In the greatly materialistic modern society, many people don’t need to worry about their basic needs like we used to when we were young. They have more energy to pursue romantic relationships. The prevalence of social platforms and communication technology has greatly increased the opportunities to interact with the opposite sex. At the same time, various temptations and unstable factors have also multiplied. Moreover, the current young people are more self-centered and unique. Wanting to peacefully coexist with someone equally unique in the long term is indeed a challenge.
Because they are not as constrained by external conditions like the older generation, in choosing a partner, they are unwilling to settle. Even if they are already in a marriage, if they feel unhappy, they are more courageous to break free. From pursuing material wealth to emphasizing spiritual happiness, this is the progress of human development, accompanied by an increasing number of emotional problems.
For many people, they actually understand their emotional situation but choose to avoid facing it. They are aware that they are sliding into a quagmire of misery, and though they seek help, when others reach out to pull them, they refuse to move. The onlookers on the shore angrily scold, “The pitiful have something despicable about them,” and he scolds himself, but that quagmire is like a huge magnet…
To the onlookers on the shore, don’t be angry. You have already planted a seed in him, and perhaps one day the seed will sprout. When he is struggling in the quagmire, you, a stranger, sincerely offered care and understanding. Perhaps, this is what he desires the most.
I have also read various theories from emotional experts and learned useful things, but I cannot agree with some overly emphasis on tactics, treating love as a marketable commodity, or even objectifying women, believing that a woman’s reproductive, aesthetic, and emotional value are her most valuable assets in marriage and love. This has misled many young girls whose outlook on life has not yet been established, making them think that as long as they are young, beautiful, and can act coquettishly, they can obtain a happy marriage.
It cannot be denied that a woman’s age, appearance, and personality are indeed important, but if these are taken as the main evaluation criteria, there is a suspicion of voluntarily becoming a “tool.” Is a woman’s worth only determined by the extent to which she can satisfy a man’s needs? If so, what is the difference between her and an animal? If the values are not right, no matter how deep the tactics are, it is only walking further down the wrong path.
Reiterating my viewpoint on love, it also applies to all emotions:
A good relationship must first be based on shared values. On this basis, both parties must wholeheartedly invest, treat each other sincerely, and learn to respect, appreciate, understand, tolerate, support, and help each other. Good love allows both parties to experience internal growth and improvement.
In matters of the heart, I wholeheartedly believe that pursuing truth, kindness, and beauty is the true secret!
A woman’s youth, beauty, and gentleness may only attract a man temporarily, but the lasting charm comes from the elegant demeanor, cultivation, and connotation that have been nurtured by good knowledge and upbringing!
Although practical conditions need to be considered when facing marriage, if the essence of love is disregarded and only the conditions are discussed, it is like a big tree with an unstable foundation; no matter how beautiful the branches and leaves are, they will soon fall off.
Of course, I can also discuss many techniques for interacting between the sexes, but as I have emphasized before: in the world of emotions, the application of all techniques must be based on the premise of sincere love. Techniques can only help us manage a worthwhile relationship more wisely.
And the judgment of whether a relationship is worth managing is the first step that needs to be made. Many of the cases I have encountered have not even passed this first step. In other words, if the person is not chosen correctly and the goal is off, does it make sense to discuss techniques?
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This post was previously published on medium.com.
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From The Good Men Project on Medium
What Does Being in Love and Loving Someone Really Mean? | My 9-Year-Old Accidentally Explained Why His Mom Divorced Me | The One Thing Men Want More Than Sex | The Internal Struggle Men Battle in Silence |
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Photo credit: Jamie Street on Unsplash