Dear Law Enforcement Officers of America,
I’d like to introduce myself. I am your average 41-year-old woman. I am employed in health care, dedicated to bettering human life much like you. I am a wife; I am a mother of three beautiful boys. My husband and I are raising our family in a small rural town that reminds me of my own idyllic upbringing on so many levels.
I grew up in the northeast, in a state not known for its diversity, surrounded by a tremendous level of white privilege that I still cannot grasp fully to this very day. I was taught as a young child that law enforcement was something to be revered, obeyed and listened to without question. Which I did, blindly. That uniform, and those flashing lights commanded respect. To this day, I believe one officer single-handedly ensured all licensed drivers in my high school knew his name, and it wasn’t from handing out candy at Halloween. Oh, Officer Fish. We will never forget you, will we?
I remember when I got into some trouble in college. I was fearful of doing anything further wrong, as I was a nursing major and I needed to put myself in a position to have a record expunged. I called my arresting officer every Friday night before I went home for the weekend to tell him I was going out of state. After the third week of receiving a phone call from me, he laughed and told me he appreciated the gesture, but that I needed to “relax and stop calling.” I was flummoxed, because in the movies, you notified the police of your whereabouts. (The respect thing, remember?)
Now I struggle. Not because I do not respect you, the uniform or the work you do protecting our communities. I struggle because I married the most amazing human being I know. And he happens to be black. We produced the three most beautiful boys on the planet who are half-black. You won’t see that though.
I teach them that all lives matter. I teach them kindness and respect for all beings on Earth. They attend a school with a resident State Trooper whom they view as their friend and get incredibly excited when they see him. They know the police as people who are good, community-oriented and there to help in times of need. They have not had some of the experiences my husband has over the years.
They missed hearing their father be accused of NOT BEING THEIR ACTUAL FATHER when one wandered from the yard one afternoon, missing for a total of ten minutes and being searched for actively the entire time while a trooper lied and stated he had him for 45 minutes. They weren’t alive when their father was pulled out of a car to be searched solely for racial profiling. They weren’t yet alive when their father had to prove to an officer with a grudge that he did not pull him over days previously.
It took me a long time to understand the idea of the Black Lives Matter movement, as I teach my kids love, kindness and respect for all. Philando Castile helped me understand that this week. It took the cold callousness of having a 4-year-old child in the back seat while a man was shot to make me understand. How embarrassing for me as a mother of three racially mixed children. But let me say it out loud: Black Lives Matter. What is going to happen to my children when they are older and behaving like teenagers? How will I protect them then?
You see, I have an inheritable mental illness that none of my children show signs of presently. But what if they do at some point? What if the first time they show signs a police officer with no experience or CIT training encounters them? Will they be kind and help my child(ren) or will I have to worry that my husband and I would receive the phone call no parent ever wants? Would placing their hands on a squad and saying something out of the ordinary be mistaken for threatening action? I won’t lie. I worry. These are just a fraction of the type of thoughts that keep me awake at night.
At one point, Officers, when I realized I would be raising three handsome boys my biggest fear was which father in town would darken my door should a charismatic yet equally lovely daughter get pregnant. While I do not condone such behaviors in their future, such scenarios seem so simple currently with the country standing at a crossroads of violence: black on black, white on black, blue on black, blue on white, white on white, man on woman, woman on man, human on human.
It used to be that police used lethal violence to control citizens as means of last resort. Now without fear, without repercussion for their actions, it is becoming more commonplace to be used as first choice. Do I believe all law enforcement acts this way? Of course not. Surely you must realize how this band of brotherhood around the ones who make these hideously poor choices looks? In medicine, I can admit when my colleagues do wrong. I can say out loud when a mistake was made. Hell, I am expected to report mistakes I see without fear of repercussion, because human lives are at stake. Human lives are at stake when your colleagues abuse their power too.
I have been working to draft legislation for my state for mental health. I have been seeking law enforcement’s opinion because of respect. Respect for the uniform and for what you will bring to the table as an ally in caring for the nation’s mentally ill with proper training. With hope that as an ally and proper training you will knock on my door some day and escort me to a hospital to see my children should they inherit my illness and require care versus a morgue.
As a nation, we are hurting. As a nation, we are mourning. As a mother, I am fearful for the day I let my most precious people leave my protection. I need to know that as I teach my children to respect themselves, to respect others, and to respect authority that they will be safe.
Will you respect them when they need you most?
Sincerely,
A Mother Mourning With the Rest of the Nation.
♦◊♦
Photo Credit: Ann Roselle
A friend of mine filed charges against a local suburban police department for her son being beaten It went to court and she/he won. Fortunately there was video evidence which showed what happen. It include clear evidence that he wasn’t resisting but because he had a history, I guess they thought it would be okay. What bugs me is that I looked high and low to find something in the papers or internet about the case and to this day there is nothing. Damn white cops did this and there is nothing … Maybe because this kid is white? What… Read more »