If I were to ask you what you find the most painful in a relationship, what would you say? Is it infidelity, uncertainty, or rather feeling useless or unloved? Unlike most people, I don’t believe the end of the relationship to be the most painful thing.
There is so much more to this question than meets the eye. For example, why do we always think of the end of a relationship as the most painful thing? To me, many other things come to mind. Why?
The thing is, love makes us vulnerable, and with vulnerability comes raw emotion.
What do you perceive as painful? Why do people assess situations differently and react to them in contrasting ways? Some can forgive, while others couldn’t possibly do so in the same situation. For example, what would you do if you found out that your partner kissed someone?
Regarding relationships, we all have our values, thoughts, and ideas of how the relationship is supposed to be. Which had me thinking that, after all, the most painful thing must be equally subjective. Here’s why.
The end isn’t the most painful.
Have you ever woken up and decided from one moment to the next that you wanted to end your relationship? I have never heard of anyone ending a romantic involvement on a whim. Most love stories end; however, the end of love comes gradually; it is a process.
Just as we can fall in love, we fall out of love too. It’s in these moments that we actively decide whether to recommit to our relationship or not. In these valuable moments, we get the chance to take a step back and assess our relationship. We get to understand what we want to change before it’s too late and make the bond even stronger.
On the contrary, if we feel like the relationship is damaged beyond repair and want to leave, ending a relationship is also a new beginning. In every ending, there is also a chance. The chance to get to know ourselves in a whole new way.
The most painful thing isn’t losing a relationship; it’s losing yourself in a painful relationship.
How many people have tried to do anything to make it work but still feel like the relationship is going nowhere? It’s shocking to me how many people cling on to toxic relationships. They put so much time and effort into trying to make something work that is broken, unhealthy, and can’t be fixed — sometimes trying for years to keep something alive that isn’t there.
Honestly, the most painful thing I can think of is feeling useless in a relationship and not knowing where the future may lay. Being in a relationship and always feeling reminded that we’re not good enough for the person we’re with. What if they find someone better, more radiant, intelligent, skinnier, or more beautiful?
Hoping you’re enough for that person is the hardest relationship aspect. You offer someone you’re all while you’re with them. You strive to be the greatest version of yourself for them because you genuinely care about them. It occasionally works and occasionally doesn’t. Not all relationships succeed. Sometimes something simply cannot work out. But unless you try, you’ll never know. Every connection has a certain amount of danger. And it causes heartache.
Never-ending stories are the worst love stories.
There will always come a point when we must actively consider who we have become during the relationship. And then determine whether there is a future for the relationship, regardless of whether the relationship is healthy. It’s all about recommitting to the relationship.
And that’s where the worst and most painful things that can happen in a relationship come to light for me. And that is when we decide for the relationship and against ourselves. Because only we can take sides for ourselves and consider whether we want to commit ourselves again.
We don’t have to stay for anyone.
But what if you feel like that breaking up was a mistake? Well, I am quite sure that the reasons for leaving are valid. Therefore, it is better to break up rather than stay with someone and try hard to maintain an unsustainable relationship. I think it is simpler to accept a mistake than to have squandered too much time, love, and energy on something that cannot be fixed.
Whatever the most painful thing in a relationship is to you, be aware of it and always be honest to yourself. Because in the end, the most important relationship we’ll ever have in our life is the one with ourselves.
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This post was previously published on medium.com.
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Photo credit: Keenan Constance on Unsplash