“They always say time changes things, but you actually have to change them yourself.”
Andy Warhol
The relationship result that’s eluding you can be found in the work you’re not willing to do.
I read this on a blog a few weeks ago and it really hit home for me.
The challenge with relationships is that you have a built-in scapegoat. It’s the other person’s fault. Your wife. Your child. Your boss. Your neighbor.
In the immortal words of Dr. Phil—what’s the common denominator?
I get it. You have real concerns about your marriage.
Maybe it’s the lack of sex. Or an inability to agree on a budget. Or disagreements about how to raise the children, spend your time, or run the house.
All of these are legitimate concerns that need to be addressed.
So, how are you doing with that?
Are you making progress or just spinning your wheels?
If what you’ve been doing isn’t working, are you willing to try something else?
I believe down to my toes that neither partner can justifiably opt out of a major aspect of the marriage.
But, if you keep focusing on what your wife is doing, you will never get anywhere. It gives her all the power to define your marriage.
And, whether you believe it or not, you are contributing to what your marriage looks like. Maybe not 50/50. Maybe not even 25/75. Maybe you’re only 1% responsible. But your part is the only place you have any control.
The longer you wait to step up, the worse it will get. Until there is nothing left to save.
January is known as divorce month. It’s the time of year many spouses are reevaluating their marriages.
Maybe that’s you. Maybe it’s your wife.
But there is an alternative to things continuing to be unsatisfactory or contacting an attorney. Make a real change.
Knowing how to have the difficult conversations is the first step.
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GOOD GUYS, GREAT HUSBANDS
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Previously Published on The Hero Husband Project republished with permission
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Photo credit: iStock
