I did everything he wanted me to do.
I changed the way I dressed. I was a Tom-boy. I changed the way I talked. I apparently I was too outspoken. I changed the way I acted. I watered down my personality so it wouldn’t outshine his. I changed for him so that he would be secure but he never changed for me. What a shallow way to think.
You’ve experienced a relationship where you’re putting that person’s needs before yours even if you’re not receiving nothing in return. Because to you, it’s out of love. To the world, you are witless. You do this to make your partner satisfied yet, they’re still not satisfied.
They walk all over you like the doormat that you’ve let yourself become. They’ve placed all of their problems on you because well… you’re too available. You’re too accessible. They know you’ll always be there, even when you shouldn’t be. When you get the courage to want to seek peace and leave, they’ll make you feel guilty. The guilt then eats you alive and you go back because out of the kindness of your heart. They need you more than you need you. You’re stuck. They have control.
The person who loves the least in a relationship has the most control. Love is blind. They see everything for what it truly is. They know that they can use you. You see everything that has potential in it. Remember, potential also means, “not quite there yet.” A relationship between two people who do not meet in the middle will not go anywhere. One person is driving and the other person is still parked. Someone’s ego and pride is too strong. They have flaws and you want them corrected. But with every conversation comes with no result. They feel like they can do no wrong. You can’t change that. The only thing that’s changing is you.
You can do everything someone asks you to do and they will still mistreat you because they know they can. If someone wants to hurt you, then they will. You have no authority over that because that’s just who they are. If you let someone control you long enough, they’ll turn you against yourself. Now you’re the delusional one and the complaining one, according to them. He wanted me to change for him because it would make him feel more dominant. He needed reassurance.
This had nothing to do with me all along. I was who I was. He was still struggling to find who he wanted to be. He was jealous of me. I loved him. Love wouldn’t let me see that.
Previously published on medium
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