I am in the midst of trying to create positive change in our society, as an artist and a human being. I am challenged by my own existence as a storyteller of history, past, present and the future.
- As an artist, I feel it is my duty to create, be the eyes or the reporter of the society, a living healing force of nature. I am driven to express my creative gifting.
- As a human being, I want to be valued as an artist and I want my society to gain the proper respect of me, as an artist of change.
Our modern society values money over the beauty and expression of change of the human story. The absence of feeling support from my society causes me to feel “less than” within my own society. Even with my gift of healing, I can feel unworthy because I am attempting to create change while living in an unsupported materialistic world.
I react to the truth of my reality by being proactive, working in solution for myself and my modern world. At this moment, I am working with my friend Susan Brown Madorsky and we are working together to create a sacred place, a place of belonging for our artists in Laguna Beach. It is an artists initiative that allows artists the experience of supporting other artists while being in a creative process. Our dream is for our pilot program to be successful in assisting artists that would become a model program for other communities. We want to reunite the historical relationship of churches and artists.
I want to see community churches and America’s commitment to the arts. I want to see the artists set free so they can do their jobs of emotional healing for themselves and others. I believe our artists are an essential part of healing the heart and the mind of America. Creativity is the heart of the human spirit. I feel I am a living spiritual happening every second. I practice my art of living by giving my time in love. I spend my day uplifting myself and my community. I see healing in their eyes and I feel it in my bones, when I am love in action. Money or no money, I end the day feeling healed from giving love unconditionally.
But still at this moment I am standing in the bubble of feeling injustice living in my bones and muscles. I have a feeling of wanting to become invisible so I don’t have to acknowledge the feelings of rage. When I feel this way, I quickly surmised I am in the midst of an emotional outbreak, a spiritual breakdown. I am frozen in fear and I feel as if I cannot breathe. I have become caught up in a wave of being out of control. I have fear I will hit the shoreline to fall on the beach and be an artist in crisis.
“You will find as you look back upon your life that the moments when you have truly lived are the moments when you have done things in the spirit of love.” Henry Drummond
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The designing to this collective is a labor of love. As two seasoned artists, we know the realities of the artist in a lifetime of struggle. An artist lives to see and create beauty and the magic of human story. We both have magical human stories of being caught up in our passion of creating a sanctuary, an alternative venue of support. We want to create a sacred container where the artists can develop and share their gifts to the community to recreate a sense of unity between the artists and their community. We want the artists to experience constructive emotions, use them in a practical sense.
It seems it is so ironic because I am working with Susan in a unified effort to create a place of safety where artists can create in collaboration, a place of belonging. I personally know the importance of collaboration. Collaboration serves as an amplifier of energy exchanged. I never walk away from the experience without gaining. I automatically become larger in my thinking and being. Working in community helps to heal wounds and eliminate the sense of separation.
Yet at this moment, my mind is rebounding to the truth I am in a financial crisis. I am living on a tight retirement budget and I have no wiggle room for not one financial issue to go astray. I have a secret fearing of being homeless. Being talented and homeless could become a creative challenge, I am in disarray as I attempt to be practical. It occurs to me, my life is a reflection of the issues we are attempting to solve. My money flow is not matching my output of time and talents. I have enriched so many people’s lives, but at this moment, it is not paying the rent.
There is a small sense of resentment that I feel for the world being structured the way it is. I feel like it has boxed me into this position. There are unleashed fears of financial insecurity that could possible erode my sense of passion for the project. I cannot afford to walk the pathway of being distracted by fear and lack. I must be an athlete of discipline and have faith in the process. I know everything that happens to you is a living lesson for you to learn the deeper story of life.
So, I must believe this is a growing opportunity and not a punishment. I must believe that change is a possibility and on the horizon ahead. I must remember I am not alone and I am a member of a team, a town, a community. Susan and I, as a team, are trying to change the landscape of possibilities for artists. We are doing this project in the spirit of love and I must take some time to enjoy the sunset, so I may rise in the morning refreshed and ready to roll. I have shared with a trusted friend the nature of my fears to release the power of internal doom within me. I must turn it over, meditate and then take the next indicated step. It is time to create some change.
With every day arriving, I have a chance to be proactive in the change I want to see in the world. I choose a pathway of change, in spite of the challenges set before me, I choose change. Because I believe in the healing possibilities of change, I am the living chance of change. The fabric of my heart tells me, this is the time to create a new sense of human change.
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Photo courtesy of author