This can be a sensitive topic, but it is one of the most common areas where people lose self-esteem and self-confidence. People who think they are unattractive struggle in dating, work, and social life.
In this article, I want to quickly cover:
- How being uncomfortable with your looks can damage your self-confidence.
- A few practical ways to handle this issue and prevent it from screwing up every aspect of your life.
Before we start, let me give you a quick, relieving answer. If you generally, at times (not necessarily all the day), look in the mirror and think you at least look decent, then chances are that you look fine.
I will explain that in the rest of the article. But we generally tend to overestimate our flaws and have a distorted view of our physical looks when we are struggling in this area.
That being said, let us explore that in detail. Let us start with some shocking statistics:
More than 90% of girls -15 to 17- want to change at least one aspect of their appearance, obese boys and girls have significantly lower self-esteem than their peers, and more than half of teenage girls are, or think they should be, on diets. , 
And even though statistics suggest that it is a bigger problem for girls, many guys also suffer because they hate their physical appearance.
Generally speaking, women focus more on being beautiful and desirable, and guys focus more on being muscular and dominant.
The problem occurs when we (and society) measure our self-worth based on our looks instead of using our appearance as a tool to improve our lives and self-confidence.
Yes, looks are important. But what does “important” mean? And are those “important looks” actually realistic and achievable, or are they distorted versions of reality? When the standards are impossible, and when we do not feel satisfied no matter how we look, we can rest assured that we are doing something wrong.
We want to look a certain way that is impossibly unrealistic. We feel inferior because some models and superstars on Instagram and TikTok are way more attractive than us.
Movie heroes seem like they have it all (at least inside the movie), and when we compare ourselves to them, we feel inferior.
They have to look good all the time during the movie. And they follow strict and structured fitness and health systems to look a certain way. It is a part of their job. And it is totally unfair to compare ourselves to them.
Some statistics suggest that the average American woman is 5’4” tall and weighs 140 pounds, while the average American model is 5’11” and weighs 117 pounds!! 
One of the best tips I heard was to stop comparing those movie stars with yourself and start comparing them with your friends and the people around you. You will quickly realize how unfair that comparison is.
Moving to another point, one of the things that can be a big relief to many people is that there is such a thing as: imagined ugliness disorder. It is also called…
BDD (Body Dysmorphic Disorder)
(Note: this article is only for educational purposes. I am not here to diagnose anyone, nor should you depend on what you read online to diagnose yourself. However, learning about this concept can help you see things a bit differently.)
This is when you are actually a good-looking person but you believe you are ugly and actually see an ugly person in the mirror.
Many famous people (who make us feel insecure about our looks) suffer from this disorder. You can look that up. But here are more examples from the real life around you.
If you are a guy, how many beautiful girls do you know who actually believe they are less pretty than they actually are?
I bet you know some girls who are at least above average, but they think that they would be lucky if they were only average! I literally know gorgeous girls who have doubts about their looks that I could not believe.
Also, I came across an online community on Reddit called “am I ugly?” or something like that. Basically, it is a subreddit where people come and post their pictures, and they ask people if they are ugly or not.
Actually, this is not a wise thing to do because, first, not everybody is photogenic (some people look good in the mirror but bad in photos). Second, it can make you more dependent on the opinions of others.
But here is the thing. As I explored some pictures there, I quickly realized those people actually look fine!!
Some guy was describing his appearance, then he gave a link to a picture of him. When I clicked on the link to see the picture, it was nothing like his description (as if he was describing someone else).
Those people looked totally fine. But they not not feel they are unattractive, they see an unattractive person when they look in the mirror.
Their minds magnify their flaws and make them see a version of themselves that those around them do not really see.
Yes, maybe some of them are fishing for compliments, but even if that is the case, it means that this person has doubts about their looks despite looking good.
Again, I do not recommend doing this for multiple reasons.
- Some people are not photogenic.
- People have different standards and come from different cultures.
- Some people are mean. One negative comment and you will ignore all the positive ones.
- Not to mention that posting your photos online to strangers to rate can make you more dependent on people’s opinions.
Last but not least, do not sit there and pretend that everything is fine. Coming to terms with your looks is about correcting the wrong, toxic perspective and beliefs.
But it is also about improving your looks to the best of your ability. You need to fulfill your full potential.
You can still improve your looks, and some factors are totally under your control. Join a gym. Eat healty. Rest well and avoid stress. Get a new haircut. Wear nice clothes that fit you. And work on your personality, charisma, and charm. Attraction is more than just your looks.
What to Do?
I will put everything we discussed so far as actionable tips.
Some of these tips will help you fix the wrong thinking patterns that lead to seeing an unattractive version of yourself. Some of them will help you actually improve your looks.
Here we go:
- If you think you are not physically attractive in today’s world, there is a big chance that your judgment is not accurate. We can blame social media and the movies industry for that. And it is not just about looks. We even feel less successful because we are comparing ourselves to everyone online.
- You can look totally fine and still see something else in the mirror. Your perception and beliefs are more powerful than you think.
- As a general rule, if you sometimes look in the mirror and think you look good, know that this is probably what people see when they look at you. Forget about the pictures and the selfies. Not everyone is photogenic.
- You do not have to look perfect. People evaluate your overall attractiveness, not just one aspect or feature.
- Attractiveness is not only about physical looks. Some other aspects like self-confidence and courage are considered attractive too, especially if you are a guy.
- Most people do not look like movie stars. You do not have to look like that to be attractive, find love, have a social life, or be happy.
- Now, do not get too comfortable. There is one thing that you need to understand very well. It is this. Focus on what you can control, and let go of what you cannot.
- Many aspects are totally under your control, like changing your body shape, dressing well, having a charming personality, and being an interesting person. All these things add up to your overall attractiveness.
- Join a gym. You can change and improve your body shape. Whether you are overweight or underweight, a guy or a girl, this is a must if you are having issues with the way you look. It will help a lot.
- Or just workout. I do not care whether you train at home or at a local gym. Getting in shape requires working out. Do it.
- Joining a gym is not enough. You need to take care of your nutritions, get enough rest, and stress. I know you already know that, but it is just a reminder.
- Take care of yourself. I mean groom, dress well, upgrade your wardobe, buy a watch or sunglasses, get a new haircut, always take a shower, and basically try to look your best. However, do not turn this into an obsession.
- Approach the whole thing with the possibility that you are seeing a distorted image of yourself when you look in the mirror.
- Focus on what you can change, develop it to the fullest, then let go/accept what cannot be changed.
This post was previously published on medium.com.
All Premium Members get to view The Good Men Project with NO ADS. Need more info? A complete list of benefits is here.
|Compliments Men Want to Hear More Often||Relationships Aren’t Easy, But They’re Worth It||The One Thing Men Want More Than Sex||..A Man’s Kiss Tells You Everything|
Photo credit: Kelly Sikkema on Unsplash