Why It’s Important to Firmly Reject Unwanted Advances
Refusing someone seems like it’s never an easy thing to do.
Many people find it difficult because they’re afraid of hurting others by saying no. So, even if they don’t want to agree to a request or don’t like someone, they still say yes or stay silent.
When someone likes us but we don’t feel the same, we might worry that directly expressing our feelings would seem unkind and hurtful. So, instead of rejecting them outright, we try to make them give up through other means.
We distance ourselves by not responding to their messages or feelings, thinking it’s a kinder approach. But in reality, it’s not good for either party.
If we don’t like someone, there’s no need to procrastinate or overthink. It’s best to be straightforward and refuse them decisively.
Don’t drag the other person along, make your intentions clear early on.
A girl, let’s call her Emily, knew that a male friend of hers had feelings for her.
She was aware of his intentional and unintentional advances.
She wanted to tell him not to waste his time, that they were not possible, but she was worried it might ruin their relationship and make things awkward if she said it outright. So, she kept silent.
Although she didn’t express her lack of interest directly, she deliberately kept her distance in words and actions. She thought he would understand her rejection, but he didn’t give up.
It wasn’t until much later, after he confessed his feelings seriously, that she spoke up. She thought she was choosing a good way for both of them, but she ended up having to deal with him for a long time.
Being liked by someone is usually a good thing, but feelings cannot be forced. Not liking someone won’t change just because time passes.
We don’t always have to wait until the end to deliver a heavy blow. It’s wiser to be direct and clear from the beginning.
Firmly reject, don’t leave any room for hope.
There are times when not replying to messages, declining dates, or not wanting to spend money on someone clearly indicates that there’s no chance between us.
We might think our intentions are obvious, but for someone who has developed genuine feelings, they may interpret it differently and find ways to rationalize it.
They might think we’re just being reserved or unwilling to take advantage, believing that we’re a good person, and so on. Love often makes people deceive themselves and find evidence that the other person feels the same way.
In such situations, it’s best to tell them directly that we’re not interested. There should be no ambiguity, no false hope. We need to make it clear that they’re not our type and there’s no chance of being together.
It may seem a bit harsh, even cruel, but it’s the best way to help them see the truth. Once they understand the reality, they won’t have to invest further, and we won’t have to worry about them.
Be more direct and considerate of the other person’s feelings.
Of course, it’s not the other person’s fault for liking us even if we don’t feel the same way.
So, while we should firmly reject them, we should still be considerate in our approach.
We shouldn’t mock their feelings or belittle them. Thank them for their affection, give them some affirmation and encouragement, while making it clear that feelings require mutual attraction and a certain spark.
In rejecting someone, we should do it gracefully, preserving their dignity. By using a method they can accept, we can ensure a peaceful and complete separation.
In human relationships, there’s no need for unnecessary embarrassment, especially in matters of the heart. Whether it’s unrequited love or a breakup, a peaceful resolution is always best for both parties.
It won’t hurt them, and it won’t lead to them acting out of frustration.
Life may seem long, but it’s actually short.
With our limited time, let’s not waste someone else’s time, and let’s not waste our own. Be clear about our feelings. Fight for and cherish those we like, and decisively reject those we don’t.
Let them retract their feelings in time and find true happiness, and let us focus on what we want to do and love who we want to love without being disturbed.
We don’t need many people in our world to love us. One is enough. As for other opposite-sex relationships, keeping a clear boundary is better.
In that way, our days will be more relaxed and comfortable.
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This post was previously published on medium.com.
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From The Good Men Project on Medium
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Photo credit: Priscilla Du Preez 🇨🇦 on Unsplash