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Have you ever met someone — or maybe you are someone — who never seems to see things working out their way. I mean, perhaps the order at the restaurant never seems to come back the way you expected it? You were expecting more and got less? Nothing seems to work out the way you wanted it to work out. It is like you live in a constant state of disappointment. Well, that’s on you then.
Listen up. You see, the secret you don’t understand is that things aren’t working out exactly the way anybody wants them. That’s the thing, and there is a mechanism that other people are using that you don’t seem to have. It’s called a Growth Mindset. Mindset is a real thing and is something you picked up and probably never thought about.
Mindset is Everything You Aren’t Trying to Fix But Need To
What others have is a mindset that allows for adaptability and flexibility. They can absorb things that don’t work out in stride. They take an inconvenience and work around it or let it go. They take responsibility for how they encounter the world rather than hold the world accountable for how it treats them. So when you’re sitting around going, “Why are things not working out for me? Why are things not going my way?” Well realize the truth is that things aren’t going anybody’s way all the time.
If you think things are always going against you, what you’re not realizing is that some people’s mindset allows for change and going with the flow, and some people are just rigid and black and white. If you are ringing and black and white, you say things like, “That’s just the way I am!” Therein lies the problem. The cool thing is that because it is your perspective, you can change it. You can change the lens through which you see things through so that when things don’t go your way, you won’t feel so devastated. It might actually be the only thing worth your effort, seeing as how things aren’t working out for you ever anyways; 😉
Check Your Trauma
No one likes to hear it, but trauma seems to be a significant cause of black and white thinking. The clinical word is “Splitting” and it is basically seeing everything in absolutes, no grey areas. Traumatized minds have been locked in a box. We create expectations according to that box. Pretty much anything that doesn’t go according to expectations is a threat or validation of our shame. It’s lose-lose. Or we seek only the highs of life. When we are riding high, everything is excellent, but as soon as something goes wrong, everything comes crashing down. Some people start to expect things to go wrong; it becomes their normal. That’s depressing, literally. In any case, when things Fall outside our rigid expectations, we get frantic and upset. We feel like victims, but it simply isn’t true.
What we need to do is realize that there are people who have a mindset that allows for adaptations, creative thinking, and openness to new experiences when things don’t work out their way. They don’t let you know because they’ve already absorbed it. They haven’t wasted time complaining, loathing, and letting everyone know how upset they are. They’ve already taken it in stride before your eyes and continued to build a life. While you are still waiting at the starting line for things to work out, so quit whining and complaining take responsibility for what you can. Because its your mindset that your not changing.
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Previously published on Medium.
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