My High Bodycount Is Ruining My Relationship!

Will he ever get over my past?

Reprinted from my Twitter DM with permission

Hello, My name is — — — -, and I really admire the content you post.

It’s helped put me in a different pov and has boosted my relationship with my on/off again bf. About once every month, my bf brings up my past body count and uses it against me and judges my character. He asks specific questions about names, if I let them finish inside me, and wants details. If I refuse to answer, he will block me. One of the first things I did to avoid this was lie about details because I did not want to associate the person I’m trying to be with my past self. That didn’t work, and he found out the truth because I cannot tell a lie.

I cannot defend myself even when my body count is 1/3 of his body count; anything I say does not matter. He mentions that there is still DNA inside me from my previous bodies and calls me a whore. Before we had met, I was typically out with my friends drinking and engaging in the typical college hookup culture. The night we met, he wanted to sleep with me, and I refused. Over the past 7 months, I’ve completely changed my identity, cut off all my old friends, rediscovered my feminine self, and abolished all old habits, including drinking. I made it my goal to be the woman my bf wants me to be, and my past continues to prevent us from moving forward.

I don’t know what to say anymore because he will not let me talk. I’ve changed my entire life for him and have submitted myself to him. I changed the way I dress, what I eat, and deleted multiple social media accounts per his request. I am at a dead end. He doesn’t believe me when I tell him that my old friends were only friends and nothing more because of the lies/hiding details of my previous bodies. I try to show him through my actions that I am capable of being trustworthy, and I’ve done everything, like buying books about my ego, building good habits, and how to rebuild myself and my relationship.

Help me, please! What should I do?

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Hi- I’m so sorry this is happening.

On one hand, I’m very impressed that you have changed your behaviors to be more in line with a woman who wants marriage, family, and commitment. On the other, I’m concerned that this man isn’t worthy of the new you. While I don’t begrudge any person from holding any standards or preferences they wish in love, nobody who dares call you a “wh*re” should be considered husband material. It is a disgusting thing to say and completely inappropriate in a loving, committed relationship. In some circumstances, it can be classified as emotional abuse.

A marriage (and every relationship) is built on trust and acceptance. It is clear that this man has neither for you and will most likely be trapped in a prison of his own making forever. What a shame, but that is the reality of the situation. Rather than putting you down, we must always uplift each other and build each other up. We are our partner’s greatest ally and support, not the hammer that beats them down, heaven forbid.

You are not damaged goods, as damaged goods cannot change and improve, which you certainly have done. I encourage you strongly to continue in your marriage-minded ways. This will prepare you for a man who values you for who you are today and is willing to look beyond your past (which most of us have, including me.)

I wish I had the ability to reach through this screen and give you the strength to kick this man to the curb, where he belongs. More importantly, I hope to impart to you how valuable you are as a person and as a woman in particular and give you the confidence in yourself to hold out for a better man.

Gd Bless you, and I wish that you find only a healthy, loving man who will not only accept you but honor you and happily commit to be by your side forever. 🙏💚

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This post was previously published on medium.com.

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