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Parental alienation is victimizing the lives of countless good families—parents and children—all over the world with devastating repercussions. To the alienated parent, it can be a dizzying feeling of helplessness that grips you while frantically searching for answers to stop what is happening.
Sometimes parental alienation manifests itself in a child’s tantrums and meltdown immediately after the child returns from the other parent. The screaming, crying, and hateful comments directed at you from a kid using specific words and phrases that are out of place and character for them to be iterating.
“As I spoke up it would cause arguments and I witnessed what I now know as the beginning of alienation. My wife would begin to say bad things about me in front of and directly to the children and undermine me whenever I would try to discipline my them.” –Michael S.R. Allen BHT, in a letter to the APA; shared with permission of the quoted
A son or daughter who once ran to you with open arms excited to see you, now screams for the other parent while seemingly thinking the worst of you in that moment. The comments such as, “I hate you, I don’t want to be here…you’re evil just like [the other parent] says” can be devastating as you try to keep calm, cool, and collected in doing your best to demonstrate what it means to unconditionally love your child.
It is at these moments—where you see them turning against you and pushing you away—that you realize this is when they need you the most.
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Judges, Lawyers, and Child Custody: A Recipe for Disaster
The alienation of one parent by the other often goes unnoticed by the courts because most of the judges and lawyers have not been trained to identify the signs of parental alienation. On average, in looking at the biographies and credentials available for many family court judges and lawyers, you find a lot of the same type of educational degrees, legal backgrounds and superficial accolades. While everything has exceptions, rarely do you see evidence where those in power have any specialized training or in psychology, children, and parenting.
This is alarming considering the courts claim they act and make decisions under the banner of a child’s best interests. Many decisions get made in favor of one parent over another based on motion filings and hearsay. There is seldom any neutral evaluation by a third-party trained to identify the psychological aspects of custody and divorce. Such an expert would be better suited to assess parents and children and uncover signs of alienation.
Combine this with the many unethical and manipulative tactics used by lawyers and players in custody and divorce ordeals and you have a recipe for disaster. We the people have entrusted individuals who, by their very nature and training, are prone to adversarial conflict in the form of litigation and courtroom displays to make decisions and steer outcomes regarding a child’s well-being. It is in this way that children often become more like pawns on a chessboard, as opposed to having their best interests genuinely prioritized and safeguarded.
Given the sensitivity of these types of cases and the many public outcries—complaints and ethical concerns raised about those sitting on the bench and practicing in the matrimonial bar—it begs the questions as to what type of individuals find this area of law appealing? Even more than practicing law in the divorce and custody arena, it would be interesting to know the psychological profile of those who run political campaigns to be elected as judges in it.
These are courts whereby the lawyers’ and judges’ very livelihoods are dependent upon a steady and reliable stream of cases with outcomes resulting in negative repercussions. With a divorce industry estimated to pull in approximately $50 billion annually by many accounts, one has to wonder if the allure by some judges and lawyers to this area of law is truly based on serving a child’s best interests or protecting and preserving their own. It seems quite dumbfounding as to why tougher screening methods and stricter barriers are not in place for those making rulings or practicing law in the arena of child custody and divorce.
“It’s not just important that family court judges, court appointed social workers, counselors and attorneys fully understand the signs and remedies of parental alienation; it’s absolutely critical … the health, safety and well-being of the children, that the family court system has a legal and moral obligation to help and protect, are dependent upon this.” — Wendy Perry (formerly Archer), Subject of Divorce Corp Documentary, Parental Alienation Awareness Organization USA
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Psychological Evaluations and Testing
The American Psychological Association (APA) offers guidelines for custody evaluations in family law proceedings citing, “Psychologists render a valuable service when they provide competent and impartial opinions with direct relevance to the ‘psychological best interests’ of the child.”
In some cases these evaluations provide critical evidence in uncovering and mitigating parental alienation when it’s found and exposed. However, for many parents affected by a child being alienated in these ordeals, the “psychological best interests” for them are many times derailed and distorted by the judges and lawyers perceptions of “best interests”. What is not always obvious—and is ethically concerning—is that many lawyers in custody cases are motivated by factors having little or nothing to do with the interests of the child involved and more to do with the interests of the parent/client they represent and bill by the hour.
Where does that leave many of these kids being poisoned against the targeted parent? Usually in a place whereby the damage being done to them continues with the alienator incentivized.
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American Psychological Association’s Position
The APA’s position statement on parental alienation is non-existent. Here we have the largest organization representing psychology in the United States essentially not commenting or taking a position on a complex condition adversely affecting many parents and children in divorce and custody ordeals all over the country who need of specialized help and treatment in this area. Offering an official position and statement on this issue could serve to help many of those who live with the profound impacts and losses resulting from this sort of alienation. The personal stories, data, and evidence of parental alienation is abundant, spanning across the country in the many courthouses and homes touched by contentious divorce and custody battles.
It is not limited to the United States and indeed is worldwide.
Statement on Parental Alienation Syndrome, January 2008
The American Psychological Association believes that all mental health practitioners as well as law enforcement officials and the courts must take any reports of domestic violence in divorce and child custody cases seriously. An APA 1996 Presidential Task Force on Violence and the Family noted the lack of data to support so-called “parental alienation syndrome”, and raised concern about the term’s use. However, we have no official position on the purported syndrome.
The American Psychological Association, in Washington, D.C., is the largest scientific and professional organization representing psychology in the United States and is the world’s largest association of psychologists. APA’s membership includes more than 150,000 researchers, educators, clinicians, consultants and students. Through its divisions in 53 subfields of psychology and affiliations with 60 state, territorial and Canadian provincial associations, APA works to advance psychology as a science, as a profession and as a means of promoting human welfare.
source: HTTP://WWW.APA.ORG/NEWS/PRESS/RELEASES/2008/01/PAS-SYNDROME.ASPX
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The Stories Needing to be Heard
“We who have means and a voice must use them to help those who have neither.” — Jennifer Donnelly
Outrage, frustration, fear, sadness, anger, betrayal, and loss are a taste of what people who have been the targeted parents of alienation feel and experience.
“I had no idea what Parental Alienation was at the time, but after our 18 month ordeal, I knew it all too well. I have put all of my experiences down in a recently released book titled, For The Love of Ervk. It details how my ex-wife engaged in a campaign to destroy my professional career as a school teacher, my relationship with my son through false allegations, and my reputation with the community through false sexual abuse allegations. The book details the significant role Child Protective Services {CPS) played in interfering with my visitation with my son.
Ultimately after a week-long jury trial, to determine if my parental rights were to be terminated, the jury read their verdict and it was my ex-wife who had her rights terminated whereby I was awarded sole custody of our son. My ex-wife was allowed to return home to say her final good-byes. Upon entering the house where my son was held home from school, she took him to our old master bedroom pulled out her old police pistol and shot first our son and then herself I have testified before the Texas House of Representatives where I discussed how CPS believed her story that I was the dangerous one right up to the point she killed our son.” — Rod McCall, Author of For the Love of Eryk
The stories of how parental alientation has devastated so many lives are numerous and never ending. Rarely do we hear about the devastating impacts of parental alienation in the media until it reaches a boiling point that usually concludes in tragedy.
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Except where a source is linked or otherwise indicated for a quote, quotes herein were made by the author from email interviews with the person he has quoted.
An earlier version of this post was published on The Huffington Post and this revision is published here with the author’s permission.
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Photo credit: Flick/Evan Delshaw
My brother’s situation with custody for his preteen daughter is like so many others. Harassed by regular appointments in court, unfounded emergency motions for modification of custody, multiple cps calls coming up with nothing to report but now there’s a “file,” taking away all phones and other communication devices from daughter as “grounding” for various infractions which leaves her unable to contact her father, etc. etc. He’s now stripped of joint custody because of the “record” and other “facts” based on biased psychologist who had a previous professional relationship with his ex…. etc! Check out more crazy details at https://www.gofundme.com/jeffs-fight-for-fathers-rights
The alienation of one parent by the other often goes unnoticed by the courts because most of the judges and lawyers have not been trained to identify the signs of parental alienation. I would go further and say that judges and lawyers have been trained (with ideology) to ignore those signs when they negatively affect the father. Ever notice that “best interests of the child” seems to more likely to be invoked when it benefits the mother? And Rod McCall’s experience is particularly horrifying. But I’m going to go ahead and say straight up that the reason most people don’t… Read more »
Great article. But with all the knowledge we’ve had about this for a number of years, why aren’t things changing more rapidly? Why is .. “A coalition of women’s groups including the National Organization for Women, the League of Women Voters, Breastfeeding Coalition, National Council of Jewish Women and UniteWomen FL will all rally in Tallahassee on Tuesday against Senate Bill 668, a family law measure awaiting Governor Rick Scott‘s signature. The new statute would give judges a formula to use in deciding alimony payments in Florida and, more controversially, would specify a premise that a minor child should spend… Read more »