We’ve all been in situations where we’re either thinking about or have already started dating someone, and we quickly realize that this isn’t the right person for us.
In fact, we might even go so far as to say that this person is our worst nightmare. Why? Because, in most cases, we choose these wrong partners for a variety of psychological reasons. Let’s explore these reasons to help you learn how to choose the right partner for you.
One of the most common psychological reasons why people choose the wrong partners is because they get wrapped up in the relationship. When we’re attracted to someone, it can be hard to invest in ourselves fully.
We might start thinking about this person all the time and become preoccupied with their thoughts and feelings. This can make us overlook our own needs and attractions, which can ultimately lead to a bad relationship.
Why do I keep choosing the wrong partner?
There can be many reasons why you might keep choosing the wrong partner. It could be because you are drawn to a certain type of person. You may underestimate your own capabilities and think that the wrong partner will make you feel better about yourself.
Sometimes the wrong partner is chosen based on emotion, rather than logic or facts. Sometimes people simply do not take their time to really consider all of their options before making a choice.
Your Wounded Self
Many times people are attracted to people that they think they can fix. You may see somebody with a need and make a decision to try and save them.
If this is you then the likelihood is that you are selecting partners from your wounded self. This term refers to the part of you that is damaged, often from past trauma.
Subconsciously by trying to fix your partner you are acting in a way that you would like to be treated.
If you find yourself in this position then take time out to fix your traumas. This would involve taking some time away from the dating scene.
Professional help will likely be needed to address your own personal wounds and try to resolve them. This may stop you from repeating this cycle.
Peer Pressure
I have seen it many times when people want a relationship to fit in with their social circle.
There are so many outside influences in life and sometimes these can put us under pressure. Nobody wants to be the odd one out or seen to be not keeping up.
Many times society puts people under pressure to meet a partner by a certain age, settle down and have children. The problem with this type of pressure is that it can lead to you settling.
If you are in this position it is important to remember that choosing the right partner is worth the wait. Remember that finding the right partner will mean future happiness and hopefully fewer problems down the line.
Being Superficial
Physical attraction plays a part in the partner that you choose. For you to want to be with someone you often have to find them good-looking.
The danger comes in when you put too much emphasis on this. If you do not consider somebodies personality when deciding on a partner then you could end up in trouble.
It’s important to base things on if the person is respectful and has other qualities that you look for.
Next time you are considering a partner think about what positive traits they have apart from their looks.
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Have you been going through any of the points in this article? If yes then it’s time to stop and realize that you need to make some changes in your relationship.
Move on from your current partner. Focus on improving yourself and take responsibility for your dating life. Love is a journey, not a destination and there’s no point in settling for second best.
“You are worth more than you think” — picturequotes.com
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This post was previously published on medium.com.
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White Fragility: Talking to White People About Racism | Escape the “Act Like a Man” Box | The Lack of Gentle Platonic Touch in Men’s Lives is a Killer | What We Talk About When We Talk About Men |
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Photo credit: Kelly Sikkema on Unsplash