Robyn Wilder of BuzzFeed decided to answer everything people wouldn’t ask.
Originally published at BuzzFeed.
I am 21 weeks pregnant, and after receiving lots of shifty glances at my belly, I invited my colleagues to ask me anything. They did not disappoint.
1. How do I ask you if you’re pregnant without offending you?
The accepted wisdom is to refrain from asking such things unless you actually witness a baby coming out of a woman (and even then there may be extenuating circumstances). It’s probably safer to wait until I tell you. Because I will. I will tell you ALL DAY.
2. Has your relationship with your partner changed?
He has to calm me down when I burst into tears because we’re out of cheese, and we both frown cluelessly at baby-furniture catalogues a lot more than we used to, but otherwise no.
3. What is the grossest thing that’s happened to you so far?
While giving a sample at the midwife’s, I managed to liberally splash myself with my own urine. Twice. So if you ever see a women exit a toilet with her top on backwards and a “nothing to see here” expression on her face, you know what’s happened.
4. Can I ask you if your pregnancy was planned?
Before you do, ask yourself why it’s so important for you to know the answer, and then consider if it’s appropriate.
5. Can you reach to tie your shoes?
Probably, but I don’t need to – I use the skater shoelace method, because, quite clearly, I am super cool.
6. Do you sometimes think it’s a bit creepy that there’s a thing growing inside you?
Only when the baby swirls around and does somersaults – it’s nauseating and feels a bit like a jellyfish is up in there. When he lodges his foot in my ribs it’s less creepy and more like having a badly behaved tenant.
7. Is sex weird now? DESCRIBE HOW.
Between the solid 23 hours a day you spend throwing up and napping, the niggling fear that the baby is silently judging your technique, and the fact that you now have a port side and a starboard side, pregnancy isn’t always the sexiest time.
But once you’ve conquered all these problems, there’s just the question of how to logistically have sex when one of you is welded to a watermelon. Other than that, it’s not weird AT ALL.
8. What does it feel like when the baby kicks?
Initially, like gas. As the baby grows, it’s literally as though there’s a little person in your uterus, kicking you. Fun tip: Poke yourself hard inside your mouth, and imagine that sensation in your belly. There you go.
And because you have more questions, you can go here to see the rest of the 25 Questions You Were Too Afraid To Ask A Pregnant Woman, Answered at BuzzFeed.
Want the best of The Good Men Project posts sent to you by email? Join our mailing list here.