Does dating only your race make you racist?
–
When you live in Atlanta, it is easy to see how diverse our country is. As you move a little north of the downtown, you get to see this even more. Walking outside of my door each day, I’m greeted by many different neighbors. Some from India, Liberia, Nigeria, Puerto Rico, Dominican Republic, Panama, Mexico and even Brazil. As I go to the swimming pool or tennis courts, the mix of cultures an languages fill the air as children play and families have gatherings.
I can’t help but notice when I see these families, they typically look the same…happy but in tune with their own cultural dynamic. The Indian wives have Indian husbands. The Mexican husbands have Mexican wives. This is also the case with the Asian families, others from South America and those from Africa too. They believe in their rich cultural heritage and want to preserve it so their children know to marry within their race/culture. As they do this marrying into their own for lack of a better term, more often than not no one questions this practice.
Moving on to what we see with others in America, the dynamic isn’t quite the same. No matter how nice white parents are and how kind they are to all people, they are often deemed racist if they have a preference for their children to marry people who look like them and relate to their ways or cultural behaviors . The same can be said for African Americans if they too take the stance they’d rather have their children with people who looked like them and understand the challenges of their past and present families.
It has always left me wondering why we must label these parents as racists when they simply have a familiarity to those that are more relatable to them. These people wouldn’t do anyone harm regardless of race but they just want a certain cultural experience for their own families and the are treated like it is a crime if this is what they instill in their children. Don’t get me wrong there are certainly plenty of racists in the traditional sense to go around in our country who really need to be dealt with; however, I’m not speaking about those people who want to do harm to other races in various ways.
So how does a white American or black American parent have a conversation with their child to express their sentiments if they believe in dating only those of their race/culture but not appear to come off as racist or a bigot? This could also be moved on to include those in the LGBT community based on belief systems that families have. In all honesty, this same thought process could fit into many arenas as it pertains to how we raise our children; however, I prefer speak to the racism discussion instead. To not be a racist, must you not ever want to fully embrace what is your own culture because it somehow indicates you hate others not like you and feel they have no place here.
We know that parents, for the most part genuinely want their children to be happy. They want them to find love, find peace, become prosperous, often times practice a certain religion or spiritual regimen. We must remember though that many people have been persecuted simply on the premise of race or culture. To forget is surely a way to repeat history that we all are scarred by in some way regardless of ethnicity. I have no answers for the questions here today, but instead leave this writing as open ended for discussion as a way of broadening our thinking.
As for me, my kids are my kids and I want what is best for them. Would I be happy if they married people who understood where I’ve been, what I go through daily, identify with my hair and willingness to trace my roots back to Africa and the native Americans who have passed down their DNA to me? Of course I would. But would I want that for my child by force at the cost of them being abused, manipulated or mistreated simply because they married because of cultural/ethnicity/race? Of course not. So then what is the answer. We each have a right to our opinions and preferences. What we should not have a right to is mistreating people and in the end that is what matters.
—
Photo: Jayel Aherman/Flickr
There are two separate issues involved here. It’s one thing to make this sort of decision for yourself: lots of people prefer to date within their own ethnic group, and though they might get a negative reaction if they admitted it in so many words, not many people would dispute their right to make that choice. Kids are another matter. I might believe that my daughter is more likely to have a good marriage if her husband comes from a certain group (I actually would prefer that she not marry an American!) but ultimately, she’s the one who has to… Read more »
I think parents telling their children who they can and cannot date makes for a very unhappy person. Especially if they do fall in love or are attracted to the type of person the parent doesn’t approve of. The child will either marry someone they do not love to please the parent or will feel like a failure and limit contact with the parents. Parents need to remember that their children are NOT them. They have their own minds and preferences. I have a 16 year old daughter myself and I teach her to be a good person, but I… Read more »
“They are often deemed racist if they have a preference for their children to marry people who look like them and relate to their ways or cultural behaviors…”
Parents may want that for their kids, but their kids may have ideas of their own…there is no guarantee that if you marry someone of your own tribe that you will be automatically happy forever….