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Post-divorce, dating has been filled with what-ifs or could-have-been with lots of heartbreak and recovery to follow each one.
There’s that line that goes like, “in every relationship you’ve ever had, there’s one constant, you. If you’re being unsuccessful in dating or love, isn’t it time you looked at yourself too?” And you throw in all the songs and articles that have that theme: if they were only “better” or “different” or “more like…”
Does that mean life is all a matter of timing and location? When you think about the possible odds of finding someone who likes you as much as you like them, at a time when you’re both available and where your intentions align and you can be committed and ready to enter into a relationship without having to be the “winner”… how often does that happen?
In my own family, I’ve seen my brother find the “one” across a table during a presentation at work. I’ve seen my sister find the “one” in a church. Throw in a hitch of timing and those wouldn’t have happened, but they might have found a different “one” somewhere else in their lives.
I’ve had the interesting experience of finding, losing, finding, losing, changing the relationship with one who I just can’t seem to either make a clean break or keep in a relationship with. Is she my “one”? A matter of timing for sure as we were both between dating anyone seriously and had a conversation. It started as a joke, sharing a psychic’s reading that described her to a T. We laughed and somehow it got to the questions; Should we? Could we? Are we? For a relationship.
Both of us admitted our past failings, the things we learned and the work we had to do with the assistance of time and professional help. Both admitted the desire for something more than what we were finding and that the other held everything we were looking for. Now the tough part, we skip over the awkward getting to know you stage and yet it is new and different and exciting and the promises for a future are there. But not to get ahead of ourselves, life goes on. To rush or not to rush. To be patient and let things evolve and develop in its own time. Not my timeline. Not her timeline. A mutual timeline that we put the effort to build, work on and live through. Lots of triggers from respective pasts. Even finding the time to date and be together with wildly different schedules is a matter of timing. And the will and the intent and the effort to make it all work as we want it to.
Only time will tell.
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