WAS I WRONG?
A breakup happened to me. It made me think. These past few weeks. These months. I am empathetic. I give solid effort. My intentions are always well intentioned. Sometimes effort isn’t enough. As my girlfriend previously said, “Sometimes the hurt is the same even if you didn’t mean to.”
I am not perfect.
Part of the path I walk requires a certain level of transparency. I cannot write about relationships if I am guarded. My writing path requires a certain sense of vulnerability. I must expose sensitive parts of myself. I must have thick skin for trolls. I must not react too quick to negativity. I cannot be sensitive to insults.
Patience is a great character trait for sure.
The catch is…I share these things with you all.
My readers.
I do not know most of you. I know some of you. This can be difficult to reconcile.
My path requires sharing certain intimate parts of me. As a result, some people can feel I have nothing special to share with them. No one is wrong for their feelings. My girlfriend said I broke up with her through an article. I was shocked. I didn’t know that’s what I did. She told me to have a good life. I guess writing and sharing too many intimate details can do that. Talk about being between a rock and a hard place.
I had to choose between her feelings or my writing.
I chose writing.
FINDING A PARTNER IS HARD
I actively train to be on my path. A man focused on achieving his purpose is required to have determination. It is difficult for a man to find a partner on this type of path. A partnership requires two people working towards a common goal. In all aspects. Not just some. It is rare for people to meet, and agree they have the same goal. Man or woman is irrelevant. Partnership requires a dynamic which is rare.
A great writer on Medium named, Amy Sterling Casil, described her partnership.
A person commented on one of my comments about partnership.
Of course, they misinterpreted it.
I wrote partnership is elusive.
It is.
Two separate independent humans must meet by chance and magically want the exact same goal. Then they must develop a harmonious bond. This bond must not create too much friction. They must walk in sync. Their walk is unique. Their feet are literally bound together. None can move without the other.
This is hard. This is difficult. For most, this is unwanted (gender is irrelevant).
FINDING COMPANY IS EASY
It is not difficult to find someone to have fun with. Dates are a dime a dozen. Everyone can find someone when they are posing. I would argue most are acting. It’s not too difficult to show the best version of yourself.
You only put your best face on for a few hours.
What face do you make for a whole day?
How is your face for an entire week?
What about a month?
These time periods allow your true self to manifest. In these moments people confront reality. People don’t have to be their complete self on a date. People show their complete self with time.
REJECTION IS OKAY
Here is a breakup lesson worth remembering.
We can be good people. We can be considerate. We can be sexy. We can be ambitious. We can even be rich. We can share all these great attributes.
The lesson?
Just because we’re great people it doesn’t mean we’re great for everyone.
There is a delusion which pervades many. This delusion feeds our egos. It tears our reality apart. This delusion makes us believe we are God’s gift to many. In truth, we are God’s gift to one person. That person is your person. You are not meant to be everyone’s person.
Ego is what makes you think anyone you encounter should be lucky to be with you. When you gain humility, you recognize you’re the one who’s lucky.
When someone rejects you it’s possible there’s nothing wrong with you. In these instances, it means you’re not their puzzle piece. Everyone’s searching for the piece that fits. It’s not an insult to say you don’t fit in their life.
WHAT IT TAKES TO BE WITH ME ISN’T OKAY FOR MOST
We tend to forget an important fact of life. This fact is simple and straight forward. Are you ready for it? It’s a punchline you know but forgot. Here it is.
You can’t marry the entire world. You can only marry one person.
This means nearly the entire world is not meant to be your life partner. Each of us is going to choose one person. Even people who choose to marry more than once. Congratulations. At best you might choose two. Those who are serial husbands or wives might marry five.
Even with serial numbers. It’s a real low body count. Don’t let delusion feed your ego. Sometimes there’s nothing wrong with you. There’s nothing wrong with the person who left either.
You both are still looking for your person. Don’t let ego attack the lesson of rejection.
Breaking up doesn’t mean you did something wrong. Sometimes you’re just not doing what the other views is right. No one is required to agree on everything. In this circumstance each see the world different. The difference of opinion is freedom. Those fortunate enough to live in a free country appreciate this.
That is why Ukraine is fighting so hard. Those people believe they are fighting for freedom. We must learn to appreciate our circumstances. People are literally dying for it. Don’t take it for granted.
There is someone out there who will love what you’re doing and not force you to choose.
There’s nothing wrong with a person saying they can’t stand chocolate. They only want vanilla. If you only want chocolate and can’t stand vanilla, it’s okay. In this case you both see the world different. It’s time to go live in a different world. Wish them the best. That’s what I want for you. I’m hope this article showed you how your next breakup doesn’t have to include a broken heart.
To your knowledge success!
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This post was previously published on medium.com.
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You may also like these posts on The Good Men Project:
White Fragility: Talking to White People About Racism | Escape the “Act Like a Man” Box | The Lack of Gentle Platonic Touch in Men’s Lives is a Killer | What We Talk About When We Talk About Men |
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