglect of our own and our brothers genuine feelings. How could this possibly be true as so many men I met are emotionally highly intelligent and deeply caring and supportive? Of course it isn’t true, it is, as it often is, a matter of social and emotional education and practise, practise and practise. My opinion is that all men do have the capacity to develop these social competencies.
We older men need to pick up our responsibility to teach all young men the lessons about the hidden costs of emotional neglect: bad health, lost money, lost happiness, unhappy relationship and broken families. We need to teach them that the investment in one’s personal emotional and social education and practise will pay off on all levels.
At this point we could bring about the solutions:
- The first stage is an acceptance of one’s human vulnerability and the fact that one needs help and education.
- The second stage is the willingness to attend to the help and education needed: it could be getting a mentor, or young men’s courses, young men’s groups, men’s groups, men’s weekend, men’s programs, online therapy, online men’s courses, therapists, psychologists, medicines, vitamins, healthy food, lifestyle changes and training. There is absolutely no shame in asking for help or opening up to a more healthy understanding as our brother can mirror us a thousand times better than we can see ourselves. Every man is blind to his blind spots.
- The third stage is taking the first worldly actions in one’s healing journey; go on a 12-step meeting, open up to one’s partner, sign up for a course, book an online therapy session or to buy a therapeutic e-mail from a therapist. Today is a particularly good day to start your healing journey and claim your birthright: a place in the circle of conscious brotherhood.Today there is a vast Internet ocean of resources and possibilities accessible for men to start their healing journey. The future looks bright, more and more awareness is being brought to the fact that there is a genuine need for a men’s movement. There is a need for new and healthier masculinity norms. We, as older men, need to connect to the young men of our world and guide each and every one of them on his personal path, which doesn’t have to lead to a brotherhood of neglect but to a brotherhood of consciousness.
There is a need for better choices available to young men in how to bring their gifts to the world as masculine and human beings, part of our global conscious brotherhood.
Photo: David Robert Bliwas/Flickr
Hi Danny. The intention of the article is to question the notion of a “real man” all together. How do we know who is a real man and who isn’t? Perhaps some of these men weren’t working in silence but screaming and yelling on their families, I do not know, I wasn’t there. The article is addressed to the reader personally, to ask question about his own life and the lives of his sons and younger men in his community rather than go to the past. You are most welcome to Mensmovement.com and see what we are about. We are… Read more »
This “real man” is not “feminine” – “feminine” according to this stereotyping consciousness means; caring, supportive, need of support, communicative, relational, socially competent, empathic, emotionally present, responsible for the impact of one’s state of being on others’ and considering the need and wants of others. In the interest if getting everything on the table I have to say something about the part I put in bold. I read this to mean that being a “real man” means not being responsible for the impact of one’s state of being on other and considering the need and wants of others. I don’t… Read more »
I don’t think “state of being” and working a job are the same thing here. Maybe the author means your attitude, behavior, demeanor or the way you carry yourself. But you’re right. Many men did and still do work themselves to an early grave in order to provide for their families and to discount that in any critique of men and masculinity discussion would be ridiculous. I understand where you are coming from. I think some go overboard in their criticism of men and masculinity by sounding as though there was nothing good or salvageable about men from the past… Read more »
Amy its possible he didn’t mean it that way. That’s way I made a point to say that’s how I read it in case that’s now how he meant it. I think some go overboard in their criticism of men and masculinity by sounding as though there was nothing good or salvageable about men from the past because they are so eager to dismantle old, harmful notions of masculinity and create a new template for manhood. I think the problem is they seek to create a new template for manhood that benefits everyone but men themselves. Look at a lot… Read more »