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Reagan Myers, performing at Rustbelt 2019 in St. Louis, MO.
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Transcript provided by YouTube (unedited)
0:02
last week i sat in an autozone parking
0:04
lot and cried for 10 minutes straight
0:06
because i couldn’t change my headlight
0:08
which sounds like a lead-up to a
0:10
terrible stand-up routine
0:12
one where the joke is always on me
0:15
like ha ha
0:17
i ate half a bag of pretzel m m’s at 11
0:20
30 in the morning in bed or i’ve watched
0:23
the pilot of gossip girl 10 times in the
0:25
past two weeks because i keep falling
0:27
asleep halfway through
0:29
being sad is a goddamn joke sometimes
0:32
my headlight went out my first thought
0:33
was
0:34
seems right
0:36
and i couldn’t change it by myself
0:37
because i’d have to take off the whole
0:39
bumper or something and i thought of
0:40
course or i wish i was dead
0:43
being sad is funny that way
0:45
no inconvenience is a minor
0:47
inconvenience it’s all the end of the
0:49
world or might as well be
0:52
depression is a silent film
0:54
a monologue shot under water
0:57
depression is sulking because i won’t
0:58
talk to it anymore by which i mean about
1:00
it there are some days when i am so sad
1:03
i don’t remember what it’s like to not
1:05
be
1:06
like when you have a bad cold and you
1:07
can’t breathe through your nose and
1:09
you’re so sure you’re never going to
1:10
breathe through your nose again and i’m
1:12
so sure i’m never going to feel joy
1:14
again
1:15
except when you have a cold you can call
1:17
in sick to work
1:19
and people tell you to get well soon and
1:21
there’s a whole soup genre dedicated to
1:23
your well-being
1:25
i can’t call in sad to work
1:28
can’t go to the grocery store and go to
1:29
the sad aisle which would only have like
1:32
already stale popcorn and tea your best
1:34
friend swears is good for you
1:36
so
1:38
sometimes all i can do is laugh
1:41
if i don’t
1:42
there might be nothing left
1:45
there’s a crack in my bathtub in the
1:47
shape of the platte river
1:49
and i know this because i spend so much
1:51
time on my shower floor it’s become a
1:52
permanent imprint in my thigh
1:55
i’m there because
1:56
i have a bad cold
1:58
or i’ve been sad since graduation not
2:00
this most recent one the one before that
2:02
or maybe it’s both but the cold makes
2:04
the most sense for sympathy purposes
2:06
i wish i could stay on the floor of my
2:08
shower forever
2:10
when i get out i have to be a person
2:11
again
2:12
have to put lotion on my legs brush my
2:15
hair eat a bowl of cereal at least take
2:18
care of this terrible body that refuses
2:20
to take care of me back i am so tired of
2:23
talking about my depression as something
2:25
else
2:26
a ghost that haunts me and i am afraid
2:28
of the seance afraid of what it might
2:30
want from me
2:32
my depression doesn’t ask for much but
2:34
when it does it is something i cannot
2:36
give and that’s the joke my depression
2:38
is just me asking for something i cannot
2:41
give i ask to come back to my body and
2:43
it’s just me saying no
2:46
when people ask me how i am they might
2:49
as well be asking me where i’ve gone
2:51
i’m driving down a dirt road
2:54
no headlights when it curves i will not
2:56
know just
2:57
drive on into the fields my own voice
3:00
playing on the radio telling me there is
3:02
no place for me here
3:06
[Applause]
—
This post was previously published on YouTube.
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