Over the past few years, I’ve noticed a growing trend on social media: influencers in their 30s openly discussing why they’ve chosen not to have children, often citing the impacts of patriarchy and societal expectations.
While I deeply respect the authenticity behind these reflections and the courage to challenge societal norms, there’s something that has been unsettling me for a while:
For many, parenthood today is reduced to fulfilling a role rather than making a conscious choice. It’s framed as ignoring a terrifying future and its challenges or as sacrificing one’s personal dreams and ambitions.
However, this view misses a crucial point: Parenthood can be a radical act of optimism, a profound choice to invest in the future.
Here’s why:
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An intrinsic pull toward connection.
Societal expectations, especially pronatalism, influence us in such a way that we don’t always know our genuine desires and ambitions in life.
Yet, while some might want to follow the “logical progression of life,” to me, the desire for parenthood feels less like a conditioned role but an intrinsic calling — a pull toward nurturing, creating, learning from, and connecting with future generations.
The choice for parenthood can stem from a profound sense of purpose.
To me, having children is a contribution to the world, not a burden. By raising empathetic, thoughtful humans, society will carry forward important values.
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Motherhood and systemic inequities.
The fact that especially mothers suffer from systemic inequities even more than people without children is undeniably true.
This doesn’t only include health care (read my story on Hyperemesis Gravidarum) and financial inequities; it also refers to increased domestic violence.
Yet, choosing motherhood doesn’t mean we ignore these inequities. It can be a powerful way to confront them.
Becoming a parent means stepping into a position where we can advocate for change. Parenthood offers a platform to challenge the structures that perpetuate inequality.
This can take many forms:
- pushing workplace reforms
- writing articles
- demanding better healthcare
- modeling progressive values within our families
- teaching our kids to become responsible adults
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Redefining the meaning of motherhood.
Motherhood doesn’t have to be defined by sacrifice or societal approval. It can be a deeply personal, empowering choice — one that coexists with ambitions, creativity, and a desire to contribute to the world in other meaningful ways.
My 2.5-year-old daughter has taught me invaluable lessons. Through her, I’ve rediscovered passions, set new priorities, and learned more about myself than I ever expected.
Motherhood has helped me grow stronger. I no longer seek approval from others; today, I know what truly matters to me. I’ve learned to set boundaries and reclaimed my love for singing and drawing — activities that bring me joy and that I now share with my daughter.
Most importantly, I want the world to be better for her, so I speak up when I see injustices.
Motherhood is not the only path to fulfillment, nor should it be positioned as the ultimate one. But for those drawn to it, it is an opportunity to incorporate personal dreams with collective impact.
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Hope in the face of uncertainty.
Hope isn’t naive optimism. It’s the belief that our actions — and those of the generations that come after us — can create a better world.
Parenthood can mean investing in the potential of future generations and believing in humanity’s ability to adapt and improve.
There is no universal right or wrong path — only the one that feels true to each of us. Parenthood is not about succumbing to tradition or denying the world’s challenges.
It’s about facing those challenges with hope, action, and love. It’s about believing that even in an uncertain world, we can create spaces of care and possibility — for ourselves, our children, and future generations.
What are your thoughts on parenthood? I’d love to hear from you!
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This post was previously published on medium.com.
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Photo credit: 🇸🇮 Janko Ferlič on Unsplash
